What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?
An investigator!
Mr. and Mrs. Tater IV informed their daughter that she would not be allowed to marry Walter Cronkite because he is a common tater.
Why don’t buffalo use their cell phones a lot?
Roaming charges!
In hospitals, where do games of hide-and-seek always end up?
I C U!
Ready youseselves for the best joke in the universe :
“So a guy walks into a bar and that’s gotta hurt”.
What, I say what, do you call a fake potato?
–an imitater
I refused to believe my dad was fired from road work for stealing, but when I got home, all the signs were there.
I told my son to stop playing Russian Roulette, but, ya know, it goes in one ear and out the other.
I was fired from the keyboard factory yesterday. I wasn’t putting in enough shifts.
What’s the definition of a will?
–Oh, come now, the answer’s a dead giveaway!
You wouldn’t believe who I bumped into on the way to the optometrist! Everybody.
What do you called the watchmen at the Samsung factory?
–Guardians of the Galaxy
Here are my dad’s two favorite dad jokes:
Q: What’s black and white and red all over?
A: A newspaper (red -> read)
Q: What has four wheels and flies?
A: A garbage truck.
Out in the old west, a mangy cur limps into the saloon. He snarls “I’m a’lookin fer the man who shot my paw!!”
Papa mole and Mama mole are at the entrance to the burrow, blocking it. Papa mole sniffs. “Mmmmm. Maple.”
Mama mole demurs. “It’s honey, dear.”
“No; definitely maple.”
“Ho-o-oney.”
Behind them Baby mole complains, “I only smell molasses!”