In light of many of our sex scandals, there has been some theory slinging about how it’s no wonder that those most opposed to sex act out on it in inappropriate ways. How much influence does our perception of sex have on what we find sexy? I want to explore.
1)One a scale of one to ten, grade the influence of each factor on your perception of sex, and sexual education during your developmental years. One being weak, ten being very strong:
[ul]
[li]The media[/li][li]Your religion[/li][li]Your parents[/li][li]Public school[/li][li]Your family as a whole[/li][li]Your friends[/li][/ul]
2)From the same list of factors, how did each respond to the subject of sex?
[list=a]
[li]Casual. Joke fodder, dinner table conversation…a natural part of life and pleasure.[/li][li]Formal. Not spoke about, but not shyed away from either. Questions were answered in full and in detail, and then the subject usually changed.[/li][li]Awkward towards the subject and with some amount of aversion and discomfort.[/li][li]Strict, and held in a very high regard. Possibly with rules as to how it should be done, at what age, to whom, and under what circumstances.[/li][li]It was not to be talked about. It was all vulgar and disgusting.[/li][li]Other. Describe at your own will.[/li][/list]
How many of the following kinks do you possess? A few (1-5), some (5-13), or most (14-All)?
[ul]
[li]Heavy whipping[/li][li]Gentle whipping[/li][li]Bodily fluids[/li][li]Body parts not usually considered for their sex appeal (ex. feet)[/li][li]Hair pulling[/li][li]Bizzare insertions[/li][li]Choking[/li][li]Nudes[/li][li]Genital torture[/li][li]Furries[/li][li]Hentai[/li][li]Lesbian[/li][li]Social taboos[/li][li]Role playing[/li][li]Gay[/li][li]Restraints[/li][li]Psychological domination[/li][li]Physical domination[/li][li]An appeal to objects usually not associated with sex, but made sexually appealing without insertion (ex. Balloons, smashing cell phones)[/li][li]People dressed in costumes not usually associated with sex (ex. clowns)[/li][li]Heterosexual intercourse[/li][li]Masturbation of either sex[/li][li]Group sex[/li][li]Oral sex[/li][li]Anal[/li][/ul]
4)Finally, do you personally see any correlation between the most influential attitude towards your sexual development and your fetishes? For instance, say your parent regarded sex with fear. Do you fantasize about Freddy Krueger? If they regarded it as though it were weird, do you fantasize about things you classify as being weird?
[ul]
[li]The media 10[/li][li]Your religion 1[/li][li]Your parents 10[/li][li]Public school 1[/li][li]Your family as a whole 5[/li][li]Your friends 3[/li][/ul]
[ul]
[li]The media A[/li][li]Your religion B[/li][li]Your parents C[/li][li]Public school B[/li][li]Your family as a whole C[/li][li]Your friends A[/li][/ul]
Some
I think my parent’s awkward stance on sex has thrown a few fetishes my way that I otherwise wouldn’t have. Sometimes my fantasies totally come way out of left field without any real rhyme or reason and I can’t but help think that it’s because of growing up without any real structure for my perception towards sex. I had the TV and movies explain a lot to me, but they don’t always explain things so much as they celebrated certain aspects of the act. An imagination filling in the gaps with the assumption that the end result is going to be awkward is going to have some goofy results. My family as a whole were influential, but only in that they contributed to my perception of how a person should be viewed based on how they go about hooking up with other people.
For one, fetishes are different than kinks. Fetishes are something that a person must include because she or he can not get off without them. Kinks are just something that a person enjoys or plays with on an occasional basis.
Secondly, you can’t include sexual orientation as a kink since there is strong evidence that it is genetically determined and not environmental influenced like fetishes or kinks.
Thirdly, fantasizing is different than kinks. Kinks are generally practiced yet not all fantasies are. I think this distinction should be made because upbringing determines how open one is to exploration in their fantasy life.
Finally, prevalence needs to be considered. A person who scatters several of the behaviors you define as “kinks” is different than a person who focuses on just one or two but engages in them in nearly all encounters.
I’m relatively familiar with the term fetish and I’ve never heard it used as a way to describe something that was an absolute prerequisite for someone to be sexually active. You’re trying to hard to draw a distinction that, in my mind, is rather unclear.
That’s because, in common terms, fetish is often used as a synonym for kink. Since this is a survey, a method of fact gathering, I assume he wants to use terms used by people within the field of Sexology. Even if we are just doing a general discussion, it helps to clarify the terms. If a person says in response to this survey “I have a boots fetish” it helps to know if they like their sexual partners to be wearing boots or they require it.
According to the American Psychological Association, for an individual to have a fetish, they must gain sexual arousal from an inanimate object or “body part that is not typically associated with sexual arousal.” An individual with an intense shoe fetish will be sexually aroused by the shoes themselves.
It is also worth noting that a lot of the things listed as “fetishes” are actually paraphilias. BDSM, furry sex, exhibition, necrophilia, zoophilia, etc are not fetishes. As stated earlier, fetishes involve objects. An individual could have the paraphilia of BDSM but no fetishes. Or, you could have a fetish for handcuffs but not have the paraphilia of BDSM. Paraphilias are defined by the American Psychological Association as “when a person’s sexual gratification is highly or completely dependent on fantasies, urges, or behaviors that fall outside the socially accepted range of sexual behavior” and “cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.”
You should find these definitions in any good text of Human Sexuality or Psychology. I used Hockenbury & Hockenbury’s Psychology, 4th edition.
Correct you are on the first account. I have a bad habit of swapping the two in and out for each other. Too late to edit in corrections now :smack: .
I didn’t mean to include sexual orientation as a kink. A person can be heterosexual and enjoy two people of the opposite sex go at it.
I’m not interested in whether or not a person practices their fantasies, just in what way does the perception of sex they’re raised around affect how they think about it.
And I think on you’re right on the third account as well. I should have thought the test through a bit more.
media: Casual
religion: Strict, and I completely disregarded anything it happened to say about the subject.
parents: Awkward.
school: Formal
family: Awkward
friends: Casual
9 or so, I find a lot of the things on the list interesting and entertaining in terms of sexual gratification.
Which was also on the list.
* The media: 5, casual
* Your religion: 0, nonexistent
* Your parents: 2, formal/casual. I was more uptight than they were
* Public school: 3, formal
* Your family as a whole: 2, formal/casual.
* Your friends: 8 (if ‘friends’ includes ‘girls/women I had sex with’, 4 otherwise), casual
kinks: a few, and pretty much the most vanilla ones. Would ethnic/racial xenophilia count under ‘social taboo’?