O.K., here’s mine:
My boss has issues. He appears to have an infantile emotional attachment to inanimate objects around the office. When these objects need to be updated, he experiences acute seperation anxiety. I’m not kidding - he really does. I do my work on a PC with a Pentium 1 processor running Windows 95, and a 33.6K internet connection. We never would have gotten that had it not been for the fact that it became literally impossible to continue running DOS on a 486 machine. When I made him get the new computer, he wanted to know if it was possible to still run the programs in DOS.
In addition to needing a new computer, I need a new printer as well. The manual feeder just doesn’t work right anymore. Sometimes I have to print a stack of 100 envelopes, and they will jam in the feeder approximately every other time. But he’s the kind of guy who would pay someone $200 to repair a printer that’s out of date rather than spend $300 for a brand-new printer.
The office copier was a dinosaur that he nursed along for 12 years. It would break down about once a week, and he sunk thousands of dollars into repairing that copier, which was never going to work well because it was simply too old.
One day in December, I came to work, and he told me he had received a large payment from a client, which he had to spend before the end of the year for tax purposes. I thought, “Ahh, finally we can get some of the stuff I’ve been bugging him about for all these years.” Well, apparently he had already spent the money. What did he get? A laptop computer for his wife, a new printer for his personal use, two completely unneeded battery backup systems, an air purifier, a paper shredder, and an electric stapler. Meanwhile, I am still hand-feeding 100s of envelopes individually in order to print them.
We finally got a new copier this week, but only because the old one gave up the ghost, and was literally impossible to repair any more.
He frequently does stuff like this: He did some web research, printed out pages and pages and pages of material, handed it to me, and asked me to type the material into an index. When I asked him why he couldn’t have saved the material to a floppy disk rather than printing it, thus saving me all that typing, he said, “I didn’t think of that.”
I could go on, but I think you get the idea…