Should I attend this wedding?

Earlier this week, I received an invitation to the wedding of a sister of a friend of mine. I don’t want to go. Not because I don’t get along with her (which I usually don’t), but because I believe her marriage to this guy is a bad, bad, bad idea. They make each other and everyone around them miserable more often than not. She’s thinking, “I’m 28, fat, and never going to meet anyone else.” He’s thinking, “Eh, I’m just along for the ride.” When they go out, it’s almost always to a loud bar or club where they won’t have to speak to each other.

Now, I have seen my fair share of horrible marriages in my day. Not only between my parents and their subsequent spouses, but in other couples as well. I feel like I can sense a bad marriage a mile away.

I don’t want to go because I don’t want to give the impression that I approve of it (not that they need my approval), but if I don’t go, I just know she’s going to fuss and bitch and moan about it whenever we’re together, making me and everyone else very uncomfortable.

Is this a time to stick to my guns and refuse to go, or should I compromise my morals and ethics for the sake of keeping the peace?

If I felt as strongly as it appears you do I would not attend. I would let the sister of my friend know that I appreciated being invited but because of the way I feel I am sending my regrets and will not be attending.

Anything else, to me, would be putting a lie on it.

I am of two minds.

Firstly, I often see weddings as a time to see long lost relatives and friends, a sort of structured reunion, so sometimes I attend weddings that I’m not crazy about if only to see my grandmother and cousins or whathaveyou.

But if you are completely unable to truthfully express any joy or approval of the wedding, then I wouldn’t go. Who knows. If enough of the right people express their distaste it may cause her to wake up and rethink it all. There’s nothing sadder than a wedding of desperation, or a wedding that you know will end in a sorrowful marriage. I only wish someone could shake some sense into her.

Don’t go.

You sound like you take weddings very seriously, as do I, and if you can’t give your support to the union, you shouldn’t be there. Send your regrets that you can’t be there and your best wishes for the couple.

Don’t go.

Send a blender.

The sister of a friend? Who you don’t even really get along with? Hell, I wouldn’t bother going even if I did approve of the marriage.

I wouldn’t even get into whether or not I approve of the marriage. Just decline the invitation.

This is a person you refer to as a “sister of a friend”.
You are under no obligation to go to a wedding of someone you don’t even refer to as a friend. The only excuse you need give is that you have other obligations.
It’s not anyone’s business if those obligations are only studying the depth & lint content of your navel.

Geez Eve and Otto, aren’t you even considering the OPEN BAR aspect :wink:

Free food and drink, give me the invite and I’ll bleedin’ well go

(betcha that marriage lasts more than 10 years)

I hate to express a dissenting opinion here, especially as I’ve never even considered marriage but (didn’t you just know it) I am doing to…

Since you’re not really friends with her, I might not go, just because why would I?

But I wouldn’t necessarily not go because you think it’s a bad idea. If someone who was a friend of mine was entering into what I thought was a bad marriage I would attempt to dissuade them for both their sakes (I assume you, or friend, has already done this?) but if that failed I would probably go to the wedding on the grounds that they’re going to give it a go, and even if I think they’re stupid and it’s not going to work, I hope I’m wrong, and go to express my hope that it works out anyway. (If one partner is actually deceiving, or abusive, etc, I might consider boycotting completely, but that’s another story.)

Op I don’t know why you are even asking the question? You have already answered it. “should I compromise my ethics and morals…” You know the answer. You know no good can come of doing that. Did you just feel like posting?

Their marriage is not dependant on you and your attendance, would you care if she came to yours? Course not. Life is short, don’t waste it battling with decisions that deep down inside you know the answer to.

Lord Ashtar: I believe that everyone else is viewing this dilemma from the wrong perspective. This is not a matter of your morals and ethics, but hers. This person will marry with or without your approval. The real question boils down to one simple question: What’s in it for you?

You should sit down with a cup of coffee (or whatever your favorite beverage is) and write down a list of the benefits and drawbacks of going/not going. Give extra weight to any showstoppers in either column.

F’rinstance – if you opt out of attending this wedding will this person hate you forever and cut you out of their life? That might be considered a plus, depending on how fond/unfond you are of this person. If they’ll hate you forever and include you in every possible way so as to make your life as miserable as theirs, then maybe you should seek asylun in a neutral country. And change your name. :cool:

If it’s fun for you to wolf down cheeseballs and cocktail wieners while toasting a relationship you are certain will self-destruct in an indeterminate (but assuredly short) time, then by all means, go. After all, you’ve said “I told you so” (haven’t you?) a few times beforehand. After all, at 28 she’s old enough to make her own decisions, for good or ill.

Attending a wedding is often thought of as being some sort of stamp of approval. I disagree. Attending a wedding is more a matter of witnessing a public event, sort of like the groundbreaking ceremony for a public building, but with more music and dancing. If you’re happy for the couple, so much the better. If you’re sure you can’t stand to watch a trainwreck happen, then consider if watching it happen will save you more grief later.

If you go, that’s okay. If you don’t go, that’s okay.

Just my 2¢.


I still think too much is being made of a simple question. Stop bothering me with your need for approval, take control of your life and made a decision about some friend of a friends bloody wedding. ( :slight_smile: )

Okay, another dissenting opinion here… She’s going to get married anyway. She’s probably not going to say, oh well, Lord Ashtar isn’t coming, maybe I shouldn’t get married today. You’re going there to be there for her, support her, share in her life. If you go, and the union fails, then she’ll know that you’re someone who’ll be there for her, even if you’re not the best of friends. And she’ll see that despite (what I assume are) your openly voiced objections, you can see past that to see that she wants you to be at the wedding.

I don’t think that it’s really a matter of “morals and ethics.” She’s not really doing anything immoral or unethical. She’s not asking you to come with her to steal stuff from a store, nor asking you to cover up her extramarital affair.

If it’s just that you’re not close and you wouldn’t care to go even if you approved of the relationship, then just make a plausible polite excuse and send a nice card.

After reading some of the responses here, I keep hearing Patrick Stewart’s Charles Xavier in my head saying, “Why do you ask questions to which you already know the answers?”

I know that my presence is not going to make or break the wedding. I think I’m just going to decline and not go.

Oh, as for this…

I came in here asking for advice. If you felt that my thread was merely a waste of time, why would you post to it twice?

Go. It isn’t as if you know for a fact that someone is getting screwed over in this marriage, unlike in the last “should I go to this wedding?” thread I posted to.

Maybe the girl is just settling, but that’s for her to decide, not you. Go, eat free food, drink free liquor, and nail a bridesmaid :slight_smile:

I like the way this man thinks. I’d listen to him if I were you, Lord Ashtar.


Do like a friend of mine and I did when a mutual friend was marrying the bitch from hell.

We sent a card that said, “Have A Nice Day”.

We figured that would be their one and only nice day together.

P.S. They got divorced two years later.