Should I be getting my act together?

In My Humble Opinion
1

This is an advice thread of the somewhat subjective and rambling kind. If you’re fine with that, read on.

I’m 32 years old and have spent my adult life studying and/or working fairly low-level jobs in various different countries until now.

I’ve recently had the idea that I should be going back to my home country, study something very sensible and get a stable career going. I could then settle, buy a house etc. It seemed great and I was ready.

However, I find myself now having a huge case of cold feet. A career? Steady job? In one place? Eek! :eek: I’m literally waking up in cold sweats at so much predictability and respectability. My whole life has been one big nomadic adventure up till now.

And really, I have no need. I have no SOs, no children, no one to keep me from doing what I want. Moreover, I’m insured for calamities and I have no debts and a small amount of savings. I live comfortably and am really enjoying my lifestyle.

So I don’t fear financial ruin or poverty. What I do worry about is that I’m not saving and I’m not building up anything. I don’t really want to be flatsharing when I’m forty and working entry-level or free-lance jobs (mainly ESL teaching) is getting a bit harder as I get “older”. Then again, stuff is only stuff and I rather like my adventurous lifestyle.

Dopers, any thought? I’m especially interested in people who have roamed around a bit. Did you quit and happily settle? Quit and regretted it? Are you still happily travelling the world into your nineties? Or bitterly regretting not starting a career while you had a chance?

I’m trying to think myself though this and I realise that in the end it’s probably only me who can decide, but your thoughts will help in the process and will be much appreciated.

2

Isn’t there a middle ground? Couldn’t you develop a career that allows you to keep your rambling ways while making a bit more money and building a bigger nest egg? There have been several threads over the years about working abroad, and not all of them involve living out of a knapsack.

Doing this might involve settling down for 2-4 years while you get a degree of some sort, but even that can be an adventure.

3

I don’t see how you have a choice. If you’re not putting aside any of the money you’ll need when you retire, and you’re finding it harder to just continue your current break-even lifestyle, something has to budge. If you can’t improve your situation without sacrificing your mobility, you have to sacrifice your mobility.

4

I don’t think your problem is as simple as travel the world or start doing the white picket fence thing. I think you might benefit from figuring out what you like about what you’re doing now, and figuring out what you’re interested in about a more stable, settled lifestyle. Like Manda says, there’s more than likely a compromise between black and white.

5

There are actually stable and often lucrative jobs where you can travel and work in other countries.

Right now you are essentially living the lifestyle of an aimless drifter. A bum or hobo if you will. Do you aspire do do more with your life? I’m not saying you need to become some sort of world traveling international corporate executive, but what do you actually want to do with your life other than “nothing” in various locations?

6

If you are that phobic about a long-term commitment, maybe you should see a psychiatrist. It doesn’t sound healthy.

7

There’s nothing wrong with opting out of the “get a profession house & wife and settle down and start buying lots of stuff lifestyle.” But there is something to be said for having a profession. It sounds like you’re ready to move up from the vagabond hand-to-mouth situation. You don’t say what your educational background is. Without knowing that I can’t give you any deeper advice than it’s a really good idea to start socking something away for later.
I’ve done the travel abroad/teach ESL thing too. For me it was OK, and it was even lucrative at times, but in the end it simply wasn’t intellectually stimulating enough for me to want to do it for the rest of my life. It seemed like my life was on hold while I had fun exploring, learning about the world and having a blast with other foot-loose expats. And meeting exotic foreign women. But eventually I wanted to “get on with it.”
I met an American in Japan who was approaching middle age and had been teaching ESL abroad for his whole adult life. I asked him if he didn’t sometimes aspire to more. He laughed and said “No, I enjoy being irrelevant.” This is the attitude you should have if you’re going to do it the rest of your life.
As others have pointed out, there are plenty of careers and professions that pay well and are intellectually rewarding and also involve plenty of travel. Many of my friends from ESL abroad days turned their experience and language skills into rewarding positions with the International Studies departments of colleges and universities. If you want to keep your lifestyle simple, keep it simple. Small apartment, little stuff, no pets.

