Oh, my. Can you imagine the gymnastics Hal is going through right now, trying to keep poor kittenlm off the Dope? “No, really, honey…you don’t want to go there. All those Katrina threads, it’s just depressing, there’s nothing to see…”
sigh… another marriage lost to extramarital sheep love.
I wouldn’t mind it half as much if she would stop e-mailing the link to this thread to friends, family, coworkers, old classmates and random strangers.
Email this link to random strangers? Well, now, there’s an idea.
I wouldn’t do something like that, would ewe?
I’d hate Hal to think his feelings were unrequited. To reassure him, this just in from the top paddock:
Sheep loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah
Sheep loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah
Sheep loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
You think you’ve lost your love
Well I shore her yesterday
It’s you sheep’s thinking of
And sheep told me what to say
Sheep say sheep loves you
And you know that can’t be bad
Yes, sheep loves you
And you know ewe should be glad
Sheep said you hurt her so
Sheep almost lost her mind
But now sheep says sheep knows
You’re not the hurting kind
Sheep loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah
Sheep loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah
Sheep loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
**** Liberally adapted from “Maria”, from West Side Story****
Hal’s Sheep…ah !
I’ve just had a date with Hal’s sheep- ah!
And suddenly I’m full
Of lanolin and wool. Who-heeeeeee.
Hal’s Sheep…ah !
We can’t get enough of Hal’s Sheep…ah.
He’s never made a peep
Of amorous-y sheep, till now.
**** Liberally adapted from “New York State of Mind” as sung by Billy Joel****
Some folks like to just get laid
Buy some sheep-lines gloves, once they’ve just been paid.
Spin wool in the Rockies, or San Diego Zoo.
But we know what Hal’s jonesin’
And we don’t wanna waste his time.
He’s in a Sheep Love state of mind.
Ooooh yeah, he’s in a Sheep Love state of mind.
Cartooniverse
This is For Lamb Lover In You, Hal Bristol!
The greatest R&B love/sheep collection of all time!
She’s A Baaad Lamb-a Jam-a
Love On A Two-Way Sheep
Sexual Bleating
Quiet Porn
Lambie In My Life
I’ve Got Sheep On My Mind
Lambs Get It On
The Whole Town’s Baaa-ing at Me
Tender Lamb
If This Wool Were Mine
Hope That We Can Bleat Together Soon
Tonight, I Celebrate My Lamb For You
and the bossa nova sensation, The Sheep From Ipenema
Plus these unforgettable jams by singer R. Kelly!
ChompN’Grind
Down Low (The Shepherd Doesn’t Have To Know)
I Bleat, I Can Fly
Feelin’ On Yo’ Woolly
Trapped in the Sheep Set
The sheep’s milk reminds me of Kingpin.
<adapted>
Yes, that’s one lesson we could learn from this thread.
I think the real lesson, though, is: When you’re having sex with a sheep, don’t fall in love.
When you’re basking in the afterglow, you’ll feel like you’re on top of the world, and want to run to the internet to shout it out to the whole world. But then the cold reality of day sets in, and you have to make up some story about a “coworker” and a “meeting” to cover up that you’ve confessed to the Love That Dare Not Bleat Its Name.
Strength, brother. Strength.
Well, as we pick on poor Hal, he’s getting letters of support from all over the world.
From Slovenia…
From New Zealand…
From Australia…
From Ukraine…
From Japan…
From Mongolia…
From Uganda…
And, of course, from the good old USA!
And in Soviet Russia, sheep fucks you!
You forgot the most classic one
Black Betty by Ram Jam
Whoa, Black Betty (Bam-ba-Lamb)
Whoa, Black Betty (Bam-ba-Lamb)
Black Betty had a child (Bam-ba-Lamb)
The damn thing gone wild (Bam-ba-Lamb)
She said, “I’m worryin’ outta mind” (Bam-ba-Lamb)
The damn thing gone blind (Bam-ba-Lamb)
I said Oh, Black Betty (Bam-ba-Lamb)
Whoa, Black Betty (Bam-ba-Lamb)
Oh, Black Betty (Bam-ba-Lamb)
Whoa, Black Betty (Bam-ba-Lamb)
She really gets me high (Bam-ba-Lamb)
You know that’s no lie (Bam-ba-Lamb)
She’s so rock steady (Bam-ba-Lamb)
And she’s always ready (Bam-ba-Lamb)
Whoa, Black Betty (Bam-ba-Lamb)
Whoa, Black Betty (Bam-ba-Lamb)
Whoa, Black Betty (Bam-ba-Lam)
Whoa, Black Betty (Bam-ba-Lam)
She’s from Birmingham (Bam-ba-Lam)
Way down in Alabam’ (Bam-ba-Lam)
Well, she’s shakin’ that thing (Bam-ba-Lam)
Boy, she makes me sing (Bam-ba-Lam)
Whoa, Black Betty (Bam-ba-Lam)
Whoa, Black Betty BAM-BA-LAM
And you will *like it, comrade!
How much would a sheep shagger shag if a sheep shagger could shag sheep cheap?
This thread brought to you in part by the Wyoming Tourist Commision.
“Wyoming, where the men are men, and the sheep are willing!”
Oh, and don’t forget that old sailor’s chanty, written on long voyages:
What would ewe do with a drunken Bristol
What would ewe do with a drunken Bristol
What would ewe do with a drunken Bristol
Ear-ly in the mornin’?
Put 'em in the longboat until he’s “shorn her”
Put 'em in the longboat until he’s “shorn her”
Put ‘em in the longboat until he’s “shorn her”
Ear-ly in the mornin’
Waiter: How would you like your mutton cooked, sir?
Hal: Cooked?
Stares up at monolithic thread
My God,it’s full of sheep.
Some movies for Hal: 
Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex * But Were Afraid to Ask (1972)
Quote:
[Dr. Ross’s wife has caught him in bed with a sheep wearing sexy black garters]
Mrs. Ross: [upset] How could you?
Dr Doug Ross: This is Mrs. Bencours, one of my patients. She thinks she’s a sheep.
The Sheepman (1958) stimulating entertainment for Hal
Babe (1995) lotsa sheep
and in case he likes historical
A Flock of Sheep (1899)
Just ancinet footage of sheep. (Think old french postcards)
FYI, Ram Jam covered this song, which was originally done by Huddie Ledbetter, more commonly known as Leadbelly.
This musical interlude brought to you by Spiff.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled sheep shagging.
He’s got it baaaad, so baaaaaad.
He’s hot for sheepah!
(The only part of “Hot for Teacher” I know, and I got it through infomercials.)
