Briefly, I’ve been in a relationship for 10 years and although we still get along OK we have separate bedrooms and are more like housemates than a couple. She thinks we should go our separate ways but I don’t relish the thought of living alone and wonder if it would be possible to share the house but have our own lives. Anyone have any experience of such an arrangement or just thoughts on the subject?
For the record we’re both in our fifties, both self employed and financially OK
Hope I’ve posted this in the right place but if not could one of the mods move it.
How would she react to walking in and seeing you making out with some chick on the couch? Or vice versa? If it won’t end in drama then stay as roommates.
Wow, quick responses, thank you.
A couple of answers - who owns the house? It’s a bit weird but we rent the house we live in but own an apartment which we rent out. The current tenant is moving out in October so I could just move in there and pay her half rent.
As to sharing with someone else, I found that was OK when I was younger but would be much more difficult I think at my age.
With regard to dating, right now neither of us are looking for another relationship so in the short term is would not be an issue. Longer term could be a problem but anyone we are likely to meet in our age group would probably have their own place.
It will end in drama. If she wants to go, why the hell are you stopping her anyway? Because you are too afraid to live alone? I’m sorry, you’ll have to deal with it.
I based my answer on the fact that you said in your OP that she wants you both to go your own ways. That indicates to me that she doesn’t want to continue living with you, do you see that differently?
I’m still living with my ex husband. We eat together and will watch TV “together” in the evenings (as such, I’m on my laptop at my computer desk, he’s on the couch and we’re watching the same television), but we don’t go out of our way to do things together. We have our own hobbies and social circles, and if I’m staying out I let him know as a matter of courtesy (e.g. “I’m not coming home tonight/I’ll be late tonight so you’ll have to get your own dinner”), but I don’t check in with him all the time, or tell him where I’m going or who I’m going with.
It works for us for several reasons:
One is that our breakup wasn’t acrimonious at all, and we’re still quite good friends.
Two, we have a four bedroom house. He has the master bedroom and the second bedroom, which we turned into a computer room when we moved in. I live in the third bedroom and the fourth bedroom is my storage room/where my rats are kept. So we’ve both got plenty of our “own” space, where the other doesn’t get all up in our bidness.
Three, both of our names are on the mortgage, neither of us has the money to move out or buy the other out and if we tried to force a sale, we’d come off about twenty or thirty grand worse off - and personally I don’t need that much more debt on top of what I’ve already got, as well as having to pay rent and so on.
But the important factor is that we’re both comfortable at this point in time, and neither of us has the desire or the means to leave and rent somewhere else, and we are both okay with that.
In your situation I agree with sandra - your ex has expressed that she feels it would be better to go your separate ways. That sounds like SHE isn’t happy staying there. So no, it’s probably not going to work for you guys, because if you talk her into staying you’ll probably find she’ll just get more and more resentful of you and it will end in tears.
Thanks for the considered replies. I guess I knew the answer to my problem but was hoping there might be a workable alternative. We’ve just had a long chat about it and it looks like I’ll be moving into the apartment as soon as our tenant vacates.
I’m not happy about it but as some of you have pointed out, if she wants to break up then persuading her to stay in the house together is likely to be a recipe for disaster.
I’ll try and make my next thread a bit more interesting and a bit less whiny!
codgerone, methinks this will end badly. It almost always does. The time you’ll spend getting to that bad ending could be put to better use. You can still be friends in separate houses.
