Share your strangers-talking-in-a-theater-during-the-movie stories

Cafe Society
101

Not talking per se but this happened this past weekend:

Took my 4 year-old son to see Megamind. Walk into an almost empty theatre with an adult and a kid a few rows from the front and an adult and a kid a few rows from the back. We take our seats in the middle somewhere. With the seats being so tall nowdays my son can just see over the seat in front of him to get a full view of the screen.
Last to enter the theatre is blonde bimbo and her tyke. She scans the almost empty theatre then starts up the steps, and starts down the aisle directly in front of us.
WTF? Why do people always do this to me? I could be the only person there and they’ll always go exactly one row in front of me.
Okay, fine, whatever. But then she proceeds to take the two seats directly in front of ours. And does she seat her tyke in front of my tyke? No, she sits her bad dye job down right in front of my son. He she sat in stunned silence and turned his head and looked up at me and gave me a WTF 4 year-old look.
I wanted to make a scene but since I was accompanying a minor I just stood up and said “C’mon let’s move” and went up a couple rows. Miss airhead didn’t even notice.

102

In Sweden films are generally subtitled instead of dubbed, except for stuff that is marketed towards kids. Then there will often be a dubbed version and a subtitled, so you choose which to go to depending on the reading skills of he party. The first few Harry Potter films were rated 7, so there were both versions,

Eventually the series gets more adult in tone and the films get rated 11. That means kids can still get in, but there is no dubbed version geared towards kids. I went to one of those and directly behind me was a mother that read ever single subtitle to her child. Every. Single. One.

What are you supposed to do? It is the parent’s fault, but if you kick up a stink the child is going to get really upset.

103

After the trailers and credits, it’s quiet time. I may or may not own an electronic device that ensures a cellphone free radius. If you speak, I have a blindingly bright flashlight that will take your vision for a good 10 minutes, accompanied by my outside voice reminding you that talking time is over for a while.

There are occasional grumbles or threats, but I let the manager take care of those.
I did have one beligerent soul tell me to fuck off and threw a drink at me.
I arrested him.:smiley:

104

I remember being a theater to see the original Fantasia. You know the part with the fawns and angels and the topless centaurs? There was a little boy right behind me. The first time a centaur came on screen, he went “NO!”, in total disbelief.

Pretty cute.

105

I personally get my feathers ruffled if people talk over the credits. And to be honest, I get a little ruffly if people talk (loudly) over the trailers - seeing previews is one of my favorite parts of going to see a movie in the theater!

106

Many’s the time I’ve turned to someone and in my best bouncer voice (I did it as a side job for 10 years.) said, “You either need to shut (the fuck) up or get (the fuck) out.”

Language gets edited when I’m talking to parents with little kids.

I had one mom get pissy at a movie once and give me the, “How DARE you tell my child to be quiet.”

I said, “I DARE because a) You obviously aren’t up to the job of parenting her yourself and b) Your little snowflake is NOT so precious that she gets to disrupt the movie for everyone else.”

She spent the next couple minutes packing up her stripper bag full of stuff, which totally ruined her attempt to storm out in a huff.

107

Agreed. Acceptable conversation during the trailers is limited to a very quiet “Yes” or “No” to your movie going companion. Occasionally this can be expanded to a “Hell yes” or “Over my dead body” if required.

108

I get on edge if people talk over the trailers, but only because it makes me wonder if they will stop when the movie starts. It usually isn’t mega-bad, but often the super-chatty types will talk over the opening scene without noticing the actual movie has started.

109

• I went to see Don Giovanni once (a Mozart opera – live performance) at the local university here. I love me some opera, but so rarely get a chance to go, let alone see one of my favorites… I was just stoked to be there, all decked out in my best opera finery. Imagine my horror when I sit down and the woman sitting next to me is chomping loudly on her gum, cracking and smacking it absentmindedly. Even under the most casual of circumstances, I cannot stand to hear someone chew gum; almost nobody chews gum with their goddamned mouth closed. It’s always this slobbery, juicy, gaping open mouth working a cud look. :: shudder :: Did I mention that I really hate gum?

The lights dim and I realize that this dipshit is about to smack and crack and pop her gum through the entire fucking opera, which lasts about 4 hours. Panicked, I run through about ten really rude ideas in my head about how to handle it and decide to take the Stern Teacher approach. (IANA Teacher, but I’ve seen them do this and it works for them.) I cup my hand in front of her face, just under her chin and whisper very gently, “Can I take your gum for you?”

