Today is a two Coke Zero day
Well, it had been a serious post about the Dunblaneanniversary, asking people to observe a two minute silence in memory.
It’s now this 
“It’s Spring Break on Ocean Drive. The cars, the club, the crazy, The Clevelander.”
“A new pope has been chosen! I’m so excited I can’t stand it! Who will it be?? Who?!”
Though this was posted more than an hour ago.
This picture of my friend with the caption, “Wish you were here,” followed by the names of a few other friends that weren’t there.
For once, one of the multiple scores I have for an upcoming gig is actually the right edition.
Shoot. Passed over for pope again.
From Monday night:
I just heard that a friend passed away earlier today. I do not have all the details yet, but I fear it may have been suicide. Please, people, I beg you, if you ever think you are near the end of your rope, get help. The world is better with you than without you. Leaving us before your time hurts us all, and puts a sad tinge on the life you led. Whatever the cause of my friend’s passing, I hope that helping and healing hands visit her family and other friends. My favorite translation of the Mourner’s Kaddish ends with “May the Father of Peace bring peace to all who mourn.” Amen.
Yes, it’s for OpalCat. 
[thread=684883]Thread here[/thread]
Not looking forward to the next 10 years of jokes suggesting that the Pope “lighten up”.
Well, NOW it’s Sampiro’s Argentinian gown entry. But a moment ago it was yesterday’s:
Which is accompanied by this meme.
(For those who don’t care to click, it’s a picture of an outraged young lady at a laptop, with the caption: “Did you know that people who go around correcting others grammar have a disease? It’s Anti-Societal Self Hating Organizational Language Evaluating Syndrome. Known by the acronym, ASSHOLES.”)
Here’s a short video to help those of you up north feel a bit warmer (it’s where we were hanging out this past December). Some friends of mine shot it, and some more friends of mine are in it.
Link
This day went south fast.
“Is it ever going to be warm again?! I’m ready to be outside without shivering!”
Last status I posted was this photo, captioned “I’m a vegetarian so this is what hunting looks like.”
For the record, I didn’t actually shoot the banana, I killed it in the usual way, by grabbing it behind the ears and flinging violently so that its entrails are expelled.
Dear Client:
If you are too stupid/ignorant/old to figure out how to set up your FTP, NO FTP FOR YOU.
From earlier this morning:
Ok, the child was easily 30 feet from the corner when the crossing guard came running into the street, waving her flag at me frantically. I stop, wait for the child to approach the corner, because god forbid the pwecious snowflake have to wait for the cumulitive traffic of my ONE CAR and NO ONE BEHIND ME. Then she crosses the street PARALLEL to my car’s path because OF COURSE SHE DID because that’s where the SCHOOL IS.
Stupid fucking old lady crossing guard so desperate to prove her own worth making me stop and wait for a kid who CLEARLY wasn’t even going to cross my path WHAT THE FUCK.
Dear FB family and friends!!! Garden snakes, contrary to popular belief, can be deadly!!! A woman recently nearly died as a result of coming into contact with a supposedly harmless garden… or garter… snake!!! Here’s what happened:::::
A couple in Sweetwater, Texas, had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a po…s…sible freeze.
It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants. When it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa.
She let out a very loud scream.
The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa.
He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor.
His wife thought he had had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance.
The attendants rushed in, would not listen to his protests, loaded him on the stretcher, and started carrying him out.
About that time, the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That’s when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital.
The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor who volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch… Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief.
But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa.
The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her.
The neighbor’s wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband’s mouth on the woman’s mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches.
The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that the snake had bitten him. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man’s throat.
By now, the police had arrived.
Breathe here…
They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little garden snake!
The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife.
Now, the little snake again crawled out from under the sofa and one of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over, the lamp on it shattered and, as the bulb broke, it started a fire in the drapes.
The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car.
Meanwhile, neighbors saw the burning drapes and called in the fire department. The firemen had started raising the fire ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires, put out the power, and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the house fire out).
Time passed! Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car and all was right with their world.
A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants for the night.
That’s when he shot her!!!
“Jim Parsons is 40 and Ellen Degeneres is 55. My whole life is a lie.”
Great googly moogly. I have to steal Sampiro’s Facebook statuses more often. Already 12 Likes and a Share (although the Share changed “weep” to “cry”…) 
Off topic - When I’m having one of those I hit my local grocery store and grab a 1.5 liter bottle for 99 cents.
“I’m in school, doing nothing in paticular, and doing it very well.”
(sic - I do know how to spell “particular” correctly, but I was typing fast and trying not to get caught on Facebook at school. Also, the status is in reference to a line from a song in Gilbert and Sullivan’s “Iolanthe.”)