Me and my wife heard two perspectives of the same thing after the date. She said that she had a good time but she didn’t feel like drinking so she just drank milk (I believe it was multiple times). That was just said offhand and she didn’t think anything of it. The story that I relayed was basically what he told us from his perspective. Before they went out, he was taken by her because she was so innocent and “refreshing”. When he saw just how deep to the core that ran, it caused a problem. I mentioned before that he was 35 but I didn’t mention that she was only 26 at the time. Having a fairly large age gap probably didn’t help that perception any.
See, among the “sophisticated”, it’s cool that people look a certain way, as long as they aren’t actually (gasp!) the kind of people they appear to be. After all, your average sophisticated snot has to spend thousands to get that ‘fresh off the farm’ look.
Your friend sounds like a grade-A jerk.
Oops. That was supposed to be from Sam Stone.
[QUOTE=DoctorJ.
That is quite a bit different from ordering a non-alcoholic drink in a bar. Presumably, she was quite satisfied with the milk. A vegan on a strict low carb diet should tell you that beforehand, but someone who does not feel like drinking has every right to expect that a good time can be had by all if she abstains.
I can’t imagine why. Are you asking her out to get to know her or to watch her drink? Why would you want her to engage in an activity that makes her uncomfortable?
I don’t see why it’s that different. Ordering a glass of milk in a snooty beer and wine bar is not that much different from ordering a bowl of plain lettuce in a steakhouse. And this is not a case of “not feeling like drinking”; she knew that she did not like beer or wine, and that she would not be drinking any such things, before they went there.
I don’t want her to do anything that makes her uncomfortable. That’s the point. I wouldn’t want to take her someplace where she would be expected to do something that would make her uncomfortable. If she hated dancing and refused to do it, I would not want to take her out dancing. If she wouldn’t eat sushi, I wouldn’t want to take her out for sushi. She may be perfectly content sitting there eating rice and lettuce, but I would be very uncomfortable eating sushi in front of her and I would be wishing that she had mentioned this before. It isn’t about wanting to watch her eat; I would just wish we could have done something we both could have appreciated.
My whole point is that the initial conversation should have gone something like this:
Him: So do you want to go out sometime? I know this great beer and wine bar, a really fancy joint called Snooty McTightass’s. We could get a drink there after work.
Her: I’d love to, but I really don’t like beer or wine. I do know this great coffee shop, though…
Are we sure he informed her of the choice of venue beforehand?
But what I don’t get is if she is content with a non-alcoholic beverage, why does she need to suggest that he be content as well? She was glad to go to the wine bar where she could have what she wanted and he could have what he wanted. A drink (or a cup of coffee) is quite a bit different from a complete meal. Sure, if someone asks me out on a date to a seafood restaurant and I cannot abide seafood, it would be wise of me to suggest an alternative. But a drink in a bar? This guy was not a bit concerned about how comfortable his date was; if anything, he was embarassed to be seen with her. To call her a simpleton for drinking milk is indefensible.
Agreed. We all have things we’re “into”, whether they generally count as sophisticated or not. If I invited someone to see an avant-garde jazz ensemble, and then discovered that (despite their courtesy during the event) they found jazz in all its forms to be excruciating, I’d be fairly upset. I’d wonder if they had a nice time at all, if I had somehow bullied them into attending, and if they had enough self-respect to suggest something else rather than sit through something they hated. It’d put a damper on future relationships.
But I don’t judge people for not having the sophistication in regards to jazz that I do - it’s not everyone’s thing. Admittedly I’ve been known to judge folks’ music taste a little, but I’d hardly be one to let a relationship go away just because the other person didn’t have the same “worldly” musical taste that I do. 'Course, if they had truly abysmal taste in music, I’d expect them to be able to hold their own in other areas, because I’m not one of those folks who gets a kick out of being the worldly one who educates the other person. There’s no real loss in losing someone who would build a picture of you out of one drink order.
This whole thread–multiple posts re: the putting out of bar staff by ordering the milk, the inappropriateness of the beverage for a bar, etc.–and you couldn’t have bothered to tell us that she had multiple glasses of milk? That would have cut down the thread by a good 3 pages!