She looked at me in wide-eyed horror and dove for her purse where she dug out a piece of paper, spit her gum out and was as quiet as a good little church mouse for the duration of the opera.

• More recently, I went to a movie (that I can’t remember which one it was) where the theater was mostly empty. One guy wandered in about ten minutes into the movie and chose to sit, of course, in the row directly in front of us. I wonder about that too. You have your pick of damn near any seat in the house and you have to pick the one right next to me? Why? Anyway, about ten minutes after dude sits down, his phone rings and he answers, starts chatting. In a normal day voice. I give my friends the OMG Are You Kidding Me? look, lean forward, tap the guy on his shoulder (I am a 5’2" 100lb female) and say loudly, “Hey asshole! HANG UP THE PHONE!”

He looked up at me over his shoulder and waved me off. Just about the time I was about to get up and go fetch the manager to throw his ass out, he hung up and shut up and stayed that way. And glared at me on our way out of the movie because I’d been rude. Right.

110

Haven’t had too many bad (or even annoying) experiences in moviegoing until last summer when I went to see Iron Man 2. An older couple sat behind me with what I assumed was their grandson, ~6-8 y/o, sitting directly behind me.

And he would.Not.STOP! Kicking the back of my seat. I have heard of this phenomena, but have never experienced repeated kicking-of-seat.

First time, I ignored it as random/accident.

Second time, I noted it for future action if necessary.

Third time (in as many minutes), I turned around and gave him and his grandparents the stinkeye. They’re oblivious.

Fourth time, I turn around and ask, nicely, “Will you please stop kicking my seat?” Startlement, and vague murmuring from grandparents.,

Fifth time, I turn around and say, not-so-nicely, “Stop kicking my seat.” No response, wide-eyes and slack jaws.

Sixth time, I stand up, turn around, lean over the seat and say, for the entire theater to hear, “Stop kicking my goddamned seat!” Indignation from grandparents (“Such language!”), but the kid looked like he shit a fucking brick.

We’re not even through previews.

The kicks subsided to about every 2-3 minutes or so, and I turned around once more and gave grandpa (these are late 40s/early 50’s grandparents, not little old snow-haired senior citizens) the “Motherfucker, we’re gonna throw down if this shit ain’t rectified” stinkeye, and he finally grabs the little shit by the arm to get his attention and tells him, “If you don’t stop, I’m putting you in time out.”

Welllllll. Threaten him with a “time out.” Huh. Bet that’ll show the little fucker.

I didn’t think much of it at the moment, but a lady sitting in the row behind the demon-child and his [del]grandparents[/del] obedient slaves got up and walked out, and apparently told the theater manager what was going on; he came in and asked the grandparents and their brat to leave.

Grandpa protests that the boy isn’t bothering anyone (!), but Grandma is ready to go already (“Such language!”), so they storm out in a huff.

The lady that ratted them out caught me in the lobby and told me the kid was throwing his popcorn over his head towards the back of the theater.

I had to rent Iron Man 2 just to see what happened in the first 5-10 minutes. I had only the vaguest idea of who Mickey Rourke’s character was, and where/how he got his suit.

111

Some long time ago, a customer lit up a cig during a movie. I went out to talk to the MGR, and he said “There’s nothong we can do”. I then showed him my ID, and then suddenly he discovered there was something he could do. :smiley:

112

This just happened to me over the weekend when I went to see the new Broadway musical **Elf **(based on the Will Ferrell movie.) Now yes, I understand it’s a show that is geared towards families & kids, however that doesn’t mean the audience *pays *any less to be there. Tickets are still $70-137 each. So you can imagine how pissed off I became at the clueless trashy family behind me who brought an entire passel of little boys, who proceeded to yell “Daddy! Daddy look! Daddy! Daddy daddy!!” throughout the show, who literally climbed down over the row of seats to run around in the empty end of the row I was seated in. The kid directly behind me kept kicking my seat, each time I would turn around and glare at them with increasing anger until finally the mom took the kid out.

They dashed out of the house before the curtain had even come down for intermission, so I was not able to speak my mind to them. As they had not yet returned by the time the entr’acte had started, I hoped they had left, but no. As soon as the lights went down, in they all tramped. Again the kids yell for their parents, kick my seat, and at one point the kid actually begins playing on a cell phone or game console. I could hear the beeping noises as he pressed they keys. This was too much, and I turned around and sternly said “Turn that off. Now.” This time the father took the kid out. Again I was going to really go into them when the show was over, but they all ran out of there during the finale, they obviously knew that they had been acting inappropriately and knew to leave before the show had completely ended so that no one would be able to speak to them.

