I had a very good friend with whom I had a major falling out over an incredibly stupid argument (cell phone etiquette, as it turns out) a few years back. We stopped speaking to one another for almost two years.
But during those two years, she would occasionally send to me (through email, or via a mutual friend of ours) things that she’d run across because she knew I would appreciate them (often discounts she’d have access to for Dodger games or concert tickets she knew I had an interest in). As much as it would cause me to remember how miffed I was with her, there was never a time that I didn’t appreciate being thought of.
I’d say go ahead and send the book with a very simple note, as has been suggested. It’s a thoughtful gift, and hopefully, she’ll appreciate that.
I am surprised you decided it was bad to send it. But, yeah, listening to your gut is often the right move.
I didn’t think it sounded creepy at all. You were good friends at one time. She really wanted the book at a point of time when you were good friends, and you have a strong memory of her desire. Sending the book would mean no more than “You used to want this book a lot. I hope you like it. Or are atleast nostalgic” and, a note explaining that you remember it would only make it more clear you weren’t trying any funny business. (Unless the book is filled with jokes.)
Asimovian:
First off a two year argument over cell phone etiquette? Woah!
But, I am glad you were able to rekindle the friendship. Anyone with baseball discount access is worth having in the back pocket.
Some people take their etiquette very, very seriously, but that’s a topic for another thread. Suffice to say that I never, ever answer my cell phone in her presence unless it’s an emergency, and we’ve not discussed the topic since. I think we’re both content now to assume that the other is completely insane, and we work around it.
Some friends don’t discuss politics. It’s not all that dissimilar.
Cellphone not only do I believe you to be a righteous dude, but you’ve never given the impression here, that I have seen, of being anything but a kind generous person. If she’s known you for 20 years, she knows that, Miss Grumpypants or not. I do think it’s very likely she’ll think that you want to “make up” but I don’t think that would be so bad … even if you don’t want to be good friends again. I mean, wouldn’t it be nice to have ‘parted’ on good terms? I say send the book and be yourself.
Hm. Now I’m in a quandary. (::mansquee:: I gots to use a big word!)
I guess the reason my gut says “dude, creepy” is because there’s “Hey! I saw this and it made me think of you” and then there’s “I think of you… All the time, heh, heh… I made it my mission to find this for you. It took twenty years… heh, heh.”
Know what I mean? Like, I know my intentions are just ordinary. But I can’t control someone else’s biases, and if she’s peeved with me, she may choose to interpret my actions in a negative light.
So what if she does? How are you any worse off than you were before? YOU had the right intentions, no matter her interpretation. And your little note would essentially say what your intentions were. You absolutely can’t control how she chooses to interpret it.
Yeah, you should send it. Stop overthinking it. If you’re worried about the title of the book, simply start your note, “Ignoring the title of this book, when I saw it, I felt I’d found a treasure, because I seem to remember a time when you so badly wanted it. So here it is, I truly hope it makes you smile, have a great day…”
Just do it! Oh, and be sure and let us know if anything happens!
