Dammit monster! Get outta here and leave me and my wife alone!
What do you mean you already gave him the tree fiddy? Doncha know that’ll just encourage the monster? Damn woman!
You don’t want mine, I assure you.
On the other hand, I’ll sell you **Exgineer’s soul ** for the right Lego set.
Maybe you can do one of those trade-in, trade-up sort of deals–like with used cars.
It’s people like you who make it so hard for a hard-working guy like myself to get into the soul business. Your soul hasn’t just been sold, it’s been mortgaged, sold, resold, on layaway, and in Satan’s personal safe.
And handling. And I plan on handling your soul quite a bit.
Not a problem. Hell, I’ve even let you Supersize if your soul is virginal.
Unbeliever souls are a dime a dozen. It’s those fallen believers that are the tastiest.
No, thank you!! Your soul would be a jewel in my collection. I’ll put it right up there next to Hillary and Laura’s. As for your payment, ummmmmm… the checks in the mail.
Good Og man, I’m just a businessman, not a friggin miracle worker. Although I see Cranky is in the house, so let me work her a bit.
Done, and done. I’ve placed your three fifty in the folds of your couchs, under your bed, and in the pockets of your old jeans. It’s a pleasure doing business with you.
I’ve arranged the hookers to make themselves available to you. Just check your local yellow pages under Escort Services, and in the Chicago Reader Adult Entertainment section. I’ll also send over the firetrucks. To send me your soul, just pour gasoline all over your living room, and drop a lit match in there. As soon as I get it, I’ll send the firetrucks.
The Cubs in the World Series? My God you ask for the impossible. Good Luck getting that from either of my competitors. Satan loves the Cubs for their continued screwing with their fans, and God wouldn’t come near that bullpen with an infinity sized pole. I could, however, be convinced to part with Sammy Sosa for a day. You think it was just steroids that made him good?
Dude, the souls of us unbelievers have never been used. They’re primo and and sooo tender and juicy–like veal.
The Cowboys win the Superbowl.
Just kidding!!
Too late. I sold my soul to the company store.
But I’d be willing to part with some karma for a new hard drive.
Would you consider a long-term lease?
Would that be an Operating Lease or a Capital Lease? There are significant differences in the accounting treatment …
Eh, sorry. My soul is long gone, since I’m a CPA. 
Can I still sell it if I’ve already taken a second on it? I guess I’m asking if you do a title search.
No go, my friend. I’d be happy to part with Sammy Sosa forever.
You know, The Big G and old Scratch aren’t your only competition in the soul market. Now, I do have some slightly used souls, available in bulk, and am willing to trade for pristine one.
And they were all ripped off. Only Joe Namath got fully compensated.
I sold mine for $5 to some kid named Milhouse.