:applause: Very well said.
It sounds to me like he wants the relationship (or at least the appearance of it) but not the work associated with it. She probably does want to try and save it, but if he won’t play then there’s no point in having a game. A divorce sounds almost inevitable.
The more I think about it the more this sounds appropriate, and if that’s the case it’s even more reason to get away from him–to avoid him wrecking havoc on his kids with these mind-games.
OK, so we’ve got
And
Gosh, if only we can find the common thread connecting these two seemingly unrelated situations! :dubious:
As others have remarked, he’s an ass. He wants to have his cake and fuck around on it, too.
Moreover, I don’t care what the circumstances are: Her weight is her business. You don’t go around making value judgements about your wife or your relationship based upon her weight, and if anyone does, they’re an asshole, especially if one of the reasons she’s up a few sizes is because she had a couple of his kids.
And one more thing. I’m not the brightest bulb hanging in the chandelier, but I do know this, guys: If you live to be a thousand, never, but never ever in your life make a negative comment about a woman’s weight to her face. Ever. I don’t care if she’s your wife, your sister, your mother, or your worst enemy holding a gun to your head. Her weight is off limits, now and forever, and if you’re married to a woman who’s gained weight, just suck it right the fuck up and keep your disrespectful trap shut about it. You. Do. Not. Comment. On. It. Just don’t do it.
If there’s any truth to karma and Buddhism, Mr. Uptight Stiff-Upper-Foreskin had earned himself one lifetime in hell being bitch-slapped naked by Ricki Lake in front of millions of cheering viewers and his wife while she’s fucking the hot divorce attorney.
If that was the implied “deal” then I suppose the arrangement wouldn’t be valid any longer. But if that’s all their marriage is based on, they really don’t have much of a marriage to begin with. And if she IS a “trophy wife,” it’s a really bad deal for her from the outset because he’ll eventually toss her away anyway–you can’t stay young and beautiful forever no matter how much money you have.
She is seeing a therapist, and is grappling with loving the man and having born his children and yet putting up with his tsunami sized crap. My wife is there for her and is certainly a close friend. I’ve even told her in private that I understand she loves him but she need to really evaluate how she is being treated and do what is best for her and the children. The kids are at an age where they know something is wrong, but they can’t articulate how it is hurting them on the inside because they proably have no idea it is really affecting them. It’s sad to watch and something that if you can believe it has brought my wife and I even closer to one another, we watch the horror with what they are going through and we know that we do not ever want to bring that upon either of us, and [For better or Worse] is taken as gospel around here…We’ve seen each other through thick and thin and come out clean on the other side.
They are the same age, and the woman he had an affair with was only a few years younger…
Why?
I would say that if he’d said “She caused me to cheat”, the statement would be valid but irrelevant. She set up a situation that caused him to want to cheat. He did it. There really isn’t much more to it than that. He’s a dick, yes, but it’s like walking around naked in front of a serial rapist…you’re just not supposed to put yourself in that situation.
On a side note, I hate it when people say “He had no right to cheat” as if being in a relationship somehow forfeits your right to fuck whoever you want. There’s a difference between saying “If you cheat, you suffer consequences” and “You can’t cheat”. I reserve the right to hurt the feelings of whoever I want at any time and they have the right to make me suffer for it.
If my husband was unhappy with some part of my appearance, I’d want to know about it. There are good ways to talk about such things with a spouse.
Now, If he told me about it in front of other people, I’d likely kill him and feed him to pigs. If he told me about it in front of other people and then told us all that I’d made him cheat because of that, I’d feed him to pigs, alive.* :mad:
*Of course I’m kidding. I’d never kill him, and the pigs really don’t care. 
No. However, I’d allow “you have refused me sex for over a year now” (not here, but I have seen it) to be somewhat legit.
No. Not unless she or he turns into a complete pig, and likely not even then. 30# is not even close. I mean gaining 100# is getting into “pig” territory.
Life is too short to spend it with someone who makes you miserable.
Because we don’t want to be fed to pigs.
