Now, now, now, I know that you may be attached to that old soul of yours, but trust me, you don’t need it! Just bring your soul on down, and I’ll give you a price for it. If you still wanna sell, I’ll have my people call your people and finalize the deal.
Or you can trade in your soul to get a new one. I’ve got plenty of quality pre-owned souls in stock; Don Knots, David Hasselhoff, John Wayne, Napolean Bonaparte, Siegfried (but not Roy), Ronald McDonald, and more! Or you can take one of the new imported Hybrid Souls, powered both by an ultra-efficient Essencecharger 9000 and a Pentium III processor!
Satisfaction Guaranteed*! Come on down today!
*Note: The word “guarantee” in no way states or implies an actual guarantee.
AudreyK: Tryin’ to muscle in on my racket, eh? Well, let’s just see if Rudy and his wiffle bat can change your mind!
JavaMaven1: You snooze, you lose. I believe Satan’s only doing luxury deals for guys like Tom Cruise and Gordon B. Hinckley. I’m taking up the market for “the little guy”.
friedo: Hey, I said they were imported!
enilorac: My first customer! Alrighty, let’s see what you’ve got… mm-hmm… mm-hmm… mm-hmm… well, according to the computer, you’ve got an okay credit rating. Let’s take a look at your… oh. Umm… yeah… all righty, here’s what I’m gonna do for you. I’ll take your soul for a $13.73 credit, and set you up in this brand-new Ecko! I see you’re satisfied. YouoweusseventeenthousandfourhundredandeightytwodollarsSIGNHEREPLEASETHANKYOU! Ah! A satisfied customer!
KJ: I can see you’ve been eyeing that Ronald McDonald model for some time. Care to step into my office and finalize a deal…?
