Should I Apologize? or The Case of Mis-Remembered Identity

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

The Setting: Friday night at the bar. A friend and I are shooting some pool, drinking some booze, and generally just having a good time.

Enter: “X”, a boy I knew in high school.

Background Info: I hate “X” with a deeply blinding passion. He is cocky, arrogant, and presumptuous. I remember a night, eight years ago, where he deeply insulted me and emotionally blindsided me with a viscous verbal attack.

The Action: The night continues, more balls are sunk, more alcohol is consumed. “X” starts hitting on me and I am disgustingly flattered. [sub]bad ego, bad![/sub] With great self-control and delicious feelings of vindication, I shoot him down not once, not thrice, but FIVE times. I make him grovel, I laugh in his face. By the time I waltz out the door with a sassy little hair toss at three a.m., he’s practically begging for mercy.

Fast Forward: It’s Monday night and I’m chatting with a friend and mention the incident. He asks why I’m so anti-X, and I tell him, Well–this one time he said blah, blah, blah and I was crushed and so on and so forth.
My friend’s response?
“Um, bella, that was ‘Y’”

The minute he said it I knew he was right. I had the wrong guy. In my defense, X and Y both have the same first name and were both peripheral aquaintances from the same circle of friends back in the day. Regardless, this was supposedly one of the supremely hurtful moments of my life and I’m not even remembering the right asshole? I mean, I know I smoked a lot of pot in college but this is ridiculous.

So now, here I am, feeling like the biggest horse’s ass in the state and wondering how petty I must be to still harbor hatred (for the wrong person!) over an incident I don’t even remember correctly. The chances of me seeing this guy again in the near future is fair to middlin’, and I’m absolutely dreading it. I have a sneaking suspicion that X MUST have pissed me off at some point, or else my subconscious wouldn’t have been nearly so quick to associate him with remembered transgressions. But seeing as how I can’t remember anything specific, and eight years ago is a long time, (the person I was eight years ago? Pshaw–I’d kick her angst-ridden ass if I met her on the street today) I’m wondering if I should apologize to him. But what, exactly, do I apologize for–and how? I’m wanting to take back my nastiness without aiding in any delusions on his part that I’ve simply changed my mind and decided I can’t live without tasting his goodies. Any suggestions?

Egads–The one time I get my sweet, well-chilled revenge and I’m directing it at the wrong person! I’m feeling like a total bitch here, a role I am painfully uncomfortable in. Am I over-estimating the importance here? Should I just let it go, or follow my gut and try to make up for it a bit?

bella

2

I don’t think most guys remember these things. Sometimes they like you more if you treat them badly. FWIW.

3

Violet, that was my first reaction. I laughed for a while, and then began to worry about my memory functions, then laughed some more. But the more I think on it, the more it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I don’t get propositioned often, and feel that I handled it very poorly. Had I not had this whole fictional vendetta against the guy, I might have even flirted back a bit before letting him down easy. At this point though, I just keep picturing how I would feel if some guy did this to me and I want to urk. I almost feel obligated to start an “i love X” fan club as a penence. Talk about over-compensating!

I guess the smart thing would be to just hope he forgets about it. It’s not like I think he went home and cried or anything. I just know that the cringe-factor the next time I see him at a party is going to be very high on my part. ::sigh:: I guess that’s what I get for getting all power-drunk while I’m vodka-drunk…

4

If you “shot him down” five times, you didn’t shoot him down. You were playing hard to get.

Guys are dumb, and you, belladonna, are hot.

If you had “Guy Y” grovelling at your feet, you should go look him up. Get together and he’ll buy you stuff. And you have a funny story to share. (With proper editing.) What more could you want?
-Rue. (relationship guy)

5

When you see him again, casually mention that you had been frequently thinking that he was Y. Don’t make it immediately apologetic. If your shooting him down (5 times. Does that make you an ace?) only bothered him a little, he will have an explanation in the back of his head. If it bothered him a lot, he might mention it, and you two can hash it out, if that is what you want. It could also lead to more flirtation, if that is what you want.

And Rue’s line “Guys are dumb, and you, Belladonna, are hot.” should definitely go in your sig line. Even though it was said by a “dumb guy.”

6

I don’t see why complete honesty on your part would be amiss. Why not make a deliberate effort to meet up with him, apologize and explain the mixup? You might even invite him on a date if you’re interested in that way.

7

Yeah bella, you should use that line for your sig. Seeing my name as a credit in people’s sigs makes me all… tingly.

Narcisistic? Moi? Non.
-Rue.

8

Before I can offer any advice, I need some clarification. Was the action quoted above pretty literal or were you invoking the gods of hyperbole? Did he actually grovel? By “shot him down” did you mean “Oh, no thanks” or “You’ll have more luck trying to score with Bea Arthur than trying to get me out on a date! Bwa-ha-ha”? Was there spitting of bile involved?

If you just deflected his advances, don’t worry about it. Us guys are so use to denial we eventually develop a pretty thick skin. We’re like telemarketers, if we ask enough people, eventually someone may want new windows.

OTOH, if you left him a quivering mess of protoplasm on the the ground, wondering what demon from hell decided that now it was his turn on the barbeque, well then I think you should just come out and tell him the truth.

9

Damn. Now I wanna see belladonna. Oh, and FWIW, if someone did that to me, I’d laugh my ass off about it. It’d probably end up becoming an inside joke between us (“Pass the sugar?” “I bet you’d never ask Y to pass the sugar, would you? :p”)

10

Why A Duck–it was hyperbole-tinged truth. As in:

X–I think you’re very attractive and just want to give you a call sometime
Me–And you think I would be interested why? ::Cold Laugh::
later…
X–You’re killing me bella, How about I buy you a drink and we can just talk here for a few, if you’d like.
Me–Do you even remember me? You’re an ass and I already have a drink. I think your friends are over there, run along now. ::turning away::
and later again…
X–Why don’t you just give me your number, bella. I really think you should.
Me–Why?
X–::blinking::Well, why not?
Me–You’re aware I have a baby, right?
X–I could treat you like a baby…
Me–(confused)I don’t want to be treated like a baby, I’m a grown woman!
X–I’d treat you however you wanted. ::sliding closer::
Me–It’s my shot, you’re in my way.

Oy, I’m cringing just remembering it…but at the time, going on what I thought the situation was–It felt SOOOO good!

And Superdude, as someone whose usual interactions with the opposite sex go something like this:
bella–oooh, he’s checking me out. watching me walk past all smooth and slinky like. I’m a tiger, I’m a babe, I’m a ::tripping over curb and falling into mudpuddle::
“Aw Fuck”
I think it’s pretty funny too. But I wasn’t on the receiving end of the nasties and so that makes a difference, in my mind anyway. The sane may disagree.

Anyway, thanks for the input, guys. I don’t feel quite so icy after your ‘oh, he was loving it’ comments. So you’re claiming he might buy me stuff, eh? Hmmmmm… :smiley:

Oh, and Rue? Tingle away.