8

Wow! That’s quite an interesting life. I know plenty of 32-year-old long term office drones who would kill to have what you have.

The fact that you’re asking yourself the question, however, might well mean that you really are ready to settle down, at least partially. I’ll echo what others have said about taking an honest look at yourself and what you enjoy doing and seeing where it goes from there. I’ll also echo that if you’re not quite ready to give up the life of a rover that there are plenty of jobs out there that involve traveling.

I’m facing what you are right now, too. I’m in my 40’s, and starting to come to grips with the fact that while I certainly wasn’t lazy at my jobs, I tended to treat my 20’s, 30’s, and early 40’s as one long working vacation (not that I regret this one little bit). The realization has been creeping up on me for the past couple of years. I tried studying accounting, and then I tried studying for my masters in education, but after a boring, pointless semester in ed. school followed by an unhappy, abbreviated stint teaching at a Korean hakwon, I realized that it was time to get a bit more focused. I’m now looking into using my background to become a paralegal, which I think would be the best compromise of my abilities, interests, and sincere desire not to die in a room at the YMCA when I’m 70.

And I suppose that’s what you’ve got to do. Find your abilities and your interests, work out a plan of action that will give you a steady future, while not totally sacrificing your need for travel and change, get the education, graduate by whatever means necessary, and go from there. It’s a big world, and I’m sure there’s something in it for the new you.

Best of luck, and be sure to tell us how it goes!

9

It’s a tough one, PookahMacPhellimy! And it seems 32 is the magic number for reassessing where we are, what we have, and where we’re going.
I too lived an exciting and highly satisfying nomadic life, nationally and internationally for my entire adult life until that aforementioned number hit. With the surprise of a jalapeno hailstorm it drew out the very same thoughts you’re having now, along with the cold sweats and cattle prod nights.
So I took that promotion, the 24-hour flight home, bought a house, got a dog, found a relationship and somewhere amid that there was a sigh of relief.
The sigh stayed; the relief didn’t.
And now, I was locked in.
I think Superhal’s suggestion of psychiatric treatment is a little harsh, and maybe a little misguided. “Long-term” and being “committed” are words assigned to jail terms too; and not all the world sees the future, and say, retirement in the same way as Grunman. God knows, you may not even make it that far.
You can have as strong a commitment to freedom and spontaneity as others have for security and routine. What is security really anyway? Seemingly involves accumulation, vigilance, and then the fear of losing it - no matter if it’s fiscal, or emotional. How many have “sacrificed” for the expected and accepted to end up broken-hearted and penniless at a time they expected to have had all their hard work pay off?
There are no guarantees in that what we choose and how we choose to do it PookahMacPhellimy, and comparisons to others are erroneous - they’re living their life, you’re living yours, and what you see on the outside is not always what’s gettin’ them on the inside.
Be reminded by Thoreau that “Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.” If you can harmonise, and skat, and improvise to the song you’re singing now, do you have a need for that hymn book that others rarely sing alone and off-by-heart?
Put aside the idea of going back home, studying and getting a stable career. See if you’re still waking up with the night sweats. Maybe that’s your answer. And maybe it’s just for now; but that’s where we’re really living.

10

Working for a living, droning on through the daily grind, spending your days doing things you not only dislike, but hate, is all very over rated.

Employment is supposed to be a way to get the bills paid and extra money in order to do the things that you really want to do with your life. That all gets forgotten early on, as your job becomes your life, instead of the ticket to living your life.

If you have the means to actually do what you like then you are golden.

Doing what others think you should be doing is a shity way to live your life. Do what you think you should, or what will make you happy.

Besides, 32 is the new 18. Stay young as long as you can.

11

You seem like a good candidate for the cheesy activities in What Color is your Parachute? book. Corny as they are, they can provide some direction when you just aren’t sure what you are looking for. Sometimes it really does take just sitting down and writing this stuff out to see what you really care about.

I understand how you feel. I don’t think it’s the wandering you are sick of, as much as the lack of meaning. It’s like college. Many will say that was the best time of their lives, but few would go back no matter what you offered them.

