“You’re under arrest for transporting young gulls across the State Lion for immoral porpoises.”
I can’t wait to tell all my friends - I just did it with Rhino Neil.
That would make a lovely story!
And he didn’t try to tear off her batik gown–because love means never having to save your sari…
He told me to send up some flares, so I made fun of his trousers.
[spoiler]There once was a farmer named Rama who kept losing his llamas. A friend told him that his ram was an excellent llama herder, so the farmer bought a ram named Huput. Huput was an excellent llama herder and the farmer and Huput spent many a happy day in the mountains herding llamas.
Sadly, one day Huput passed away. The farmer was devastated. He thought of replacing Huput, but he could not bear to do it. Instead he made bells for his llamas. He hung the bells on collars around the llamas neck. That we he could hear his llamas even if the wandered away.
He still missed Huput though. As a reminder he scuplted the clapper of each bell in the shape of Huput’s head.[/spoiler]
And that is the story of Huput the ram in the Rama llama’s ding-dong.
When I heard it it was “staid lions for immortal porpoises.”
The Norman Tab and apple choir.
(I just read this one this morning!) Yes (Ron) Santo, there is a Virginia clause.
That’s when I knew … we were dealing with a surreal killer.
Reminds me of what happened to my sister when she applied to Indiana University (she had heard good things about their library sciences program, and was willing to go out of state). When she submitted her application, her high school counselor told her that she would need to include information about her outside activities, including any jobs she had held during her high school years. Well, the only job she had ever held down was bagging groceries at the local Safeway. The counselor told her that she should polish that up a bit and claim that she had been a cashier, but my sister felt that anything short of strict honesty would come back to bite her in the ass, so she put down the correct information and sent in the packet.
Two weeks later, she got the dreaded skinny envelope from Bloomington, IN. Inside was a rejection letter giving the reason why she wasn’t being accepted:
“Baggers can’t be Hoosiers”
Chiggers can’t be boozers, either.
Panda: eats, shoots, and leaves
The Moron Tab and Apple Choir
“Did you know him?” “No, but his face sure rings a bell.”
Two Wongs don’t make a white.
Variation of one I saw above: If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Jamal.
One more I just remembered hearing forever ago!
“Honest tea is the best, Polly C.”
Jesus Christ! Why am I still getting these things years after posting???
And it’s NOT “Chiggers” Godammit! It’s “Chegros”. Jesus, haven’t I taught y’all anything at all???
Whoa! Did someone type Quasi’s name three times while looking in a mirror? 
“Of course not, it’s a cereal!”
People who live in grass houses shouldn’t stow thrones.
The squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws on the other two hides.