When I was a kid and dreaming of the great things in my life that would make me well known and respected, never once in my cloud watching fantasies did I think that I would be giving a testimonial for a baby bottle company. ( Hey, that’s a good opener for my mundane biography.)
Anyways, here it is:
http://www.handi-craft.com/stories.html
I’m on the bottom. (shaddup, you pervs.)
I could have spotted your testimonial simply by comparing writing styles. Congrats!
Now, are you sure it was the BOTTLE that made the difference, or the fact that you’d switched to Doctor Morpheus’ Sleepytime Baby Formula (NOW with Extra Opium Drops!)?
Well, to drive up thread count and because I’d rather waste time here than do anything else, I’ll type out the email I wrote the lady who asked for my permission to put my testimonial on the web page. I have to say for myself, it’s pretty frickin’ funny.
"Dear Ms. Robinson,
You have my permission to use my name on your websight, heck, graffiti it on the bathroom walls if brings you joy! ( Lord knows it has never brought me any luck written there ;0 ) I’ve been singing the praises about your product to anyone who will listen. I think I’ve annoyed everyone in my circle of friends. I should just get a big laser and carve y testimonial into the moon saying, " If you had bought the Dr. Brown’s Baby Bottle, you wouldn’t be up at 1am, 210am, 320am, 437am, 512am with your little bundle of GAS." Heh. It’s a good thing I never win those HUGE Lotto Jackpots. Being poor keeps me humble and the moon intact.
To have a product put on the THINGS JOAN ENDORSES list is truly an honor indeed. So far, after 33 years of buying stuff, there are only three products that I will put my seal of approval on. ( Forget Good Housekeeping’s Seal of Approval, I’m pickier, it’s MY money and I have to spend it well.)
Birkenstock Footwear. Give me five minutes and I will sell you a pair. And you will thank me. Really.
Dr. Brown’s Baby Bottles. ( You know the goods on this.)
Utterly sMOOth Lotion. (www.utterlysmooth.com) Lotion originally for cows delicate teats ( great word, teats) and is excellent hand creme. It makes my nails stronger too. About $1.99 a tube. Your price for teat creme may vary depending on how far you live from a cow. - you can buy it at any big named store, just check out the websight. You know you secretly want to anyways.)
Yes, I know, enough of this silliness. I figured you are sitting at your desk on a Monday morning, waiting for the java to kick in and wishing for something exciting to happen in your life this week. This email is it. Hate to put a cork in your party horn of frivolity you are having there in your cubicle, but THIS is the highlight of hte next forty hours of work.
It’s all down hill from here.
Happy Monday!
Sincerely,"
Opium…nah…Jagermeister.
So, I guess I know what Shirley will be getting for my baby shower. 
BTW, your kid has already slept through the night? I hate you. Mine will be five next month and still wakes up at least 2 nights a week (night terrors).
Um, congratulations, I guess…
I figured out that if I rocked him enough, he’d doze right off. Found a nice size one just outside the backdoor.
I can just feel the love, Tater. (It’s a sad day when the only way I can get my revenge on the world is not by being a tall, thin bikini model, but by having a child sleep through the night.)
FTR, my son only started sleeping through the night at around the arrival of his little sister. He gave me a break while I was up two -5 times a night with El Gasso Bambina. Now that she sleeps through the night ( most of the time), he crawls out of bed, stands in front of the bathroom door shouting “PEE PEE!” at the top of his voice. Potty training, I’m beginning to think, is for the parents, he is, afterall, too short to whiz by himself in the toilet.
It’s all a plot against me, of this I am certain.
What cute babies!
Well, enough about them. Relax and have a brewski.
(If we put beer in your babybottle, would we burp less too, do you spose?)
First Eve, now Shirley: WOW! We’re in the presence of greatness…
I’ve always said Shirl was “nipple-riffic!”
Chiefy, I’m just tit-ilating.
Shirl: oh yes you’re definitely one of the breast er best posters around.