Yes:
Went to his final reward in peace
No:
Went to his final reward in pieces
Wouldn’t:
…apparent autoerotic accident…
…devoured by…
…plummeted 250 feet…
Would not:
“… with the detonator lodged in his urethra.”
“… but only after finding his torso.”
“… wearing only a string thong and a birthday hat…”
Would:
“… after single-handedly disemboweling the grizzly…”
“… with a crowd of young children weeping by his corpse…”
Wouldn’t:
“…one week before immortality treatment perfected…”
“…now known as Der Trihs Crater…”
“…Darwin Award winner…”
“…didn’t realize the chainsaw was…”
“…sucked his bones clean out…”
Russian squirrels kill dog. Never underestimate squirrels.
There could be situations where this could be a good thing in your obit. Say, “As requested in the will, Brad Pitt showed his undying love for the deceased by attending the funeral wearing only a string thong and a birthday hat.”
Would:
“…at the age of 152…”
“…the first man to die on another planet…”
Would not:
“…at the age of 52…” (my current age)
“…wandered off due to dementia…”
Would: “…passed peacefully in her sleep, with a smile on her face.”
Would not: “…when the support of the chandeleir gave way, dropping her two stories.”
Would: famous as a local hero
Would not: Also know as patient Zero
Would: Member of the Justice League
Woundn’t: Member of the Legion of Doom
Wouldn’t:
“…of the remains had to be performed by specialists from Fort Detrick…”
“…severe malnutrition…”
“…end of a lengthy court battle, doctors finally…”
“…through the streets by screaming militants…”
“…after a botched surgical…”
“…lay undiscovered for over six…”
“…before turning the gun on himself.”
Odder than you think. I don’t have any children.
“The remains were poured into an old oil drum, which they will be buried in.”
“The infero melted the bridge, forcing the closure of the highway.”
“The incident will be featured on an upcoming episode of Deadliest Catch.”
"After it took the forensic team days to identify the remains … "
"Among the homeless who perished in the flood was former … "
"The heavily picketed funeral with few actual attendees … "
Wouldn’t want:
“…ranting and raving as he was killed…”
“…bulldozer suffered no damage as it rolled over…”
“…overwhelming debt troubles…”
“…remaining eye…”
“…stump became infected…”
“…sepsis…”
“…trapped by hot asphalt…”
“…bears found him first…”
“…new disease of great interest to…”
Nope: “…will always be most widely remembered as the source of the humorous Internet meme …”
I wouldn’t mind “Lovecraftian horror” in my obit at all.
“…was left a quadroplegic…”
would not
…thus making him the ultimate Darwin Award winner
…a special solar powered tombstone will forever display the video of…
…just hours before having his first date with Megan Fox
Would: “…of several charities”
"inventor of many useful and profitable devices"
"...In our time, perhaps no one as remarkable as..."
"the vote to commemorate his birth as a national holiday passed easily...."
"...his hands were still in a death-grip around the neck of Fred Phelps's corpse....."
Would not: “Ironically, he had mistaken the deadly species for the common…”
"Several people in the neighborhood moved away after reporting nightmares...."
"Authorities are ordering that the body be exhumed by HAZMAT, in order that..."I’m surprised by how many people included things like “not previously believed physically possible”, and “hitherto-unknown” in their “would not” lists. Those go on my “would”!