My only advice is not to attempt an intervention alone. She’ll just dismiss you.
You need to talk to brothers and step-dad and find out whether they will commit to helping. AND, given the way your brothers acted last time, make sure they understand it’s THEIR turn to take the lead this time.
Hey, Gundy, how’re ya doin’?
GEEZ, yojimboguy…I SAID like crap.
Al-Anon. Even if nobody else does nothing else.
Regards,
Shodan
I think the first intervention might be for her husband, and his codependent, pathetic, enabling behavior.
Any other intervention with your mom would be infinitely less effective without him, her life partner, involved.
And if he dismisses you, you haven’t lost anything.
And if he doesn’t try to help, then he’s simply abdicating his responsibility as her husband. He might not see it that way, but that’s what it is.
Alanon could prove to be a helpful resource for some. It helped my sister–we’re kids of alcoholics, too. I pretty much passed on it–I didn’t feel–or recognize–the need growing up. 12 step groups tend to breed like rabbits. Too much smoking, too. But it’s a good group.
Good luck.
Mom is definately crying for help.
Her hubby is definately enabling.
People with problems seek out people to enable them. It’s a fact that (for example) women who finally get out of an abusive relationship very frequently get into another one.
Go to alanon. It helps A LOT to know other people are going through similar things. Mom has to want to help herself.
Since you’re emotionally involved in the sitution, it will be impossible to know when and where boundries are being crossed. Because of that, you need an objective outsider for help. This person should be a professional. Anyone who has never experienced a person like this will not likely make the right decisions for your mother’s best treatment. This is the type of thing that the phrase “it’s cruel to be kind” is meant for. She doesn’t need someone to be nice… she needs someone to save her life. If that involves getting her in to detox/therapy/[insert solution here] then so be it. She’ll likely be mad at you for interfering, or she’ll very possibly never change her behaviour.
I think the advice given above by dljrn is probably pretty good. I hadn’t thought of it, and wish I would have tried it on my wife when things were bad. If she attempts (even though she knows it won’t succeed) suicide, or talks about suicide, call 911! That way it’s out of your hands (very important for your well being). Let the medical professionals help be your ‘out’ on making the tough calls. They’ll possibly keep her in the hospital for a while for evaluation… but maybe put her in detox, and get her started on therapy.
It’s going to get worse before it gets better. May God help you (if you believe in a higher power that is… otherwise, no insult meant). It’s so great that you want to help, and not just let it happen.
E3