First post to this trainwreck and I agree with the OP; the moral of your anecdote is that your friends were better off with other people, not that being a picky eater is a huge burden and ruins everybody else’s fun. Also, we now know that your friend John is an ass, Suzie is better off having discovered it on the first date, and she is unfortunate to have a “friend” such as you who thinks so little of her.
What’s scary is that I actually understood some of that.
Let me be sure I have this straight. You’re knocking people who feel superior to others, and in doing so have said:
-
“only an idiot” thinks differently from you about this
-
beer and wine connoisseurs are “fancy-pants” types
-
people who do feel superior to you are “shit-brained”
-
the “dimwits” will judge you in “dimwitted ways”
-
(4) is the natural order of things
-
what you’ve come across is an amalgam of “arrogance and idiocy”
-
you contemplate bookmarking all of it as a reference to document your superior argument
May I assume your entire post was one giant whoosh? Surely.
I’ve read many, but certainly not all the replies. However…
A truly sophistcated man would have ordered his lady’s glass of milk and challenged the bartender to pistols at dawn if he had gotten so much as a funny look. Is chivalry dead?
John failed Suzie’s test, in my opinion.
Nah, you misread me almost entirely by missing a couple important qualifications. I dunno if I wanna try to 'splain this to ya, though. Last time I tried to explain something to you, you misread those posts, too, made a few false assertions, and then exited the thread. You’ll have to pardon me, but I’m not looking for a repeat of that.
Uh huh. Oh, wait. It’s you again, isn’t it. I remember your impassioned soliloquies, vaguely. Something about assumptions I was making in my head, and how you could see those, thus catching me in the act of reading the minds of others. I suppose your post above makes more sense now. It is your superiority that equips you to espy that others perceive themselves superior, just as it was your mind reading skills that equipped you to read my mind to determine that I read minds. If only I were the bastard child of a vulcan and a betazoid, I could match your wondrous talent.
At any rate, I do wish you’d tell me what nuance I overlooked in your latest puissant post. What interstice bypassed my interlinear vision? What penumbra has left me soaked from your precipitous wisdom? Let me document what I perceived, and you can regale me with the two important qualifications that I missed.
1) “only an idiot” thinks differently from you about this
I took this from “Drinking milk in a bar, though understandably disconcerting to a wine-lover, is not a sign of ignorance, rudeness, or immaturity, and only an idiot would think otherwise.” The only qualifier about idiots that I see is, well, “only”.
2) beer and wine connoisseurs are “fancy-pants” types
I took this from “Now don’t misunderstand me here: If I was one of them fancy-pants beer/wine connoisseur type folk, then yes, I’d dump that milk drinkin’ broad faster than youc’n spit.” Inasmuch as the expression appears in a prepositional phrase, the only qualifier attached is “them”. Love the folksy Bodettisms, by the way.
3) people who do feel superior to you are "shit-brained"
I took this from “If other people want to feel superior to me because milk happens to be my favorite beverage (unless the milk-shake is also considered a beverage), then that’s their own shit-brained choice.” Now, here I suppose you could argue that the only people you feel superior to (assuming you do not believe yourself to be shit-brained) are people who feel superior to you about milk being your favorite beverage. It is, after all, qualified by a long clause. Of course, if indeed they are shit-brained and you are not, then we must assume you feel superior to them unless you are using some renegade definition of shit.
4) the “dimwits” will judge you in "dimwitted ways"
I got this from “Now I, for one, fully expect that this will happen, that the dimwits will judge me in their own dimwitted ways.” I’m afraid that the only qualifier I see here is “the”, although I will concede that there might be a word between “the” and “dimwits” that I missed. Sometimes, my eyeballs go into spasms, but usually I’m aware of it when it happens. Conceivably, my whole body could have been in a synchronous pattern of spasms, along with my whole environment. A sudden shower of quantum farts or something.
5) (4) is the natural order of things
I got this from “That’s the natural order of things.” I suppose it is possible that your “that” was modifying some distant antecedant, perhaps from another thread, since you like to drag other threads around with you, like some sort of security blanket that might assist you when you pen your scintillating rhetoric.