It can be a grind- drinking the same crappy beer with the same people you probably don’t actually like much. The same fleeting romances tempered by the question- is there actually something there, or is it just circumstances? The same jobs where nobody really cares what you do and there is no way to move forward or even backwards. Without a sense of purpose, you really do just pass in and out, leaving surprisingly little to show you were ever there. Your life becomes about the next night out, the next week, the next time you can move on.

You can see it in the lifers. They are not often the dashing adventurers you’d expect. Too often, they are rather sad figures, hanging out with people half their age, drinking heavily, chasing chump change, visiting prostitutes and growing old with nothing that means much to them.

I think you need to sit down and figure out some goals. If you don’t want the house and kids, that’s cool. But you need to figure out something you are moving forward to. Then figure out what kinds of job would give your life more meaning while letting you keep the freedom you seem to value.

12

That’s exactly how I felt about teaching ESL abroad after having done it a few years.

13

How is having a preference for a certain lifestyle not healthy? Your comment makes not sense at all.

14

i say just figure out what is most important to you in life, and then go for it. If you can’t do what you love in life then do something that you can tolerate to be able to do what you love. My point is that only you can ask this question by doing a little “soul” searching and asking yourself the question “What do I really want from life?”

15

dude, I’m heading ‘home’ after 20+ years. You don’t want to wake up at 40 and realize all you’ve got is teaching ESL overseas as an option.

I did the MBA at 30 and then left the US for 20 years. I’ve been a scumbag equity derivatives salesman, struggling small business owner, a consulting manager, and now a global 50 cubicle slave. I liked all of those a lot better than ESL teacher and made considerable more money. YMMV

again, my point is you want the OPTION of not being that ESL hack teaching 4 year olds English and struggling to pay rent in a country you don’t care about and where the babes want either a) young guys or b) a meal ticket and you are c) a washed up expat with not much more than a backpack and a thousand bucks between landing for life in a Thai prison 'cause you listened to ‘some dude who would never steer you wrong’ or d) a barely functioning alkie

I’m just saying…YMMV :wink:

16

To take a bit of a different tack.

You have a reasonable lifestyle it sounds like to me. How many people sitting here reading the computer in the US and working as a cubicle drone can say they have no debts, some savings, and insurance? Most cube pod people I worked with have practically nothing as savings and several credit cards they are paying upon. And are unhappy with being a cube pod person.

Keep on saving money, keep with no debt, perhaps try finding something other than ESL that you can do while still traveling if possible. If you absolutely feel like you need to try the going home and being a cube drone, give it a try but do not go into debt, or spend your savings, or drop your insurance, don’t get a pet or do anything permanent for at least the first year. Treat it like one of your expat ESL gigs and see if you feel that doing the cube drone thing is filling a need. If not, job hunt in borabora or wherever.

Nothing says that you have to return home and be a cube pod person droning on in a cube somewhere is the be all end all of existances. Some people are designed to get a job abroad and do a life that is different. Look at Siam Sam, he seems to be pretty happy in Thailand.

17

I’m 38. I left the USA after 9/11 when my day job went away (along with my insurance). I have taught ESL overseas, but most of my time has been running my own software business. Is there any way to improve your income where you are? I’ve had a good income and have saved far more than I could have in the USA, but had that not been the case, I’d have moved back for a better job.

You don’t want to be teaching English when you are 40… I know a guy here who is about 60 and still teaching English and he’s probably the most miserable person I know.

18

You know there is a lot of room between “feckless international drifter” and “cubicle drone.”

I’ve been teaching for four years. Luckily, being a part of the Peace Corps has added depth my my experience because I’ve taken my commitment to community development seriously and used my free time to work on programs that improve my community. My work has become my life and my joy. I can’t imagine how empty it’d be if I was just here wasting time, paying rent and living for moment-to-moment pleasure.

Look at the people who are living the kind of life you’d like to have, and then ask them how they got there.

I’m headed home to get an MA in International Development, which should put me in a position to go back abroad, but this time with a salary in dollars, retirement plan, and career ladder to climb. Most of all, I’ll be doing work that is meaningful and fulfilling to me.