Presumably with trophy wives, they end up taking half your shit in the divorce (or inhereting it if you die). We aren’t talking about caring people looking for their soulmate here. We are talking about spoiled, superficial people looking to get something out of a deal they enter into. I know plenty of people like this. Often they are nice and charming enough people. They might even care about other people. But the difference is they look at marriage the same way you or I might look at selecting a job. How much will it pay and can I tolerate my coworker? They are in love with the lifestyle, not the person.
And if that is the type of marriage you enter into, you have to expect that he will cheat on your ass as soon as you aren’t the perfect little thing he married.
Bullshit.
Seconded.
Not much I can add, Phlosphr, except I have great amounts of pity for the wife in the OP… and the husband, too, I suppose, if he really views marriage with such little depth.
A few years ago I was on some medically necessary medication that caused me to gain 60 lbs… and my husband didn’t even notice because he was too busy helping me get back on my feet. I’m pretty sure I was a miserable bitch, too, for a while there. His support was unwavering, unfaltering, and unflinching.
I can’t fathom a relationship like the one in the OP. I advise you print out this thread, give it to the Mrs., and maybe she’ll get a clue that there is so much more to marriage than the sham she’s got.
These people sound kind of shallow (at least the guy, not enough info on the wife) so I’m going to have to go with msmith’s line of reasoning. Don’t sign up to be a trophy wife to a type A investment banking type asshole unless you want to keep up with the bleached blonde look and juicy couture clad hot bod. That said, the ass will probably cheat on you, anyway, so enjoy the ride while you’re on it and get a good pre-nup.
However, I think it’s a bad idea to completely give up keeping one’s self up after marriage. And it’s not even about trying to hold on to your spouse-I just think that on average, it’s a matter of one’s own health and pride and emotional well-being. Personally speaking, unless I fall within a certain weight range I feel like shit and probably wouldn’t even be in the mood to have sex or anything else.
You guys keep bringing up the trophy wife thing, but I’m not sure it’s relevant. From what we know from the OP, they’re about the same age, she had a career until they had kids, she’s been involved in an active home life that’s been centered around the family and productivity in the community, and she’s trying to make the marriage work rather than running off with half of his assets. It doesn’t sound to me like this is a trophy wife situation, unless someone automatically gets branded with that label because is staying home with the kids.
It seems a little bit unfair to say “Don’t sign up to be a trophy wife to a type A investment banking type asshole unless you want to keep up with the bleached blonde look and juicy couture clad hot bod,” when it really doesn’t look like that’s what she signed up for.
My vote: He’s being an asshole. If the relationship isn’t working, end it; don’t keep up the pretense of monogamy so you can have someone raise your kids for you but you can still sleep with whomever you want.
I agree, IF she is a trophy wife - and signed on to that role, than her role is to keep up her looks, be pleasant, ignore his indiscretions, and spend the money he makes - while creating her own pension fund of jewelry and collections she can sell off after the inevitable replacement for a younger model. But I don’t get the feeling that was the role she understood she was signing up for - and even if it was, she does have the right to change her mind (he can divorce her if he doesn’t like it).
This is precisely why my wife and I signed a prenuptial agreement clearly stipulating that I will keep my penis out of other women as long as she refrains from becoming a fat bitch. Line 47a.
Agreed, maybe the OP can clarify. Also, if he didn’t want her body to change at all, they should have adopted. As for her being a bitch- I’d like to hear some examples. Because not helping with the kids and cheating on one’s spouse sounds pretty fucking bitchy.
This is not a trophy wife scenerio. Is she beautiful? Yes, very much so but that doesn’t make her a trophy wife. Does she like to live in a big house and have two vacation homes, a custom mini, nice clothes etc…etc… of course, but she is a sweet woman - by anyone’s standards. Not a gold digger at all, in fact they had very little when they started and he made it big in his industry and was promoted lightning fast. Nouveau riche is how I’d describe them 5 years ago, now they are used to the wealth and are just plain wealthy.
Is it a European or Brittish thing to treat women like shit? Or more specifically, treat AMERICAN women like shit?