Why would you pay between $400-800 and then behave like that?

113

This is all kinds of awesome.

Clearly I haven’t been paying enough attention. What kind of ID?

114

I have self-described myself here as a Bureaucrat-with-a-badge. I enforce Civil codes, etc.

115

I was just reminded of another incident, prompted by a few posts above.

Mrs. Mustard and I arrive early, typically, whether it’s going to be crowded or not. We chose our seats, center, a bit toward the front. Only a few other couples wander in as showtime approaches.

Now, the trailers are starting and there are all of 8 or 9 people in the theater. A pair of older women make their way in, enter my row, and one of them points to the seat right fucking beside me and says, (and I still can’t believe this even as I type it now) “is anyone sitting there?”

She wanted to sit right next to me.

“Yes”, I said. So she sat two seats away from me.

Ruined the entire movie for me.
mmm

116

I would have assumed that every one of these noisy idiots (or those with undisciplined children) knew perfectly well they were being disruptive and they Just Didn’t Care. Now from some of these posts it sounds like at least some of these folks were truly clueless that they were having an impact on anyone around them, because they promptly shut up when challenged (in other words, they knew enough to be ashamed of themselves). I would include the mom with the “stripper bag full of stuff” (love it!), because she was embarrassed enough to noisily complain as she was leaving. If she really didn’t care, she’d’ve said “WhatEVAR” and just left.

So it sounds like the real problem is that these folks just don’t know that PEOPLE CAN HEAR YOU.

117

Slight hijack, but…can you name a Bo Derek film in which she didn’t show her tits?

118

Okay, I have my cinema story, and thankfully I can say it’s pretty rare for anything like this to happen (in the UK people are pretty good at being quiet during films, and we certainly don’t have the African American full-on dialogue with the screen phenomenon, which I have only heard about but never witnessed myself).

A friend and I were watching a mediocre movie (He’s really not that in to you) and two teenage girls sitting several rows behind and to the side of us started to annoy me. They came in late and one of them had her phone out continuously. I could feel my blood pressure rising and by the time she had made her third call just to gossip shit with people I snapped. I marched up to her seat (the cinema was about 2/3rds empty) and yelled in her face “Get OFF your FUCKING PHONE!!!” - naturally the whole cinema turned to look.

She looked shocked (and highly embarrassed) and responded indignantly “get out of my face!” so I set my face to ‘psycho’ and just kept growling at her “get off your fucking phone”; each time she responded with “get out of my face” but this was a battle of wills she wasn’t going to win, and eventually she said “okay I’ve turned my phone off, get out of my face!”. I stalked back to my seat and my friend (who was a tad shaken) muttered “fucking hell Illuminatiprimus…”. A couple of minutes later the girls got up and walked out of the cinema and I got to enjoy the end of the film in peace. My friend and I left early so she could go to the toilet and I was sitting outside as people filed out of the screen and pretty much all of them were recounting the event and saying how great it was, of course not realising that it was me who had done it.

It later transpired that I was in the run up to a manic episode when this happened, and one’s behaviour becomes much more aggressive when that happens, so it’s unlikely I’d ever react like that again now that I’m on my meds. Still, pretty much everyone I’ve told that story to wants to high five me. :smiley:

119

I told this before but it was for cheering at the end of movies, however it has an encounter with loudmouths:

When I watched Robocop (1987) some hecklers thought it was funny to laugh and yell (Yeah! Shoot him!) during the scene when officer Murphy gets his limbs shot out. The movie then turns the empathy and gruesome levels to 1000 when it showed what happens after the “fun” part.

They take Murphy to the ER and the (surprisingly more brutal) blow by blow efforts to save his life [del]strangled the throats[/del] quieted the hecklers for the rest of the movie, an amazing feat IMHO.

Thanks to that virtual bitch slap to the loudmouths I liked that move more than I should had.

120

Somewhere here I read about in some Italian or Spanish cinema there were some super macho dudes whistling and calling out at every appearance of the hot babe who was the protagnist’s love interest.

The movie was The Crying Game.

According to the poster telling the story, after the film’s big “reveal,” those macho dudes in the audience were very quiet for the rest of the movie.