Pregnancy can be a bit of a disability in cases where your ankles get badly swollen, high blood pressure and the like. I’ll give up my seat to anyone who seems to need it more than me. Little kids so they can sit next to mum, someone with an ironing board or whatever awkward stuff they might have along with them … I don’t care if they say thanks or not. It’s both a duty and a priviledge. I’ve heard people say - oh I didn’t realise she was pregnant, I just thought she was fat! So what - give her your seat while you still can!
Diversion here: On planes I always book an aisle seat, don’t like to feel hemmed it, there’s always some tall bloke on the other side with one leg stretched into the walkway. Half way through the flight I’ll ask if he wants to trade seats with me and put the other leg to sleep.
Actually, when I was taking the El downtown every day (and believe me…the Red Line at 7:30am…seats are at a premium), I would always offer my seat to a lady. Actually, any woman.
I just consider it good chivalry karma, and it probably set me up for finding many easy parking spaces in the long run.
If you’re a 13-40 y.o. healthy male, and not offering your seat to a woman without her asking (doesn’t matter if she’s healthy, sick, pretty, ugly, etc.), do it.
-Cem
It’s very much the way I was raised. I’ve spent most of my life in the rural South, and like you say, there are some things that just are not done. Failing to offer a seat under these circumstances is unimaginable to me. Not only do I believe it the proper thing to do, but it’s something deeply ingrained in our culture.
If I noticed, I would offer my seat. As I tend to be in my own little world on the rare occasions that I take public transit, I don’t know how likely that it is that I’d notice. However, as soon as I did. . .I’d offer. Hell, I’d offer it to pretty much anyone standing near me; I’m just weird like that.
Why? Women can’t stand up or something?
Why should this be done? What’s the reasoning here? I’m not going for ‘It’s just polite’. I want to know why it’s considered so polite to treat women different than men. What’s the point? Will I die if I stand up on a subway?
Then you should expect a very confused/angry/where’s-the-mace expression from me. Although I’d probably take the seat. Weirdos on buses don’t deserve to sit.
I would give up my seat to a pregnant or elderly person but they would have to ask. I am pretty oblivious in buses and tend to just zone out or look out the window. Like Kalhoun I am also one of those people who would rather die than ask for a seat, which I accept as a personal failing on my part.
One thing that just pisses me off so totally, though, is when old women (it’s always old women) sit in the aisle seat with an empty window seat or put their purse there, on a loaded bus. Only once did I have the courage to step over that old bat and claim the window seat, and the chick stared me down the whole time with that lemon-faced expression of the curmudgeonly. You should have the right to sit down if you’re old, but you don’t get an extra seat for it.
This thread also shows that while I agree with the general principles behind being child-free, many hardcore CFers are totally insane.
I don’t want you to give up your seat for me! I don’t need any man to do that. It isn’t some uber-feminist thing. I don’t have a problem with you holding the door for me but I will hold the door for you, too. I can stand on my way home and it’s quite frankly unwanted attention and an implication that I am somehow weaker and more dainty than you.
And please, please, don’t get me started on Southen hospitality.
That, sir, is a beautiful turn of phrase. 
I don’t go along with the Give-her-your-seat-just-because-she’s-a woman thing, either. I don’t feel that I deserve the seat any more than any other able-bodied person on the train. I don’t look at it as a personal shortcoming that I don’t ask for seats, either. I’ve never needed one badly enough to ask for one. I suppose if I did, I would. I am no more deserving than the next guy unless I’m in distress. Which I nevah am.
**catsix **and Anaamika, if someone offers you a seat, and you don’t want it, just say, “No, thank you,” and get on with your lives. It’s not a huge deal.
I do it because it makes me feel good. You are free to decline my offer of the seat but I will offer it to any lady who is standing provided there isn’t somebody obviously disabled there first. If you’re going to have polite rules about the order in which somebody is entittled to seating then there must be a heirarchy and ladies come before gentlemen in the way I was raised. You have to draw a line somewhere and for me it is easier to just offer my seat to anybody of the female persuasion than try to gauge their overall health and fitness level, as well as reproductive status at a glance before making that call.
Yes I do. Note than in my earlier post I referred to giving up my seat to others in greater need and holding the door for anyone.
I believe that everyone – regardless of gender, race, color, or creed – is entitled to courteous treatment, until they demonstrate otherwise.
Of course it isn’t…to me. What irked me were the handful of posters who * seemed* to be claiming that not giving up your seat for a woman was rude, and of course the ever-present little comments on how the South is so much nicer and politer than the rude, boorish North - a fact I know is not universally true.
But you’re right…it’s no skin off my back either way.
Count me in as another person who doesn’t get the men-sacrificing-their-seats thing. It’s not that it’s weird or anything…it’s just unnecessary. I’m not tender. I can stand.
But if you offered up your seat, I would say “No, thank you.” I wouldn’t get pissed or militant. That’s just plain rude.
Honestly, I don’t get the oblivious-on-the-train thing. I am queen of the space cadets, but I’m generally on high alert when I take public transit. I feel the need to be aware of who’s in my space. There are creeps you need to watch out for in the public arena, and saying “But I’m so oblivious!” is not a good excuse if you have an unfortunate encounter. And if you’re on a crowded train or bus, it seems to me that it would do a person well NOT to be so self-engrossed.
Wait…am I the putative weirdo? Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been called that!
It’s an egalitarian trip, the El. If someone aisle-hogs (the proper term), then you’re well within your rights to tell (not ‘ask’) her to move in. If she doesn’t, you’re allowed to tromp on her feet as you climb over.
Souther Hospitality nothing…born and raised in Chicago, and have the same sensibilities.
-Cem
Heck…I’m claiming it’s rude to not offer your seat. If you’re a healthy guy, get up, grab a pole, and offer your seat to the lady. If she just got done winning a triathlon, offer it. If she’s a 80-year old, wobbly-kneed matron…offer it. If it’s a teenaged hussy-type…offer it.
It’s just done.
And I totally agree with the Southern vs. Northern polite vs. boorish thing. I’ve met plenty of Southerners, and roughly the same percentage are classless clods.
-Cem
I think the point most of us are trying to make is that it is a different time in the world. Women don’t feel the need to be coddled. It’s not that you’re an ass for trying to be a nice guy…it’s that you only feel it’s necessary to make these gestures for women. Unnecessary attention from strangers can be intimidating to some women on mass transit. I would never take an attitude toward someone who is trying to be nice, but you need to understand that this is an antiquated custom that really has no place in today’s society. Give up your seat to whoever needs it.
Eh…I probably didn’t mention that I’d be happy to give up my seat for a person (male) with physical limitations, or age-related infirmities. My bad.
-Cem
Not to give **Kalhoun ** a hard time, but there’s something inherently funny about the stance “I don’t want to be coddled! I am strong, I am invincible, I am Woman! I don’t need your seat! Oh, and don’t talk to me, because it scares me.”