If you are less of a bleeding heart, you could look into business. Many international businesses need an on-the-ground man who knows the language and culture to help them out. Or, if you are more of a cowboy, look into what business opportunities you have. If you really do dig the teaching gig, what does it take to start a language school? Or if you love meeting travelers, what about opening a hostel or expat restaurant?

If you do want to give home a shot, teaching still provides you with plenty of time to travel. Or ask some long-term travelers what kind of job they do that allows them to travel for long periods of time.

Finally, if you decide you don’t really want a big change, try to at least set up some mini-goals- try studying for a language exam, or try to get some travel writing published. It sounds to me like you are realizing there is more to life than how happy you are tonight. I think that’s a good thing. Think bigger!

19

Firstly, my apologies, I suddenly had to rush out the door and I didn’t have the time to reply or read the thread immediately. I’m making up for it now, though, and am delighted by so much good advice - it helps, even when you contradict each other. :slight_smile:

It’s funny how I feel pangs of envy at friends with careers and nice houses, whilst those friends often tell me they envy me and my “exotic life”. I think almost everyone, even those with fabulous careers, has days on which chucking it all to run a beach bar on the Bahamas seems like a great idea. But I’m willing to bet almost all drifters sometimes dream of their own little house and not always living out of a suitcase with their stuff spread over several countries. Someone took me to Ikea the other day - big mistake!

I do agree with even sven and others that it is not as black and white as “drifter” vs “9 to lifer”. However, it is still tricky for a drifter like me to just give up having no responsiblities as I have lived that way all my life. Actually, teaching for me has been a step forward as it is something that I am actually interested in and I’ve found that doing something I actually liked for a change has made a big difference to my life. I’ve also been fortunate in that my school is near a very good university so that I’ve mostly had bright, interesting and very teachable students. In fact, I kind of suspect many of students are on some Italian version of this board somewhere; my work is no hardship.

As noted ESL teaching can be rather limiting, though, and as any ESL teacher will tell you, it’s a bit of a racket here in Italy with very little real career options even if there’s generally enough work to be able to get by. But there’s no pension, no future, no progression and I don’t think I can to live like this for the rest of my life.

As I do enjoy the teaching part, though, so am considering getting “proper” teaching qualifications (I only have month of TEFL training) which would yield proper jobs with career progression etc. Problem is that these would probably only be valid in my country of origin, which is the Netherlands, so I’d be “stuck” there. Having said that, there are a many worse countries to live in (I know whereof I speak here) and the holidays for teachers are long enough to allow a fair amount of travel. It’s the current plan, but it is the one that is making me feel slightly fenced in just thinking about it.

I like aruvqan’s point that, as long as I keep out of debt, the decision is reversible - ESL jobs will always be there. I’ve been telling myself much the same thing. I’m also hearing those people who said that I should attempt to find as job which allows me to travel as part of the job.

Many thoughts, many thanks, still thinking.

20

All that X is the new X-Y stuff is bullshit. Certain behaviors that are acceptible in your teens and 20s get downright creepy in your 30s and 40s. The reason is that young people are expected not to know any better and be in the process of figuring shit out. As you start getting up there in age, you start to look like a person who not only can’t figure their shit out, but who really doesn’t want to.

Well, I think what sounds unhealthy is that the OP sounds like he wants to change his lifestyle but is unable to. And a lot of it depends on what that particular lifestyle is and why an individual chooses to live that way. Is the OP living the way he does so he can explore and travel and experience new things or is he hiding from any sort of responsibility, commitment or meaningful relationships? And if the latter, why?
I can’t tell the OP what the “right” lifestyle is for him. In the US, there is an expectation that people go to college, find some corporate job, get married, buy a house, have kids and climb the corporate ladder. But for many people that lifestyle leads to a lot of unhappiness. Their mortgage causes them to become a serf to the bank and forces them to work a job they hate. They may be unhappy with their marriage and the stress of raising kids. They may face societal pressure to “keep up with the Jones” and conform to their coworkers and neighbors. Essentially, their life becomes a prison they have built for themself.

OTOH, people generally want to have close friends and that takes time to build. People like having a home they can call theirs. I think most people would at least want to find a companion they can share their life with.

How do you picture your life when you reach your 40s?