6) what you’ve come across is an amalgam of "arrogance and idiocy"
I got this from “What we have here is one of the finest amalgams of arrogance and idiocy I’ve ever come across.” Now here, admittedly, I did leave out your qualifier “finest”. Of course, including it would serve only to elevate your superiority to even more dizzying heights. I reckon you might have meant “finest” in some bizarre sense, sort of an amalgam of arrogance and idiocy but-in-a-good-way.
7) you contemplate bookmarking all of it as a reference to document your superior argument
I got this from “I might just bookmark these pages to have a ready reference of the lengths to which some people will go to feel superior to others.”
Perhaps it was my liberal paraphrase of “might just” into “contemplate” that has done me in, but I must admit that I am flummoxed. It seems to me that you discern in yourself no fewer than seven qualities that are superior to those rat bastards who fancy themselves to be superior to you. I am enthralled by the tenebrous presentiment of your impending elucidation. Perhaps you can put that inimitable wit of yours to work on an explanation so compelling that I will be unable but to recognize the humility that oozed where I saw only hubris.
Alright, I’ll go for this. Maybe you won’t retreat from this thread like you did the other.
When you write posts to tell us what we’re thinking, there’s no need for me to read your mind to find out that you’re convinced that you know what we’re thinking. It’s as simple as cutting-and-pasting, as I’ve already explained. If you hadn’t tucked your tail and ran from that thread, though, you might’ve figured that out. There’s still time to return to it, though.
The key word in your bolded portion is “this,” which I have underlined. “This” is referring to
My underline. Amazing that you can take your own posts out of context to further your agenda. Good try, there, but I’m not knocking all people who feel superior to others. For example, I feel superior to you, and with every post you made in that other thread (I’m sorry that you only remember me “vaguely” considering that your last post in that thread was yesterday. Senility, perhaps?) you made that feeling stronger. Here you’re doing the same. Your 7 points are all aimed to criticize an argument that I never made. You’re misrepresenting me.
This is #2 on your list of me “knocking people who feel superior to others,” but again that wasn’t precisely what I was knocking. Matter o’ fact, most of my friends are connoisseur type-folk. Congratulations, though, on recognizing that the style of that sentence you quoted was different than the rest of the post. I think most people would’ve recognized the variation as a tongue-in-cheek usage, but baby-steps are good.
Do you know what the word “because” means? I will try to explain this without using such a difficult word.
I like milk. I am likely to order milk in a bar. Some people might see this and feel superior to me. A person who sees me drink milk in a bar and feels superior to me is shit-brained.
This is kinda like talking to a toddler, really. I suppose it’s good for me. Builds character. Anyway, the rest of your points continue in the same inane way, an attempt to chastize me by assigning something to me that I didn’t actually say. As I recall from the other thread (thankfully I’m not suffering from the terrible yesterday-amnesia that’s gripped you), you have a nasty habit of doing that sort of thing.
I wasn’t being humble, and I freely admit that. This is because my complaint was about idiots who feel that they are somehow better than others for moronic reasons like beverage choice, hence my comment about idiocy and arrogance combining.
Did I go slow enough for you this time, or am I going to have to spend another 10 posts explaining this to you?
Actually, I believe I will. And so will you. Unless you intend to post in it ad infinitum.
You mean, like what I’ve done here?
The perceptions of a navel-picking fop such as yourself are remarkable, really. Amusingly, you seem to fancy yourself to be of some importance to me. Your infantile line of reasoning likely goes something like this: he left that thread; I was in that thread; therefore, he left because of me. What else could a man with your superiority complex believe? It was Priceguy, a poster whom I admire, that was my concern. Once I had apologized to him, I had no further business there. Your role in that thread, which you fulfilled nicely, was that of a carpet flea imagining itself to be Napolean.
Excuse me. You may assign your own thises all you want. In fact, that is what I’m trying to get you to do here — point out the two important qualifiers that you said I missed. But you cannot accomplish explaining your own post by rewriting mine to suit yourself. I know very well what my this referred to. What I am unclear about is your own this.
Tell me, who is the som’bitch who said you were knocking all people who feel superior to others? I will join you in beating him about the head and shoulders until he correctly states merely that “You’re knocking people who feel superior to others”, without the word “all”, as I did.
