A perfectly logical rant about taking babies into movie theaters mutated into a debate on the pros and cons of having children present at weddings. Not about taking your darlings where they are expressing uninvited, but whether or not they should be invited or not, and whether or not they should stay until the end.
A few Dopers believe that their attendence is inappropriate at adult functions that usually involve alcohol, but I believe that weddings aren’t just another party- they are vital rituals that hold communities together and serve as family/old friend reunions. So what’s your opinion?
I’ll pretty much repeat what I said in the other thread: It’s up to the bride and groom. We invited kids to our wedding and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I think of weddings as a celebration with people you care about. That includes children. Others may disagree, and that’s cool. I think it was rather silly to claim that children should never be invited. That’s just a poster (with a general beef against kids and parents) trying to turn his opinion into a universal rule.
The fact that alcohol is served shouldn’t be a bar to inviting kids. You can take kids to restaurants that serve alcohol and many less formal get-togethers serve alcohol with kids present.
I think this really comes down to opinion (making IMHO the perfect place for it.) Trying to develop a universal rule is pointless. Some people want kids at the reception, some don’t.
It’s their special day. If their desire is for a perfectly-scripted ceremony, then kids should not be invited. If their desire is that the maximum number of available relatives and friends should share in the special moment, and are willing to accept a bit of disruption here and there, then kids should be invited.
Well, I just typed out a response and somehow it is gone. My apologies if this posts twice.
We had about fifteen kids at our wedding (out of about eighty people) It was a daytime wedding, garden setting. We set up a table for the kids to draw (we got these plates–http://www.makit.com/ and the kids made our “china” for us) We have renditions of our wedding drawn by everyone from a bridesmaid to the three year olds. The table had mini-bagels and fruit and such. I love these plates very much, and can’t imagine not having them (the rugrats) at the wedding, but I think it is a personal choice.’
My apologies if this posts twice. And btw I like your name Sugaree.
I don’t think there is or should be a hard-and-fast rule where kids and weddings are concerned (unlike, say, kids driving with cell phones in the movies ).
Weddings differ by couple; some have posh, six-figure affairs with alcohol and breakables, and others have laid-back backyard get-togethers.
In some cases the marrying couple have children of their own, in other cases they hate children and want to set them on fire.
My (much) younger brother, who was something like five at the time served as the ring-bearer for my wedding.
The kid didn’t make a sound, and was improbably well-behaved. The only trouble came when my idiot best man fumbled for ten minutes trying to get the ring off the pillow.
There weren’t a lot of kids at my wedding, and I don’t much care for them in general, but I never imagined not having them.
Frankly, I’m all for kids at weddings. Weddings are all about families and community and starting new things. Children are part of that, both actually and symbolically. On the other hand, I’m not a fancy-schmancy person and I don’t want a fancy-schmancy wedding. Folks who are shelling out big bucks for a black-tie affair may not want young’uns running around and that’s their choice.
For myself? It wouldn’t be my wedding without kids everywhere. A crying infant and a restless toddler would be welcome additions to my vows. It’s part of life and of family. Babies, grandmothers, and all ages inbetween. It’s the merging of two families, and for me, it wouldn’t be complete without all of the family members there.
Of course, I also don’t like big weddings, or big expensive wedding dresses, or the whole thing. I’m more likely to have a backyard BBQ wedding.
Having kids at weddings could never be inappropriate. As others have said, weddings are family parties and kids are family members. Of course, it’s okay too if they’re not invited, if that’s what the bride and groom want or need to do.
We didn’t have kids at our wedding–but not because we wanted a “perfect ceremony.” There were other considerations. I do regret that we we didn’t have them there.
I wonder what RexDart and pkbites would have thought if he saw us at the wedding we were at this weekend. Arthur and I were boogieing on the dance floor at 10pm. Of course, Arthur wasn’t running around–he’s only 6 weeks old. (and he didn’t cry or fuss the entire evening. He’s an uncommonly good baby.)
We provided a nursery for small kids during our wedding, and then invited everyone to the reception. It worked out well; there were no disruptions during the serious parts of the day, but we still got to see family and friends with all their kids in tow. Plus, the kids were able to play in the nursery instead of having to sit still and be quiet in the sanctuary.
The only tense moment came when a fanily friend brought here (usually) unruly child and refused to leave him in the nursery after being repeatedly asked in less and less nice ways. This kid was the one I had in my mind when we decided to provide child care; he typically spent Sunday mornings screaming and running up and down the aisles during church while his mother occasionally whined “Mark, settle down.” Fortunately, he was absolutely still during the entire wedding
I think it’s definitely up to each couple – there is no steadfast rule for everyone. We didn’t choose to invite kids because that would have added a minimum of 40 more heads to our celebration which would have exceeded fire code regulations at our reception hall. A friend of mine has a horror story of the worst wedding he ever attended. Two kids got up during the ceremony and started chasing each other around the alter and screaming into the microphone at the podium DURING THE CEREMONY. The parents never got up to remove them from from the church. During the vows at my best friend’s wedding two twin infants began screaming bloody murder and the mom refused to leave because she didn’t want to miss that part of the wedding.
