The improvement is that it is no longer Weedy’s problem. The upside of that is it will probably make Weedy’s partner happy.
But Weedy is already worried about his parents’ retirement and the money that they’re giving him; that’s why this whole thread got started in the first place. If anything, sending bro and family back to the parents would cause even more problems, as noted in the OP.
Well, OK. It’s just that I don’t view people as disposable, and Weedy might care for brother and parents beyond the financial aspects. I don’t even like one of my sisters, but I still wouldn’t want to see her dumped on the street and I’d help her out to prevent that if I had the means to do so.
(She was homeless for a couple months last summer. I actually did help her out to the extent I was able to - it wasn’t much, and it wasn’t money, but there ya go.)
If I was Weedy’s partner and Weedy just summarily dumped brother, GF, and child out on the street it wouldn’t make me happy at all - I’d think much less of Weedy, in fact. However, not everyone is like me, I realize that.
I would need to know more about the deposit money your parents gave you. Was it a gift or a loan? Is there a repayment plan?
Whatever amount your mother is offering right now, could you not accept it in cash, but instead, take it off the repayment of the deposit money?
Your parents are offering you the money because they know you gotta be thinking of kicking out your brother. It’s not fair you should have to bear the burden but they either don’t want him kicked out or don’t want him back with them bad enough to pay you. So your options are not taking the money and kicking your brother out which is probably the thing your parents want the LEAST to happen, take the money and let him stay or suck it up and keep paying for them.
The money comes out of my share of the inheritance (assuming there is any, but my parents are good with money, so I (and they) think there will be). My parents cashed in some superannuation to give it to me. Any more money they give me now will come from the same source, which is why I don’t want to take it.
The GF is pretty useless work-wise, but she is a good mother, so it’s not all bad.
Broomstick, you have really nailed a lot of the issues here, about my parents’ income, and not wanting to see my brother homeless. I like the idea of them contributing somehow. It wouldn’t be so annoying for us if they did something, anything, for us or my parents. Maybe I will bring this up.
My brother’s skills are in data entry. At his old job, he had been promoted to a managerial position, but he has no qualifications, and there are just so many qualified people around at the moment. To be honest, I don’t think that I could be as brave and dogged as he is, having been knocked back so many times. He is shy, and doesn’t interview well. He has been to classes and such - they helped a bit.
That’s why I think you need a family roundtable.
As I said, my family has been dealing with similar issues, although we handled them differently - there’s more than one solution to the problems here, just realize nothing will fix everything instantly.
Everyone concerned is stressed, and everyone has an agenda. Emphasize to your brother that a reduction in living expenses counts as a contribution, too, that might ease some of the shame I assume he is feeling about not being able to support himself and his family.
I really, really strongly encourage pursuing public aid - yes, “welfare”. This is exactly the sort of situation it was intended for. I had about four months this year where I had ZERO income and the food stamps, with just the simple assurance that at least we could eat, relieved so much stress on us it was amazing. Now, he may or may not get a lot of aid - in fact, if he and the GF are unmarried it might be advantageous for HER to take the initiative here as many programs are set up for mothers + children as the default. Whatever, this could make a significant impact on their situation. What they may be able to get may also depend on the age of their child, but if she’s bringing home aid AND being a good mother at home is that a problem? It might free your brother up to continue to look for work with less worry on his part, which may be advantageous. And if you look at it that way, she WOULD be contributing. Seriously, have you looked at the cost of child care lately? This is a situation where her staying home MIGHT, in fact, be the more fiscally responsible thing to do. Since I’m not there I can’t say for sure that it is, just that it might be a real possibility.
Ooo, data entry - most of that has been outsourced these days. Realistically, no, he will NOT find temporary work in that area and there is a huge glut of qualified people. He should start looking elsewhere, if he hasn’t already. At least he has managerial experience. He really should start looking everywhere, with emphasis on his management experience. For example, there are several McDonald’s around here specifically looking for managers.
How is his healthy and physical condition? Is he able to perform manual labor? I went from a desk job to hanging drywall - fortunately, I have a friend who’s a general contractor who was willing and able to hire me. Does he have friends who might take him on even part time? On an occasional basis?
What are his interests and/or hobbies?
If he considers going back to school what fields would suit his aptitudes? His interests?
I wouldn’t kick my brother and nephew out. Nor would I accept money from my parents. What I would do is to discuss with your brother the possibility of keeping a ledger of how much rent (full amount) you are fronting him for his rent. Have him sign an IOU every month you pay rent on his behalf, along with an agreement that he agrees to pay back the total amount once he gets a job.
If he doesn’t pay it back, then you will deduct the full amount you fronted him, plus a fair interest rate, from his half of your parents’ estate, upon the sale of their home or their deaths.
Treat it like a business transaction, complete with official signed receipts of everything so that he knows that he’s not getting a free ride. He’s an adult and you should treat him like one. Adults don’t get free rides.
That’s a good idea. I’d make the IOU a formal promissory note with the terms and conditions clearly stated.