And now there are eight: eight qualities of superiority that you discern in yourself.
Nine.
Well, that’s why we’re here, isn’t it? You’re going to explain to me how the portions of your post that I’ve quoted verbatim, in which you bray endlessly about the inferiority of others, are not ironic in the context of your bookmarking them for later reference on “the lengths to which some people will go to feel superior to others”.
Uh huh. Doubtless, had I accused you of racial bigotry, you would be invoking your many friends of color. Or if I had accused you of homophobia, I would be hearing all about your gay friends and your lesbian roommate. But quite honestly, they would have no more bearing on the point anymore than your connoisseur friends do. All that tells me is that you feel superior to your friends — the “fancy-pants” people.
I’m really not sure what point you’ve made, but it has a certain ambiguous equivalence to “I was just joking”. But if that is the case, then you could have saved both yourself and me a lot of typing by answering my original question — “May I assume your entire post was one giant whoosh?” — with a simple “Yes”.
If you have any evidence that I do not know what the word “because” means, or that I might find the word to be difficult, please present it, because (…wink…) otherwise, you’ve just thrown in the towel. It is the last refuge of a weak debator, when he has blown out all the hot air he has, to begin stuttering and murmuring things about his opponent’s intelligence. It is a tactic born of desperation.
And therefore inferior to you, unless you believe yourself to be something worse than shit-brained. Which is what I said.
And now there are ten. Oh dear, I’m just going to have to feel sorry for you now. You’ve folded like the wings on a shit fly. I had expected better, given your obvious intelligence and command of the language. Perhaps you were in a hurry. Maybe you didn’t have time to formulate a coherent rebuttal and therefore have resorted to putting out your tongue and making fart noises. Please accept my heartfelt invitation to return to any of your points at any time in the future, and make them into something you will be proud of.
Um, actually, I quoted what you said. You know, copy and paste? But I’m not chastizing you. I’m just trying to get you to point out the two important qualifications that you said were there.
I have no amnesia about yesterday; I merely have indifference about you. I’m sure that your username was beside your posts there, but contrary to what you might have expected, I did not go, “Oh, my, what a dizzying percipience! I must stare at this man’s name until it becomes significant to me.” Rather, I came in here and stumbled upon possibly the most ridiculous post I’d seen in quite some time — some self-important coxcomb bellowing about how superior he is to people while berating them about their superiority complexes, and then, as if that weren’t enough, gushing that he would make a permanent legacy of his loquacious palaver by saving it for future reference. The sheer priggishness was nothing short of amazing.
So then, if I have it right, what is important to you is, in your view, the objective standard for what ought to be important to others. Only thing is, by making it into an issue, you have assigned an importance to it. I mean, if it doesn’t matter what people think about beverages, why go to all the bother of explain how milk is a superior choice?
Not necessary unless you feel so inclined. I believe I understand it quite thoroughly now.
Ok, I think I now understand how someone can be clubbed to the ground with a laser scalpel. That was pretty.
You’re absolutely right about this. It’s no more right when I do it than when you do it. I apologize and retract that statement, along with the rest of that shit-brained, anger-blinded post.
You see, even when calling those idiots idiots, I did not somehow believe that I was permenently placing myself above idiot status. Obviously enough, I am capable of soaring heights of stupidity. When this happens, it is only right and fair that I take my lumps and try to learn from the experience. But my forays into the land of the numb-skulled don’t always keep me from recognizing idiocy in others and commenting on it as appropriate.
“People who live in the south are dumb.” I didn’t use the word “all” there. Are you telling me that you wouldn’t consider that statement to apply to all southerners? Wouldn’t you think there was something wrong with it?
People who know more than me about physics or mathematics or scuba-diving or whatever are, quite simply, better than me at those things. There’s nothing wrong with that. There was definitely something wrong with me saying I’m better than you. That was just childish, and I apologize again.
Well said, Stricker.
Stricker van Gogh
That weight you feel on your shoulder is only my arm. I won’t rest it too heavily. I enjoyed the beer and the brawl. It’s good to make friends with a good man, whose name I will remember. Your apologies are accepted. I hope that some day, Daniel will accept mine.