Be careful how you use that. My sister stopped by one time and I told that to my eight year old niece.
Hey reply was, “It’s your house!”
What’s a foot long and slippery?
- A slipper.
We need more like these!
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
-A carrot
That joke’s so old that when it was invented, the Dead Sea was only sick!
The version I know is “Have you seen Stevie Wonder’s new piano?” with the same punchline.
Jose Feliciano used to joke that when he heard the national anthem as a boy, he thought they were singing about him: Jose, can you see?
What’s invisible and smells like carrots?
-Bunny farts
I told my wife a great dad joke today, but it’s in Japanese.
I have some private lessons, including two sisters who are moving soon to Canada.
My wife asked when is the final class. I told her “kyo wa shimai ga oshimai da.”
(The sisters are finished today.)
My eight-year-old thinks I’m a comic genius. I think I have another couple of years until they are too embarrassed to let me out of the house.
Dad jokes… dad jokes… dad jokes… hmmmmm…
OH!! You must want to hear my “The Aristocrats” joke then, right? Okay, Hold on a few minutes, I have to get some bleach for my brain afterwards.
ETA: And nobody give the punchline away, OK?
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Japanese is great for those wordplay jokes, better than English is, I think.
I just heard the manager at my favorite BBQ joint tell this and ran pell-mell home to share it:
On my way home from work today, it was raining cats and dogs and I stepped in a poodle!
Don’t you mean, you ran home roly-poly, pell-mell, tumble-bumble, until you got to the green grass, and there you stopped short? 
^ Yep, something like that.
OMG, I think we had that book!
Nope, I’m SURE we had that book!
Some classics:
Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was assaulted!
A string walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve strings here.” So the string goes back outside, tangles himself up, spikes his hair up, and goes back in. Bartender says, “Hey, aren’t you a string?” String says, “Nope, 'fraid not!”
Don’t you just hate paper towels? They’re terrible!
Old Rudy the Russian was a master of classifying all forms of precipitation. Coming home drenched one day, his wife said to him, “What terrible sleet there is outside!” Rudy replied, “Nyet, it’s only a shower.” “I am quite sure it’s sleet,” insisted his wife. Rudy fixed her with a steely glare and said, “Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear.”
How do you make a hot dog stand?
Take away its chair!
knock, knock
who’s there
2
2 who
no, no…it’s to whom
What do you call a horse that runs around free in the open fields?
- Unstable.
Hey, how do you blow up that horse?
- Neigh-palm.
How do you make anti-freeze?
Hide her longjohns.
What’s the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain?
I don’t know.
So it WAS you!
If Mrs. Sippi and Miss ouri each wore a brand New Jersey, then what did Della wear?
Idaho, Alaska.