Because Cemetery Savior said so.
You give up the seat to any woman even if she just won a triathlon, but only to a man if he has physical limitations or age-related infirmities.
That’s how I know.
I don’t agree with that. I don’t believe that modern women sit around saying, “Boy, I wish men would do things for me just because I’m a woman.” They want to be treated courteously, and men want to treat them (and everyone else) the same way. There may be some old ideas that are passed on, and some of them are valid. Women *are * smaller and physically weaker than men, for the most part. We frequent a restaurant in our area that has a door that is damn near impossible for me to open. I struggle with it every time and Mr. K inevitably has to bail me out. Women tend to haul more stuff around with them (purse, baby bag, shopping bag, gigantic bag that contains shoes and books, etc.). I’m sure lots of men (and women) keep this in mind and have gotten into the habit of holding doors because women need the assist.
No, we want everyone to be treated equally and politely. It is polite to offer a bus seat to anyone who might have trouble standing, and that includes old people, th injured, and pregnant people.
But not ‘all women’, as Cemetery Savior seems to believe.
He’s one guy with some antiquated, but harmless ideas. He’s not trying to belittle you or put you in your place. Why do you automatically assume men are trying to thwart your efforts to make your own way in the world?
There’s mass transit in South Dakota? Four people in the back of a pickup truck? 
This whole discussion reminds me of an old joke:
I ride the buses and subway (here we call it Metrorail) in Washington, D.C. We definitely have “priority seating” for elderly and disabled riders…I’m not sure if that offically applies to pregnancy. The meaning of “priority” seems to be that the seats are available to all unless a special-needs person appears.
I see tons of apparently healthy young people taking those seats all the time and totally ignoring everyone around them.
I have been thinking about this, and have recently resolved to myself (but not yet had a chance to put into practice) that if I see a needy traveler standing while the pririty seats are occupied, and I’m in my regular seat, I’ll politely-but-loudly-enough-to-be-heard ask the person in need, “Excuse me, would you like to sit down?”
If they say yes, however, I won’t get up and give up MY seat. I never offered MY seat. Instead, I’ll clearly ask “Which one of you folks in the Priority Seating would like to make that happen?”
I seriously want to try this.
Sailboat
I’m totally with catsix on this, and I think there’s a significant amount of misreading going on with regard to her stance.
Catsix, as I see it, does not believe it is wrong to offer one’s seat to another person. She, and I, believe it is bigoted to offer one’s seat only to women.
So for all you people who are standing up for “common courtesy,” put your money where your mouth is, and do it for men, regardless of their apparent condition, as well as for women.
This is common courtesy: For seats that are not otherwise labeled for the use of a particular class of persons: First-come, first-serve, regardless of gender, unless there is someone with a special need.
What “pushes my buttons” is the assumption that what’s considered being polite to a man is different from what is considered being polite to a woman.
Chivalry offends me because of its basic assumption that the minimum level of courtesy owed to a woman is different from the minimum level of courtesy owed to a man. That’s bullshit.
Frank recently reminded us:
I think the only loophole here for Oakminster is that this statement can be construed as being indirect. But from commentary by Southerners on this board, I understand this statement to be an insult.
How can saying someone doesn’t know any better be an insult? I believe it was intended as a joke.
And I have said, repeatedly, that I will offer my seat to anyone who appears to need it more than I do.
Even if one wishes to construe that as an insult, which I don’t think I do, it is directed at a group - all Northerners - and would not be warnable.
I agree. That’s what I meant by its being indirect.
I’m sure there’s room for interpretation on this, but my recollection is that on more than one occasion it has been explained to us Yankees that “bless your heart” pretty much means “you’re an idiot.”
I used to be like this, but one day I had an epiphany as I was giving my seat to a middle aged woman. Somewhere, it was possible that someone was giving up their seat to the bitch on wheels that was my boss at the time. Now you only get my seat based on need. Even the bitch gets my seat if she’s carrying a litter.
I dunno. I don’t think women are necessarily entitled to have a seat offered to them, and I don’t think pregnant women are necessarily entitled to have a seat offered to them, but if I see someone (pregnant, woman, or not) who appears to be having difficulty or looks especially haggard, I think the polite thing to do is offer them a seat.
