2 elephants and a chandelier fell off a cliff…
BA-DOM-ching
What’s brown and sticky?
- A stick
A guy walks into a psychiatrist office naked and wrapped in Saran wrap. The psychiatrist takes one look and says “I can clearly see your nuts.” (this is one joke that is better spoken due to the your/you’re issue)
Whenever me or my siblings would complain about being cold, my dad would tell us to go stand in the corner, because the corner was always 90 degrees.
He also found it hilarious to have this exchange with people:
Dad: Have you ever seen any pictures of Stevie Wonder’s wife?
Other person: No
Dad: Neither has he.
My old man’s favorite, which I used to torture my own children when driving past a bone orchard.
You know how many people are dead in that cemetery?
All of ‘em.
A lot of Dad Jokes seem to involve graveyards. Make of that what you will.
There used to be a Wachovia (wah-KO-vee-ah bank in these parts till it got bought out by Wells Fargo.
Long before that happened, a friend’s dad told him it was a good thing he started an account at that bank, because they can “watch over ya.”
There I was, 50,000 feet without a parachute. How did I get down, the same way I got up, I took the stairs.:rolleyes:
Wrong time of year but…
What is the first thing Santa’s Little Helpers learn in school
The ELF-abet
Got this from my Dad and passed it down to my kids. As much as they groaned just as I did, I’ll bet they will share it with their kids.
Kid: I’m thirsty
Dad: I’m Friday, meet me on Saturday and we’ll have a Sundae.
The first I heard of the idea was from a comedian who had a successful routine introducing the term. It was new enough then that he had to explain the idea (“Hello Hungry, I’m Dad” – “Is there a place dads go to learn the jokes?”)
(That was before I found the SDMB, so I didn’t know where dads could go to learn the jokes)
I wondered later if he had invented the term. No idea who he was.
On a similar vein:
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it becomes apparent.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the big dummy’s house
…
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
The chicken!
What did the buffalo say to his child as he left for work?
“Bi-son.”
I was a teenager visiting my sister who lived in Winston-Salem at the time when I first encountered Wachovia, and in my ignorance assumed that was the exact intent of the name. Years later, after working there for a few years, I became aware of the “Walk-all-over-ya” version.
I’m totally using this one. That’s gold, Jerry!
Why can’t a T.Rex clap his hands?
Because he’s dead.
Ever since I bought memory foam inserts for my shoes, I always know why I walked into the kitchen.
I’m 20 or so years older than my little sister, and we both like My Chemical Romance, and one time I told a dad-ish joke to her when she said she was going to be volunteering at an old folk’s home: I said “that will be helpful especially if they have constipation: since you’re a teenager you can scare the living shit out of them.”
All my best dad jokes had a visual component. The best reaction was gotten with the one where I opened the fridge, pulled out a lime (or perhaps a bottle of lime juice, it was long ago), and held it over my head, and said to elfbabe: “Look, I’m sublime!” She couldn’t stop laughing even as she groaned with pain. A triumphant moment.
Perfect dad joke. 
A different sort of dad joke:
My dad was a magician.
He wasn’t very good, though.
I have two half-sisters.
mmm