I received this bit of spam:
and…
What? I did not click on the links, and I would advise you to do the same. I get the loans, insurance, etc spam all of the time, but this was just bizarre. Any to share?
Dear Beloved,
I am Vivien Grimhelm Wormtongue, The only daughter of late Counsellor
Gríma Wormtongue of the Kingdom of Rohan.
My father was Chief Counsellor [equivalent to Prime Minister] to
late lamented king Théoden of Rohan. In his position my father altogether
legally and correctly acquired significant assets throughout Rohan
in order to protect the Kingdom from enemy forces within and without.
In the course of lamentable events succeeding, my father was illegally
deprived of office and expelled from the Kingdom.
Before this he had with foresight already entirely legally deposited
gold worth US$42,000,000 with one of the Africa leading Banks in
Cote d´ Ivoire of which I will let you know if you identify your
interest .
While in exile in the north he was assaulted and murdered by a band of northern Orcs.
My family was obliged to seek refuge in northern Dunland among some of our sympathisers.
My father left to me all documents necessary the retrievement aforesaid from the Bank.
However, in the current political circumstances my solicitor believes
it unwise for me to attempt to make the trip from Dunland to Cote
d´ ivoire, and has recommended that I seek a trustworthy foreign
business partner into whose account this amount worth of gold could be tranferred into.
This appears to be the best option as we are unable to open an account in Dunland.
Therefore I am seeking your trustworthy assistance and cooperation.
You will provide information about your account that will enable
a deposit to be made in your name.
I will contact the Bank and inform them that the money is to be placed into your account.
Upon completion of the transaction your share of the proceeds will
be 15% net following deduction of all transfer fees, that is US$6,300,000.
If the transaction goes well I will also look forward to maintaining
you as a profitable business partner for future ventures.
Therefore I will need your phone and fax numbers to enable me send
them to the bank immediately as well as the account number of which
this fund will be transfer into.
It goes without saying that I can expect your complete cooperation
in keeping this matter confidential prefatory to completion as I awaits your urgent response.
Best regards,
Miss Vivien Grimhelm Wormtongue
I got a message from “Cecil.”
For one brief, rapturous moment, I thought “the great Master has e-mailed me?”
Then I saw that the subject was about increasing my manhood (a horrifying thing for a non-straight girl to hear).
Damn you spammers, daaaamn you to hell!
This one came a few weeks ago:
Subject: UPS Uniforms
Government Warning regarding purchase of UPS uniforms:
BE ALERT!!!
There has been a huge purchase, $32,000 worth, of United Parcel Service (UPS) uniforms on eBay over the last 30 days. This could represent a serious threat as bogus drivers can drop off anything to anyone with deadly consequences! If you have any questions when a UPS driver appears at your door, they should be able to furnish VALID I.D. Additionally, if someone in a UPS uniform comes to make a drop off or pick up, make absolutely sure they are driving a UPS truck. UPS doesn’t make deliveries or pickups in anything except a company vehicle.
If you have a problem, IMMEDIATELY call your local law enforcement agency right away! TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY! Tell everyone in your office, family, fri! ends, etc. Make people aware so that we can prepare and/or avoid terrorist attacks on our people! Thank you for your time in reviewing this and PLEASE send to EVERYONE on your list, even if they are friend or foe. We should all be aware!
Kimberly Bush-Carr
Management Program Specialist
U.S. Department of Homeland Security
Bureau Customs and Border Protection
Washington, DC 20229
PRIVACY NOTICE: This e-mail message, including any attachments, is for the sole use of the intended recipient(s) and may contain business confidential and privileged information. Any unauthorized review, use, disclosure or distribution is prohibited. If this e-mail was not intended for you, please notify the sender by reply e-mail that you received this in error. Destroy all copies of the original message and attachments.
I got several messages a while back that told me I could “curn like a porn star.” I should have checked it out. I’ve never curned before, let alone like a porn star.
A long time ago, I received some “spam” E-Mail that was related to the chemical industry. (Probably because my website has some chemistry calculators.)
Anyway, my 2 favorites were:
-
Attending a weekend conference in New Orleans discussing the potential of oil exploration, refining, etc in Eastern Europe.
-
A chemical company operating in Turkey lauding the fact that it had the lowest prices for Hydrogen Peroxide (available in convenient industrial size quantities).
Well, at least it was different from the usual Nigerian money scams, porn sites, etc.
Last week, I got spam advertising a “revolutionary new spam filter”!! :dubious:
Ain’t that ironic.
Tripler
My ISP is supposed to be filtering it out for me, but they’re apparently doing a shitty job.
I had the misfortune once of opening an email advertising girls and horses. With a large color picture. And I was only 13 at the time :shudder:
Needless to say, I was intrigued, err, I mean scarred for life.
Yes, that’s it scarred for life 
:eek:
The Straight Dope
Increasing your penis size since 1973
(It’s taking longer than we thought)
My genealogical research has taken me to explore a number of Polish web sites. I now get spam in Polish.
With regard to junk emails containing ‘odd’ words or phrases - like ‘thorny’ or ‘Coca-Cola’ in the OP - it may be an attempt to fool spam filters. Many filters work on complex probability formulas that attempt to categorise emails based on the content. Crudely put, the filter might guess that any email with the word ‘thorny’ in it is unlikely to be spam, especially if there are so few other words. I can block most spam on my Outlook email accounts with keyword rules, but things like that (URL + random phrases) are very hard to filter.
You didn’t say if you believed this to be a valid message, but just to set the record straight, it is a hoax:
http://www.arachnophiliac.com/hoax/UPS_Uniforms.htm
A recent thread on a related topic: Spam stats, A Wonderful Thing
Makes you grow up fast, don’t it?
You don’t have to be Polish to get Polish (or Japanese, or Gibberish) spam. Spam is an equal-opportunity employer!
I one once, it was a porn site, advertising people getting revenge on their Ex-SO’s by being paid to star in a porno, a copy of which was then sent to the Ex.
I mean, let me get this straight… you want to get revenge on someone who screwed you over, so you send them a tape of you doing naked naughty things that they can keep and watch and show to whoever they please?
I just got this today, and I have no idea what it means:
**Free Cable+ TV
drug yourselves febrile bertha bellboy editorial emile bagley adjust brookside lumbermen minestrone groan erich temporary
candy applied neuritis minnie repeat zigzagging eighth aborigine hetman appertain respect bead degas consume bosch ministry perfuse blythe affectionate burroughs antimony spectacle between marjorie worldwide **
There was no link or anything. The “from” line just said “Rodger”. Anybody else get this?
See my post above.
The random words are most likely there to get round probability-based spam filters. The idea is that the number and range of such apparently non-spam words increases the probability that it’s a valid email, and will not be filtered.
I’m guessing this is what Japanese spammers think is enticing?
We get these kind of things every day at work. No clue here either.
Tripler]
I agree that it is incredibly ridiculous receiving spam E-Mail which talks about their solution to spam E-Mail.
In a related category, don’t you hate those pop-ups that say “Aren’t you tired of all the pop-ups you see on the Internet”?
ARRRRGGGGGHHHHHH !!!
My all-time favorite:
I googled the coherent part and discovered that it is a quote from L. Frank Baum’s The Master Key. To this day, I have no idea what this piece of spam was intended to accomplish. Perhaps L. Frank Baum is trying to communicate from beyond the grave, and wishes to tell me about health supplements.
I see the point of bypassing filters, but why would I click some random link? And for the spams, without a link, what is the point?