I pulled a “dad joke” on my local doctor’s surgery one time when I rang up to make an appointment:
“Hello, could I come and see a doctor please?”
“Which doctor?”
“No, I don’t want to see a witch-doctor…”
EthrilDad is my hero 
I knew my kids were way too young to get it, but I couldn’t resist.
Years ago we went to see the singer Raffi in concert. It was a lawn setting, we packed snacks. I pulled a bunch of grapes out of the bag and proclaimed, “look, the Grapes of Raff”.
Wrong crowd.
mmm
I’m a dad. Every so often, the following conversation will take place:
Wife: "What time is it?
Son: “It’s 2:30.”
Me: “Time to go to the dentist!”
Without fail, every time we passed a cemetery, my dad would say “people are dying to get in there, you know”.
Why don’t cannibals eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
I like this thread - I haven’t heard many of these in 40 years. And there’s a reason for that. If I told the one about Moby Pickle at work, they’d look at me funny, so I just go with “that’s what she said!” All purpose punchline.
I teach, and I proclaimed my classroom a “NO ‘THAT’SWHATSHESAID’ ZONE”, because it’s just too easy. No mental effort involved.
The students laughed at (and playfully punched) Jake, claiming he’d been annoying them with that line for years. I told Jake he’d get extra credit if he refrained, and he promised.
So of course I kept saying things like “Are you sure? It’s going to be hard…” and later, “You’ll have to last an hour more, Jake… that’s lonnnng.” (Jake is biting his tongue, sliding out of his chair) “Maybe it isn’t hard now, but it will be eventually…”
First joke I remember my dad telling me:
What do you have when you have twenty-five female pigs and twenty-five male deer?
Fifty sows and bucks.
Regards,
Shodan
I heard Emmanuel Lewis was going star on stage in a one man show about the creation of the dictionary. It’ll be called Webster.
It’s a play on words.
Person 1: What’s the difference between an elephant and a cheese sandwich?
Person 2: I don’t know.
Person 1: Well, I’m not sending you to pick up my lunch, then.
I had an instructor in college who was taking roll the first day. It was a small class, and he was just asking for people by first name.
Instructor: Amanda?
Amanda: Here.
Instructor: Is your middle name Lynn?
Amanda: No.
Instructor: Ah. I have Amanda Lynn in another class. She’s kind of high strung. [pause] So I have to pick on her.
Say it out loud… Amanda Lynn… a mandolin
My favorite Dad joke:
Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn’t have the guts.
When I tell my kids about a movie, they invariably ask, “What’s it about?” I invariably reply, “about ninety minutes.” Much eye rolling ensues, yet they keep asking the same question.
When my dad told me about the birds and bees, he said, “Bees got stingers, birds got peckers.”
Kid: I’m thirsty
Dad: I’m Friday, meet me on Saturday and we’ll have a Sunday.
Similarly:
Person 1: What’s the difference between toilet paper and shower curtain?
Person 2: I don’t know.
Person 1: So you’re the one!
Haha! I know I just posted something, but I just got one on my kid. (teenage daughter with a macabre sense of humor like mine)
I just got out of the shower and had gotten some soap in one eye so it’s a bit red. She points it out, “Dad, your eyes are red.” I nod and say, “Yeah, I just finished shaving them.”
Now she needs brain bleach.
Dad: “Have you seen pictures of Stevie Wonder’s mansion?”
Me: “No”
Dad: “Well, neither has he”
Also when I was a kid and would bring new friends over, Dad would say
“Whatsyourname?Whatsyourname?Whatsyourname? I ASKED YOU 3 TIMES ALREADY!!”
Me: “Hey Dad, you still owe me my allowance for last week.”
Dad: “I’d rather owe it to you than cheat you out of it.”
Two muffins were sitting in an oven. The first one says, “Is it getting hot in here?” and the second one says, “Omigod, a talking muffin!”
Two goldfish were sitting in a tank. The first one asks the second one, “How do you drive this thing?”