Everyone hates but also loved Dad Jokes. A Dad Joke is a joke, usually told by your dad, that is corny and stupid, but also funny. Dad Jokes are often puns. They can’t be dirty. Tell us your Dad Jokes.
For instance, I’m thinking of reasons to move to Switzerland. The flag is a big plus.
Here’s one from my stepfather that I use now that I’m older with children…
“Won’t follow orders: 20 lashes” “Can’t follow orders: 10 lashes”
.
In the lame compliment department:
You’re a pretty fart smeller…
I posted this in another thread, but I think it fits the criteria: Why do buffalo seldom use their cell phones?
Roaming charges
When my four year old stubs his toe, I ask him if we should call the tow truck. I ham it up and keep repeating it until he laughs and forgets his toe hurts.
And, one I’m saving until my kids are old enough to get it:
What do you call a butler with false teeth? An indentured servant.
What’s red and invisible? No tomatoes.
Dad jokes are the best kind of jokes! My wife hates them, which makes them even better! I try to explain that they’re funny because they’re so bad, but I just get blank stares.
The last time my Dad came to visit, the family was in the living room watching TV and I was in the kitchen preparing lunch. I was dicing up some green pepper and one of them was pretty small. I grabbed it, ran it into the living room and set it on my Dad’s foot. “There you go!” I exclaimed. “A little pep in your step!” My mom and wife both groaned. It was great.
We were camping with another family, and were pooling resources to decide what to make for dinner.
Other Mom: I have chicken breasts.
Dad: We can’t all be perfect.
What’s green and noisy and very dangerous?
A thundering herd of pickles.
Why do elephants have cracks between their toes?
To carry their library cards.
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work.
Why do elephants paint their toenails red? To hide in cherry trees.
Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? Works real good, huh?
Did you hear about the dwarf psychic fugitive?
Police put out an APB for a “small medium at large.”
I used to tell my son one of these every Hallowe’en:
What does Roy Rogers call sugar cubes?
Trigger Treats
If a hot dog without a casing is a skinless frank, what do you call a frankless skin?
A hollow wienie
That’s twice now I’ve seen the title as,
“The Threat of Dad Jokes.”
What did the pirate charge for corn?
Yarr, a buck an ear!
Why do ducks have flat feet?
For stamping out forest fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
For stamping out burning ducks.
How do you know if an elephant’s been in your fridge? Toe prints in the butter.
A young author asked an older author what he should name his first book.
The older author asked “are there any drums in it?”
“No.”
“Are there any trumpets in it?”
“Um…no…?”
“Easy, then. Name it No Drums, No Trumpets”
What did the grape say when the elephant sat on him?
Nothing. he just let out a little wine.
What’s big, green, and swims in the ocean?
Moby pickle.
Hey, did you hear the joke about the guy who was fired from his job as a cook at a Waffle House because of his appearance?
Neither have I.
What do men do standing up, women do sitting down, and dogs do with one leg raised?
Shake hands.
I think you’re supposed to win the Internet for that one.