Just out of curiosity, ZPG, how do feel about open adoptions? Like my nephew, for instance. My sister and her husband adopted him in infancy, but his birth mother is still in his life. She’s invited to birthday parties, Christmas dinners, etc., My sister has an open-door policy…birth mom knows she can ask to see her son at any time, she can show up on the doorstep whenever she feels like it. My sister thinks it’s important that my nephew grows up knowing his birth mom so that he never has questions about what might have been. (Birth dad is in prison, has no interest in establishing or maintaining a relationship. Other family members were given the chance to take the baby, they all declined.)
FWIW, birth mom rarely takes us up on our invitations. She has seen nephew on a few occasions, but seems to prefer to keep on the fringes of his life.
And what do you think my nephew should call my sister and her husband? I know “Mom” and “Dad” aren’t preferred in your opinion, so what names should they use? Just curious.
Female Caretaker and Male Caretaker? Not-Mom and Not-Dad? Yo (gender-neutral)? Person-who-has-opened-their-home-and-heart-to-me-but-did-not-create-me? Their first names?
See, this is one of the truly evil things about ZPG’s insanity. She wants adopted children to constantly be reminded that they do not have a real family, that the people who care for them aren’t their real parents, and that they would have been better off aborted. It’s like she wants to punish the children for simply being alive in situations that she dislikes.
I think it’s partly a twisted sense of lineage. If they call someone else Mom and Dad, it’s a lie! How can she judge your lineage if you lie? Blood lines are everything and must be declared opening.
You know, I’m glad I saw this thread. I now realize that – should I ever meet another gay minority adoptee – I must turn around and run like hell in the opposite direction. And not stop until I collapse, exhausted. It’s the only way to be safe.
But this is ZPG Zealot we’re talking about. “Male kidnapper” and “female kidnapper” are probably best. “Warden”, “affection extortionist”, and “baby-swiping scum” are also acceptable.
Well, I mean, duh. If the orphaned (abandoned, surrendered) child had the decency to just die like it should, there wouldn’t be so much opportunity for the evil, manipulative, probably-barren scum to mold such children into serial killers (or, worse, future adopters).
I don’t approve of calling individuals that didn’t either inseminate your mother or provide a uterus for you to grow in mother and father. Well if they believe in a god, goddess, multiple dieties or some sort of spiritual concept, godparent is a perfectly acceptable way of addressing a guardian. Mr. and Mrs are always the polite way for children to address adults. I honestly don’t understand how it can negatively effect a child to know and acknowledge because the people who created them their parents can’t or won’t take care of them someone else, a guardian choose to do so because they, gasp, care about the child, rather than because they want to pretend they were able to give birth.
Constantly having to lie about your origins and family like adopters require children to do is torture. It’s not about punishment. It’s the furtherest thing from it. It’s about allowing children to be honest about their background and erasing this attitude that only a mother and father are capable of raising a successful adult.
You’re insane. I mean that quite literally, not just as a dismissive insult. The world you live in is a funhouse mirror of reality, and does not relate in any way to the rest of humanity. You want to punish adoptive children by making them constantly aware that they are not part of a real family, that they are second-class citizens, and that they can never truly have a strong relationship with the adults who love them.
Not just insane, but evil. As I’ve stated before, I feel so incredibly sorry for any child, or any human for that matter, who has to interact with you for any reason.
Okay, but how in the world are my sister & BIL pretending? My nephew will never not know that he’s adopted. It’s a basic fact of his life, one that his parents make no effort to hide from anyone. He’s going to know exactly who he is and where he came from, and why it all happened the way it did.
And you honestly, honestly don’t see the harm it would do if my nephew was forced to call his “caretakers” Mr. and Mrs. B while his brother and sister got to call them Mom and Dad? (Sister is perfectly capable of carrying and giving birth to a baby, btw. That’s not what makes her a Mom.) Seriously?
Why is he referring to a boy and girl who aren’t his blood relatives as brother and sister? To me it sounds like the set up for a gothic incest novel. I can see a lot of harm in this boy having to feel like he must call people that aren’t his parents mom and dad in order to have a food and safety. It implies he is only worth their effort if they can lay claim to him and without that he is worth nothing to them. If I was a child in that situation my first thoughts would be these people don’t care about me, it’s all about them and what they can get out of me.
They are his parents. The boy and girl are his siblings. Your definitions of parents and siblings are false.
par·ent (pârnt, pr-)
n.