I don’t think pregnant women get a pass just because they’ve got a bun in the oven. If you’re at the point in your pregnancy when you know you’re going to be very likely to get tired and can’t run around like you used to, then plan ahead. Stay home or arrange for a ride or ask for someone to go with you or ask for help. But this passive/agressive idea that people should automatically know or care that you need help without having to say what you want is a little much.
That is probably a function of how crowded those trains get.
I went on a trip to Asia with my mom and everytime we got on a train people got up so she could sit (and she was barely 60 and not infirm in any way). Unless they were old enough to be her father, the men got up and most women who were young enough to be her daughter (under 30) got up unless they had kids. This was all over Asia. So I thought it was an Asian thing. Then I went to Paris with my mom and while they were really rude to us in restaurants, I noticed the exact same phenomenon except that men would not give up their seats unless they were noticably younger than her and women didn’t give up their seats at all. I think its an American thing to just sit there because people here are just not as connected with each other.
This may not be an insult; however, it is pretty much crap.
That, or the major Southern metropolitan city where I live and work—and in which I ride the train daily—has been fully repopulated by these know-nothing Yankees.
It’s rare that I see anyone give up his seat at all, even to an elderly person. I’m fairly confident that this legion of genteel Southern gentlemen, springing to attention at first sight of a delicate, blushing belle, now exists nowhere but in Oakminster’s dogwood-blossom-scented fantasies.
How rude. Shall I tell you what so-called Southern hospitality means to me?
Really? That’s the reason you don’t want children? So you don’t have to inconvenience people on a bus? That is…amazingly thoughtful.
So, now pregnant women should just stay off the bus altogether? Is it offensive to you to even have to look at them?
So it is some kind of trend that pregnant women are rude? And what’s with the generalizing? Would it be acceptable for me to say “if every young black guy on the train was polite, I’d feel much more charitable towards them in general.”?
You know what, never mind. If anyone has an urge to discover what Southern Hospitality means to me they can start a new thread and I will be glad to answer. Oakminister’s comment is such an insult…didn’t listen to any of the reasons why it’s different in the North, why we do things differently. Just assumed.
But I won’t hijack this thread anymore then it’s already been. I’ve already answered the OP, so sorry.
It was aimed at me and I assumed he wrote it in a largely joking matter. He jokes a lot and it is usually humorous. Obviously you are aware that a stereotypical Southerner will Say “Bless their hearts” where we ill mannered Northerners would say FU. But I really think he said it jokingly.
Jim
[QUOTE=acsenray]
I’m totally with catsix on this, and I think there’s a significant amount of misreading going on with regard to her stance.
Catsix, as I see it, does not believe it is wrong to offer one’s seat to another person. She, and I, believe it is bigoted to offer one’s seat only to women./QUOTE]Well, she also said that she wouldn’t offer her seat to a pregnant woman, because a person doesn’t deserve special consideration just because they choose to become a “breeder”. (A word sometimes used by the childless by choice to subtly denigrate the people who have children.)
My take:
I think it is a relic of sexism to educate people that a woman automatically deserves a seat.
In public transportation, I would give my seat to an elderly person, a pregnant woman, a parent that wants to sit next to their children, or anyone who seems to have difficulties standing and would seem (to me) to be more comfortable in a seat. I personally do not offer my seat on the bus to someone just because she’s a woman - I need additional reasons.
However, I am sure that some elderly people would resent the offered seat - “You think I’m too old to stand up? I can take it as well as you can, whippersnapper!” or else “My God, I must be looking old today! Why else is this person offerring me a seat?”
For the people that perceive an implied insult in the seat offer, there is really no cause to get annoyed by it. A simple “No thank you, I don’t need a seat” would make your point clear without anyone needing to get angry. The other person is trying to be polite, and it is rude to respond to an attempt at politeness, even misguided politeness, with antagonistic behaviour.
The people that say “I wouldn’t give my seat to a visibly pregnant woman, because she chooses to be pregnant, why should I inconvenience myself on her behalf” are either carrying a chip on their shoulder, for whatever reason, about pregnancy, or else are somewhat self-centered. The woman is probably uncomfortable and deserves a seat. If I see a man with a broken leg on the bus, I’m not going to quiz him on the causes of his injury (“what? You were doing parkour around the public library? You deserve to stand, fool!”) Even if he was an idiot, he’ll get my seat.
More likely $1,000 suits.