That is not a good idea, on it’s own. It would have to be explicitly stated in the will. The executor has a fiduciary duty to follow the terms of the will. I suppose the will could reference the promissory note and the balanced owed, but that might be tricky to do correctly.
Wait a second, your parents want to give you money for your brother’s upkeep, but take it out of what you would get in their will? How does this put you in any better position long-term than just paying it up front? If they were going to take it out of your brother’s share of the will, that might make sense.
I don’t know about the OP’s parents’ wills, but our will states that all debts have to be paid before there’s a disbursement of assets. (I even doubt that this has to be explicitly stated, but IANAL.) If the IOU is done correctly, this would fall in line behind the IRS as a legal debt that had to satisfied before the split. No?
Which brings us to the matter of a will. If your parents don’t have one designating an executor and how the money should be split, they should get one.
Well, if it was me, I’d get out and find him a cheap apartment to live in, downsizing as required. Then I’d move him and his family into it and rent out the other unit to non family members. Any profit realized would be applied to subsidize his rent on the new place. Parents could pay that rent, as they felt necessary. They should go and get public assistance, at that point, to help cover rent, utilities, health care, meds, food. You and your parents will then be in a better position to fill in, wherever they still need help. They will be more motivated to create change and they will not be as likely to feel enshrined, in a home they cannot afford. If they never move up, at least they are living in cheap enough digs that you and your parents can more easily carry them.
seconded, good mom or not she has a responsibility to provide for her children as well, not just look at your brother and say “what are you going to do”.
When times are hard, everyone needs to help. If they are not working BOTH of them need to be helping out with household issues as suggested. If you are feeling generous deduct the hours they put in as a deduction @ $x/hr from what they owe in payback.
Have they considered daycare? If she is supermom, a couple regular daycare kids could unload alot of the burden on OP and parents. Iirc the permits and licences are fairly inexpensive and have minimal requirements to obtain.
With both of them around 5-6 become doable and you have an instant business. The day that there is enough reasonably priced daycare will probably happen right after cancer is cured and cheap unopposed nuclear power is a reality.
Perhaps I don’t understand what you meant in the first place. As I understand it, it would be the brother’s debt to the OP, not the parent’s debt. The OP would have no claim for a debt against the parents estate. However, the brother’s debt to the OP could be considered in how the estate is distributed but I think it would have to be carefully stated in the will.
There may be better ways to cover this, perhaps a life insurance policy on the parents payable to the OP that would cover the debt. That may or may not work, depending on the age of the parents and the amount of insurance needed.
[quote=“Dag_Otto, post:34, topic:554167”]
You are 100% correct. My bad.
What does your SO want to do? That seems to be the key point here, whether you take the money or not can go either way based on priorities. What are the SO’s specific concerns, it is just the lost monthly rent income, or is the family dynamics / general concern about how much more involved you’ll be in supporting another whole family. Because for me it would be the latter (eta: and it’s not me, I know). Obviously I don’t know the whole story but the whole situation sounds … complicated, with the inheritance and the investment property and now a monthly cash gift involving three families. Your parents obviously have some liquid cash, there isn’t another way to put a roof over the brother’s head that doesn’t involved your (you+SO) family’s finances? And what about the SO’s family, is there anyone who may need care or money down the line? What if someone in your SO’s family needs money or a place to live, or the two of you have a crisis, how far are the two of you going to go to keep this family in this particular house? Not that I’m asking for answers, these are just things I’d be talking about between the two of us, before I talked to anyone else in the extended family.
It would be an understandable viewpoint if she and the brother could house their child without the charity of others. But when you can’t, it’s far less reasonable–idealism about how to raise your child is a good and laudable thing, but when you get right down where the rubber meets the road it’s far more important for a child to have food, clothes, and shelter than a stay at home parent.
I think you should just deed the unit back to your parents, and let them sort it out with your brother. It’s not really yours anyway. Your parents gave you the money for the downpayment, your brother has been paying you rent. Now that he can’t your parents are going to give you the money for the payments. Doesn’t really sound like your investment at all…sounds like your parent’s and your brothers.
So the brother gets all the benefits of gifts from the parents and the OP gets none?
Not exactly ideal either.
I agree completely with this. Make sure the rent you’re quoting is a fair rent considering the value of the property, but also the relationship.
Additionally, if there is work that you’re currently hiring out, like landscaping or oil changes, babysitting (maybe not daily child care, but evenings out, that type) whatever, consider letting brother and partner do that work as an offset to the rent. The $100 you may be paying a month for lawn mowing and hedge trimming is money you’d be “saving” in that case, and brother will have put in some effort toward his keep.
This of course presumes that the mother is qualified to do work (not even touching the possibility of finding work) that would earn enough to make it a financial boon to put the child in someone else’s care. If mom can only get an $7/hour McJob, the vast majority of her earnings aren’t going to go into the household, they’re going to go to the daycare center. If you end up working really hard and you’re away from your small child all day and you end up with maybe $50 in your pocket each week – before you pay for your commute and your clothes and your meals while at work – staying home makes a lot more sense.