In other cases I’ve been at weddings where little ones were cute, fun and extremely well-behaved. You just have to judge your friends/family that are parents if you think they can handle their kids if they start getting bored/hungry/tired, etc.
My whole family (me, Mrs. KVS and the three Kid KVS’s) went to the wedding of a close friend a week ago. There were 300+ guests, and the only kids there were mine, two from another family close to the bride, and family cousins. The five “family friend” kids sat very nicely, ate appropriately, danced when they wanted, and made me very proud. (They also had 4 Shirley Temples apiece, but they behaved very nicely at the bar, and always said thank you to the bartender.)
One of the cousins, a boy of about 10, ate a packet of sugar - paper and all.
We chose to invite children–not just to have them attend, but participate. Of course, both the hubby and I are teachers and thus rather kid-happy people. They are welcome, refreshing presences.
My nephew, 6 at the time, was our ringbearer. The hyper-anal wedding coordinator (assigned by the church) insisted that he not actually have the ring on the pillow–in other words, that the ringbearer not bear the ring!–because he “was a kid.” Nonsense! We immediately dismissed that, saying, in essence, “This is our wedding and this is how we’re doing it.” My nephew did a stellar job, thankyouverymuch, and was extremely well behaved throughout (especially when you consider what a monkey he is!).
On every table at the reception, we had custom coloring books that proved a hit with the kids–and the adults as well. The little kiddos danced the YMCA and had a grand ball participating in each event (although a very small girl, maybe 2, wouldn’t dance with me. I guess the lady in the Big White Dress was a little intimidating for her!). One, in fact, caught the garter (he was about 11 or 12).
Of the 10-15 kids in attendence (of about 100-120 guests), not one misbehaved inappropriately. Their parents were all responsible, thoughtful folk, and that most certainly was a factor. Had there been parents who just let them run amuck, my tale may have been different.
We didn’t even think about it. It’s OUR wedding and we paid for everything. Most of my friends have kids, our relatives have kids, so hey! bring the kids! We had kids of all ages (none of our own), open bar, live band, all packed into a loft in Manhattan. A great time was had by all. I don’t remember fussy children or fussy adults being a problem at all. I don’t think anybody did anything that was inappropriate.
At the ceremony all the kids were well-behaved. We were really glad they were there. It was a relatively small wedding (<100 people if I recall correctly), so there weren’t that many.
I think it’s definitely a decision for the bride and groom to make. The only children present during my first wedding was our neices and nephews. That wasn’t too bad because they were all pretty well behaved kids.
I just got married again in April and it was a private ceremony with my daughter as flower girl, our son as ring bearer, our parents, photographers, matron of honor and best man… but we invited everyone, kids and all, to our reception. The reception was a blast. The kids got out there and danced the night away with us and everyone had a great time. If I’d had a really elaborate wedding/reception and spent $300/head for the food I wouldn’t have invited kids but our reception was a casual affair… buffet and a keg and everyone was happy.
We are having children at our wedding in 2.5 weeks. There will be at least one baby (Jacqueline) as well as several pre-pubesent post-toddler kiddos. My cousins whom I haven’t seen in a while who are just hitting teenagerhood will be there! Hugs to them.
I can’t imagine a wedding without kids present. That’d be like a cake without icing. That cake without icing won’t mess the floor after it falls off the plate, but it’s just incomplete.
shrugs Some people like cake without icing.
(And congratulations Venoma on your upcoming nuptials!)
My brother and his wife decided that the only kids they would have at the wedding would be my two. I told them that they didn’t have to feel obliged to invite them, but they were adamant. My daughter (she was four at the time) was the flower girl, my son (six) was pageboy, and they were perfect angels all night.
It came down to the fact that my brother said “You are flying all the way to Perth from Japan just for our wedding, so of course they are invited to the wedding too.”
It also helped that my husband and I are strict when it comes down to behaviour in public, so my kids knew that they had to be quiet and still until the dancing started.
As long as the bride and groom know what they are getting into, I don’t see any problem.
A lot of times in our family, kids weren’t invited because it was just too expensive. With all the extended relatives and what not, some of them just couldn’t afford it-or could only afford to invite just close relations.
).
The little kiddos danced the YMCA and had a grand ball participating in each event (although a very small girl, maybe 2, wouldn’t dance with me. I guess the lady in the Big White Dress was a little intimidating for her!). One, in fact, caught the garter (he was about 11 or 12).