One who begets, gives birth to, or nurtures and raises a child; a father or mother.
An ancestor; a progenitor.
An organism that produces or generates offspring.
A guardian; a protector.
A parent company.
A source or cause; an origin: Despair is the parent of rebellion.
moth·er 1 (mr)
n.
1.
a. A female person who is pregnant with or gives birth to a child.
b. A female person whose egg unites with a sperm, resulting in the conception of a child.
c. A woman who adopts a child.
d. A woman who raises a child.
2. A female parent of an animal.
3. A female ancestor.
4. A woman who holds a position of authority or responsibility similar to that of a mother: a den mother.
Because the non-lunatic definition of family isn’t limited to blood relatives, you festering nutsack. Ties of affection, a shared upbringing, and loyalty to people who care for one another is ALSO a part of a non-lunatic definition of family, you inflamed pustule on the buttcrack of society.
Get a lot of that in your family, do you? If so, I can see how fucked up your sense of family would be. If not, that statement says a lot about your mindset.
All of this interpretation is coming from the maggot-infested tissue that you call a brain. There is nothing in the situation related above that in any way implies any of this fantastically-twisted monstrosity of a claim.
So, you’ve been an evil fucking lunatic your whole life, even as a child. Got it.
Yea, at this point I’m just engaging because I don’t want anyone to miss the fact that this one? Is banana-crackers. Just in case she’s still got ANY semblance of acceptance by anyone.
Many adopted kids know that they are adopted from a young age. I’d like to see any evidence whatsoever that kids who are raised in households where adoption is an open topic are being ‘forced’ to call their adoptive parents mom and dad. In your world is there any distinction between being forced to do something and just having the option of doing something?
I call my mother Mom because she is the person who raised me - she is the one who cooked me dinner and read me stories and sat up at night with me when I had nightmares. She’s also the one who disciplined me and taught me right from wrong. Now, my parents claim that I came out of my moms uterus, but I don’t really look like her, so what proof do I have? I have even less evidence to believe that my dad is really my biological father. Should I ask them for some kind of proof? What is enough - blood tests, photos of the delivery, what?
Their titles, Mom and Dad, have absolutely nothing to do with the fact that they provided the egg and sperm that made me. They have to do with the thousands of things they did for me after that. If I were to find out tomorrow that I was switched at birth and my parents were not actually my biological parents, should I just stop calling them Mom and Dad after 32 years of doing so?
Kolga, the person in league with evil here seems to be you. Where have I said, children cannot have a strong emotional relationships with the people who care for them? Some people have so elevated a basic a biological connection (parent-children), so that it is the end all and be all of relationships and nothing else but that one type of connection is important or worthy of trying to maintain. Quite frankily I find your insistence that this is the only thing that should matter for family insane, evil, and dangerous. As far as love goes, I don’t think that’s important for raising a child. Too many people love children, spoil them as a result, and produce adults that are if not sociopaths awfully close. Doing your duty and providing discipline and guidance is ultimately more important to the well-being and future of children.
Adoption has become such a sacred cow (and profitable industry) in the West that I doubt such studies will ever be undertaken. If you need proof that your parents are your parents take a DNA test. If they are not, you’re an adult, how you structure your relationship with them is your business, but I think in such a case you do owe it to the people who gave you life (your actual parents) to find them and tell them what happened.
And yet you have denigrated those relationships by demanding that the people involved in those relationships not be allowed to use the words that fit those relationships best, all because of some twisted bullshit idea that you have that biological relationship trumps all.
That would be you, crazy Mary. YOU are the one arguing that a basic biological connection is the ONLY parent-child relationship possible.
Good, then you agree with me that YOUR insistence that biological relationship dictates parenthood is insane, evil and dangerous. I’m glad we’re making progress.
This statement is quite, quite telling, and is a clue as to where your twisted vile notion of parenting comes from.
One can do one’s duty to provide discipline and guidance AS WELL AS provide love and affection. It’s a pity that your life did not provide such an opportunity. If it had, perhaps you could have been saved from becoming the sick, grotesque caricature of a human being that you are now.
AHAHAHA! OK, you had me going for a while, but now I see you for the fuckheaded troll you are. Well-played, sir (I’m going to assume you’re a lonely middle-aged man from here on out).
I notice you have to go several definitions down on those lists to find anything that matches adopters. Also, with reference to definition 1.), No.6 for father as A source or cause; if a baby is conceived during drunken sex, is Coors the father?