My ex-daughter-in-law moved to Florida and is trying to start her life over. She plans to go back to college once she is a resident in January.
She has a job but doesn’t have a lot of money (after the nightmare in New Orleans, it brings home more than ever the indignities people have to suffer because they don’t have money). Anyway, 2-3 months ago when she first moved in the boyfriend of the landlady stuck his head in her open door when she was sweeping and made a remark about how he would like to be in that bed (which was visible from the doorway). She told him she was insulted and not that kind of person and that he should go back to his girlfriend. She figures she insulted his machimiso (he’s Colombian, as is she) because Latin men are assholes if rejected (like the ones that massacre their families because the wife is divorcing them). After that, he put a can of corrosive on her car and it disolved the paint; of course she couldn’t prove it. Then he started calling her and hanging up; she had to answer for reasons that are too long to go into. I told her about the whistle trick. When she told the landlady, she kicked him out, but he was back two weeks later. Now my DIL is the villain. When he takes out the trash he peers into her bedroom window, so she has to keep the shades down. . She asked the owner of the building to talk to him, but he uses the guy as a cheap handyman so he doesn’t want to get rid of him. She has a record of the phone calls but she can’t prove it’s him and when she went right upstairs to confront the landlady the last time he called, she said it wasn’t him because he wasn’t home. Boy, she must be really stupid (of course she did take him back). So, this doesn’t rise to the level of stalking and he hasn’t made any threats. She has no one to help her. Friends and family are states away. It makes my blood boil. I would have no trouble going over there and threatening to rip his ignorant head off, but I’m not there. I think the police have better things to do. She doesn’t have any money to move. She moved there because another guy was trying to force her to go to his church at the old apartment. I think the problem is that she is in a predominantly Latin community, a woman alone, and is viewed as easy prey. I’m just blowing off steam because I can’t think of anything to do but have my son call him (he can be scary) and threaten him. But she is afraid that will make it worse. Is there any lawful way for her to get this guy to leave her alone? I even thought about having an attorney write him a letter threatening to get a restraining order, but of course no court would issue one, I don’t believe anyway. God, this makes me mad. :mad: :mad: :mad:
I don’t see the word “police” in your post anywhere.
BTW, the landlady is an idiot. The boyfriend didn’t make the calls because he wasn’t home? Oh, well, process of elimination, the landlady made the calls and is guilty of harassment. Your DIL needs to call the police and file a complaint against the landlady for harassing phone calls and against the boyfriend for being a peeping Tom. You’re probably right that a court wouldn’t issue any sort of restraining order based on what you’ve said. So your DIL needs to start building a paper trail of complaints and police action.
Oh, sorry, I do see the word “police” in there, but I don’t see the phrase “police report.”
You say you think the police have better things to do with their time. Like what, search for the boyfriend after he’s assaulted, raped or killed your DIL? Domestic issues (and this is a domestic issue) start off with petty shit like harassing phone calls and peeping, but can escalate quickly, especially if you’re talking about someone who thinks his manhood’s been insulted because your DIL doesn’t want to have sex with him.
Any chance the boyfriend is illegal? Getting his ass deported, off an anonymous tip of course, would certainly keep him away from DIL.
If her phone company operates like mine does, DIL can “mark” the harassing calls in the switch by pressing *57 after the call. Then, if she has an active case going with the police, the officer can call the phone company and have a list of the incoming calls transmitted to him or her.
She is saving the calls in her cell; but the landlady has a reason to call her. She collects her mail because they were having a theft problem in the building and she calls her when she has some for her. She’s going to get a PO Box so she won’t have to answer the phone anymore when she sees the landladys number. It give me the creeps that ass has access to her mail.
Okay, maybe I’ll tell her to at least go down to the police station and make a report, just to have it on the record.
I told her from now on to never tell anyone she is alone or single; and to wear a wedding ring and tell people her husband is in Iraq and her family lives nearby. If this creep throught there was someone to protect her he would think twice.
I forgot to mention: he never says anything when he calls. But he knows she knows it’s him because she sees the calling number. I told her to try the whistle in the ear trick until she gets her new PO box.
Can’t you put a restraining order on just about anybody? I don’t think you need to prove a whole lot of anything.
I know my sister got one on a guy that was bothering her with out a whole lot of proof. (Not sure of the details though)
After you get the restraining order make sure your DIL makes written statements o the landlady requesting she keep him away. If she doesn’t comply with in a reasonable amount of time; she could take the landy lady to small claims court to get out of the lease and possibly get some of her money back.
I can’t see how any of the above suggestions will be of any practical use, except to document the harassment. It’s not going to make him stop, it will only antagonize her landlady, and she will never be comfortable living there unless landlady and jerk both voluntarily move far, far away for unrelated reasons. The best thing to do to make it end is to give her the money for a deposit on a new place and then help her pack up and move.
I’m with Otto. Get the cops involved. They will not see it as a waste of their time or too minor to bother with. They will see it as a stalker and a potential, break in, rape, assualt, and possibly murder.
If she wants, a cop would probably be willing to speak with the stalker about how ‘they’ve received complaints’ and ‘are watching certain men in the area’. He would then know that the cops have their eye on him, any attacks on the DIL can be traced to him, and that the minute he steps over the line he will be arrested.
I agree with Mama Zappa; a local women’s shelter will have people who will realize this is a serious problem and will be able to give good advice on how to handle it.
All I know is: call someone. A shelter, the police, whomever.
I’ve had my fair share of creepily obsessive guys (our gardeners staring in my window while I was asleep, the neighbor’s husband sitting on top of the fence and watching me through the window) and, lemme tell ya, nothing is scarier to a young girl than that. I know that I am pretty much powerless if something were to happen (like, realistically, 5’3 me would be able to out-fight a 6’3 250 man), so the best thing to do is handle the situation before anything happens.
Once again, please tell her to call someone. I know just how scary that situation can be.
I guess my answer was a bit incomplete. I’m all for getting the law involved, and getting this guy put in jail if he does something criminal…but for day-to-day practicality and peace of mind, she needs to get out of there.
If she calls the cops on him and still lives there, do you think the landlady is going to react kindly to her boyfriend getting hauled off to jail? Is she going to sweetly greet DIL when she sees her and make sure her sink gets fixed in a timely manner? Are these two people going to say to themselves, “oh, my, what he did was wrong and we’re going to live good, righteous lives from now on, spreading joy and peace wherever we go…thanks for showing us the error of our ways and getting boyfriend thrown in jail!” All the restraining orders in the world won’t help if they still live in proximity to each other. DIL will still not be able to sleep at night.
So she should report him to the authorities and GET OUT! I know it doesn’t seem fair that she would have to leave, but unless and until the landlady is out of there, that place is not safe for her. And as long as the landlady knows where she lives, the boyfriend will know where she lives, and he seems like the vindictive type who will want revenge. So it may not be fair, or right, but it is necessary, in my opinion.
IME with friends involved in similar issues, the police might be very helpful (and even then there are limits to what they can do) or might be completely unresponsive. It’s a coin toss. It might be different in the USA, but somehow I suspect not.
So, generally speaking, I too am of the opinion that the best solution, if practically possible, is to move. The OP relative needs peace of mind before everything else. And being away from this pair is the most efficient way of achieving this goal. For the same reasons mentionned by previous posters, I think it’s better to have the police involved and to have records of what’s happening. But I think it’s unlikely to solve the problem.
So, my opinion would be : have the police involved as a temporary “patch”, and plan to move ASAP, if at all possible.