McDonald’s was getting close to that for me with their “I’m lovin’ it!” bullshit. There was one where this young woman was talking about how their salads reflected her “individuality” that made me want to put a brick through the TV.
The Discovery Channel runs some real buggers for their programs, though. A couple months back there was one advertising all their danger/survival shows with this horrible pop rock playing in the background. The chick singing it sounded so horribly nasal, and they played this commercial all the damned time.
They still have this other one running for Shalom in the Home (TLC? HGTV? I dunno) with some horrible Jazz/swing-style thing playing describing what the show is about. It makes me want to eat glass.
And and all jewelry commercials. Every one sounds the same: “Ohhh… <insert dumb name> went to <insert crappy jewelry place name> and got me <some high priced piece of shit>.” And I hear them all the time, on the radio on the way to work and on the TV.
“Omigod, he went to <crappy jewelry place>?”
“All by himself?”
“He must really love you to go to <crappy jewelry place>.”
“Yeah, the bad part is <one of us almost fucked up the giving of the item by trying to be too goddamned cutesy>.”
“But it worked out, and you got your <piece of shit jewelry> from <crappy jewelry place>.”
That reminds moe of another one. A jewelry store’s radio commercials around here that have “customer testimonials” about how they’re so happy because they got “unique” jewelry by not going to a chain, instead going to this more expensive because it needs to buy in smaller quantity store. “I love my ring from <whatever the hell this crappy store is>. I didn’t want to hear ‘that ring is great. My sister/friend/mother/prostitute/nun has that exact ring.’ I want to know that MY RING IS THE ONLY ONE IN EXISTENCE BECAUSE IT IS UNIQUE AND SPECIAL JUST LIKE MY LOVE WHICH IS LIKE NOBODY ELSE’S EVER, NUH UH, NO WAY!”
I’ve seen unique. 95% of unique is damned ugly because you stupid shit care more about being different than choosing a ring that has been proven to look good by a couple hundred years of jewelry-making expertise.
I complained about the commercial with the bratty kids who wouldn’t even make an effort to see the treehouse their father took 4 weekends to build in another thread - just had to mention it again.
I hate the yogurt commercial when the woman uses her spoon full of yogurt to emphasize every word she speaks and keeps holding it upside down over the guy she’s speaking to. So annoying.
The jewelry commercial where the evil witch asks where all the other womens’ husbands bought their jewelry and drops the gift her husband gave her in his drink because he bought her gift at a different store.
I’ll probably come back to this thread since there are others I hate.
Jarred’s. I hate that one the most, out of all the jewelry store ads.
“My husband loves me more than your husband loves you because he dropped a small fortune on this shiny bauble!”
I also hate an ad that show a kid making a huge mess, and Mom just smiles knowingly, because she uses Cleaning Product and knows she can get it clean.
There was one for something - I can’t remember what - and it showed a kid in an all-white living room jumping up and down on a bottle of chocolate syrup, squirting it all over the place. My kid would have been cleaning it himself.
Any commercial with dumb husbands, stupid boyfriends, or any other form of man-bashing. There’s too many to count now.
“Extreme” voiceovers: not so much yelling and screaming, but that straight-shooting slacker “dude” but not-quite-stoner-or-surfer inflection that is cropping up in an increasing number of commercials. Revol Wireless is the first one that comes to mind.
Every time I see that smiling Dr. Whatshisfuckingname telling me that I can find true love I just want to put my fist through the screen at very high velocity. Unfortunately, doing so would just leave me minus one TV, and with the next TV I get I’d still see that moronic jackass pitching his crappy-ass dating service. Having been spurned by failed relationships one time too many, I find any and all dating service advertising to be highly irritating.
Spoiled for choice over here!
Any infomercial type thing–those studios need to be carpet-bombed.
Any and all toilet paper commercials–cutesy cartoon bears etc. Bring back Mr Whipple for the love of Christ! He at least would have some retro appeal. Being dead would just add to the interest. (although I don’t mind the tp ad with the angel guys–it’s stupid humor, but it beats squiky sentiment).
Car ads–I never want to see that bit of California coastline/AZ desert again. Take it on location boys–show us Seattle or Montana or Muncie IN.
Tampon ads. “Feminine hygiene products” ads.
Any ad that shows a mom manic with happiness that she gets to clean/cook/care for kids/pets/adult kids aka husbands.
Oh, I could go on and on…the less I watch TV, the more irritating the ads become. Sick of the Bacardi ones on Comedy Central for sure.
First, Swiffer ads. This soccer mom is running all over teh house cleaning everything in sight like an OCD neat freak while formerly acceptable rock music is misapplied to merchandising. Then everything stops when the actual owner of the home chastises her for “Doing it again.” Jesus, if some woman wanted to come over to my place and clean everything, do you think I’d complain about it?
Second, there’s some commercial where the kid is riding his big wheel all around an enourmas house including the hardwood floors. The kids parents are able to tell where he is by the sounds of the wheels on the various floors. I have two fantasy versions of this commercial. In the first, the parents are sitting there doing their thing when the actual owners of the house come in with the cops and drag their asses off to the judge. In the second, the kid is zipping around the house when he turns a corner a sees a vision of two little girls saying, “Come Play With Us. Forever and Forever.” A la “The Shining.”
Those commercials for the new, I think it’s a Toyota, where there is some odd little spider thing made of gas pump nozzles walking around, and then the car comes up, runs it over, and a tube pops out of the gas door, sucks up the squished spider juice, and then drives away. WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?
OMG, I just saw one with the cutesy cartoon bears, and I was shocked and horrified by the fact that the commercial comes about this > < close to actually showing the bear pooping. Now that I think about it, I would have some grudging respect if it really DID show the bear in the act of pooping, because that is what toilet paper is for.
And their ad campaign is based on the premise that you should drink Dasani because ordinary water is boring? I like my water boring. If you’re looking for excitement from drinking water, you really need to get out more.
I think it’s supposed to be showing you what great gas mileage it gets (it’s for the Toyota Yaris, right?), but I’ll be darned if I can figure out how squashing the gas-nozzle spider and sucking up its remains means you’ll get better milage.
And what kind of name is ‘Yaris’ anyway? Yaris. Yaris. Dumb name.
I actually like the Old Navy one with the kids dancing on the rooftop, for two reasons:
It means that the company has dropped the whole campy cheap-o campaign with C-level washed up has-beens; and
The main girl in the commercial has such a cute smile, she could sell me just about anything.
And the reasons I like the Three Bears/Hummer ad, are:
The little sound the baby bear makes, it kind of sounds like Chewbacca; and
The look that Goldilocks gives the camera at the end, combined with the name of the product line (Hummer), weakens my male resolve and makes me want to do naughty things with my wife.
I also believe that’s the gist, as that is followed up with pictures of the car and above them it says “40mpg Hwy”, but it looks more like if you bought one of these that your car would hunt and kill for it’s own fuel. I don’t want to wake up in the morning and find my lawn mower and snow blower reduced to crushed components while my Toyota Vampirecar sits idling happily away in the garage. What happens when I run out of other smaller gas powered implements? Does it start targeting puppies and kittens? Small children?
I like my water boring. If you’re looking for excitement from drinking water, you really need to get out more.