Grow a big, bushy pair of sideboards instead. Far cooler.
How will people know that they’re talking to the mirror-universe, evil Hypno-Toad if I don’t wear a goatee?
Yes, yes, and somebody told Joan Rivers that too, but she said it couldn’t be helped, it was a nasty side effect of too many face lifts…
I think my husband looks sexy with a goatee too. He’s had it for the majority of our relationship so it would be weird to see him without it. Og forbid he shave it and look younger than me! No, no. He must keep it.
I have to say I agree with the OP 100%. There are several things wrong with the goatee. First of, it’s so 1993. It’s up there withe Mullet in my book. Second, on fat guys it emphasizes your cheeks’ roundness and makes you look way jowlier than you would without it. They’re not bad on a thin guys with bony faces, but a goatee on a guy with a rounder face is just wrong. Third, and most important, they make your mouth look like a vagina.
Is that why I always get along well with lesbians?
I’m not crazy about goatees, but this thought has never occurred to me. And now I won’t be able to think of anything else whenever I see one.
Thanks for the image!
Yeah, but a talking vagina that can blow bubbles.
The effect is more pronounced if the goatee-wearer in question happens to have a second pair of lips protruding slightly from the outer pair.
Speak for yourself. I prefer goatees over both beards and clean-shaven. And I grew up in the 70s, when no one had them.
My sweetie had to shave his goatee off for his current job, and while he is still cute, I miss his goatee.
And I will point out that in addition to rjk, Chef Troy, Why A Duck, and Jack Batty are all dead sexy goatee wearers.
Actually, I think this guy -> 
<- needs a goatee. 
I think a goatee(well, I think we’re really talking about vandykes here)can only improve a man’s looks, and I’ve never been one to fall for fads. Seriously, that it *can * counterbalance facial flaws is just an added bonus. No matter how handsome you are to begin with, some interesting facial hair only makes you look better. This does not include mutton chops or ZZ Top style growth, however.
Hee. When a friend’s SO shaved his hiding-my-chins goatee down to a soul-patch, she told him that it looked like what a Brazilian wax looks like. Only, for his face.
So, that went, too.
I think a goatee looks good on most men. I couldn’t tell you why, it just does.
Heh … I was just wondering what kind of fucked-up vaginas lissener’s been looking at. 
I’ve actually been wearing a Van Dyke for quite a few years, and recently switched to a goatee.
Because … the twenty-something guys I work with wear goatees. So far, it doesn’t seem to have made me look younger or hipper, though. As InvisibleWombat said, when it’s gray (or partially gray, in my case) it doesn’t make you look younger.
When you shave your head like I do (head-shaving is the post-baby-boomer version of the combover, you know) you have to have some facial hair.
The OP should clarify whether he’s actually talking about goatees (whiskers on the chin only) or Van Dykes (a goatee attached to a moustache).
Besides, the goatee is like an extra pair of fingers (or at least tactile stimulators) for a certain other area when I’m…well…
Also, I’d have to turn in my Bear Card if I shaved it off. And look like a glandular 12-year-old.
An American GI asked a Filipino prostitute, “Is it true that Asian women have horizontal pussies?” and the prostitute replied, “Why? Are you a harmonica player?”
Right. I tried shaving my sideburns off once last winter, and got asked by someone coming through my checkout line what grade I was in. I was like, “I’m a junior. In college. bitch.”
As a pick-up line, this one rates about a 2.3/
I’m assuming you left that last symbol in there to imply “divided by [number of your choice].” Make mine 312. 