Been a while since I’ve been here, prior to this weekend. Anyway, here’s the deal. MANY years ago, the year after my parents divorced, my moher attempted suicide by taking an entire bottl of prescription sleeping pills. She chickened out afterwards, though, went to the hospital, and survived. Went to a few years of therapy, too.
Fast forward a few years. In three days, she will be 51. My dad died two years ago, but she had never moved on from him, even though she remarried. The year that he died, she had to undergo treatment for breast cancer. A lumpectomy was done, and she’s cancer-free now. That SAME year, her youngest son graduated from college. She became a grandmother, which she loves. But, for the first time in 33 years (from oldest child to youngest), she wasn’t “needed” as a mother anymore.
Her marriage to my father was very submissive. He wouldn’t allow her to work, no matter how tight the money got. He’d always take another job. She also wasn’t really allowed to have friends, or a life outside of the house.
Her husband tells me that she’s been drinking. More than she should. She uses rum or vodka to wash down painkillers, muscle relaxers, nerve pills, and sleeping pills. It’s an every night thing. She hardly gets out of bed on her days off of work. She’s always sick, or at least feeling bad.
She recently fell on some ice and hurt her back. My sister-in-law was helping her get a bath afterwards, stepped outside to smoke a cigarette. While she was outside, my mother tried to drown herself in the tub. Her husband was home. My brother and his wife were here. Mom HAD to know she wouldn’t succeed, right? Too many people around. So it seems to be a cry for attention. I think she’s feeling useless because her kids are all grown. She married my dad at 17. Had her first child at 18. he missed that whole period in her 20’s where most people go out and get the partying out of their system. Her and Dad were married for about 16 years. After the divorce, she devoted herself to raising three kids.
My older brother wants to have an intervention with her. I think this has got the potential for disaster.
You’re not allowed to question my mother on anything. A few years ago, by brothers came to me because they were worried about her meeting people off of the internet singles sites, sleeping with them that day, etc. It just seemed to anti-her that we thought we’d talk to her. Not to tell her to qut. Just to be careful. As what typically happens, my little brother said nothing. My older brother, whose idea this was, waited until the subject came up, then left the room. He doesn’t have the balls to oppose her on ANYTHING. My mother then announced to me that, if she “wanted to go out and fuck the entire town, it’s none of [my] goddamn business.” In my ENTIRE life, my mother has said the F-word to me a total of 2 times. Honestly, until the first time, I didn’t think she knew it.
So you see how defensive she can be about anything.
About the drinking: As I said, it’s an every night thing. She says she can’t sleep without it. I went a week between seeing her. She has went through TWO fifths in a week. She HAS to have a bottle around at all times. She goesw to great lengths to never let her kids see her doing it, though. There’s a history of alcoholism in the family. On her side. And she knows it.
Her husband has the same amount of cojones as my older brother. He goes out and buys it, because it’s easier to do that and stay in the house. When they married, he moved into her house. She threatens to kick him out of it almost daily, from what I hear. Especially if he tells her ‘no.’
I’m of the opinion that any kind of intervention is going to be seen with even more suspicion, resistance, and feelings of betrayal than I imagine most people go through.
Tonight, I’m going to try to get her to TALK to me. Just to see if I can get her to open up. I can’t see us pulling off an intervention. Without a professional, it’s be like any other time we’ve tried talking to her. With a professional, her husband (who, by the way, wants to be nowhere NEAR the place when this happens) is going to come across as sneaky, underhanded, and a tattletale for going behind her back like this.
Any advice?
