Here’s the thing, did you get a friend vibe or a romantic vibe? Are you two trying to start off as friends and see where it is going to go? My big problem with the idea is that it will either work very well or crash horribly. I just asked a female friend of mine who is doing online dating what she thinks. She said it was a bit over the top. I think you have a big chance of ruining your chances with the gesture before you even open your mouth.
Loach and everyone , I appreciate the feedback.
I’m getting a romantic vibe from her based on what she is saying over text. I know my from my past relationships I fall fast and hard for someone (therapy has helped with this) and I don’t want to “fall” for her before I get to know her in person, not just over text and the phone.
However I also tend to get stuck in the “Friend Zone” So I want to spend as little time there as possible.
Normally I’m bad at getting dates and find it hard to talk to women. I find it very easy to communicate with her so I know that is clouding my judgement.
I’ve found out a few of her favorite things and I know she likes flowers.
My better judgement says to listen to the majority and ixnay the flower but if I ignore my better judgement then I will keep it in a bag with me that has things I can drink (had WLS surgery) and if things go good give it to her at the end of the date.
Remember that women smell desperation like dogs smell fear. Desperation is not attractive. Don’t push too hard. Relax. Have fun.
Oh I have no intentions of pushing anything. I’m sitting back thinking that she seems to be pursuing me which is a nice change. Yes I replied to her personal but she has been very forthcoming more than anyone I’ve tried to have anything with.
NO FLOWER!!! Just in case you are still considering it.
Wait a minute…you told her to find you by what color PANTS you are wearing?
Ok, here’s the problem with THAT…unless the pants you are wearing are going to be distinctive and different (like, lime green or a bright red plaid, both of which should be avoided like the plague and if you own anything like that you shouldn’t be dating) most men wear basically one of three colors…Khaki, blue denim and black. And they are shockingly unable to verbalize any distinction other than light or dark. So the odds are there will be ten other guys wearing the same general color pants, and she will be staring down at people’s legs, not up at your face.
Better to mention the color shirt you are wearing.
I once had a date with a guy whose picture I hadn’t seen (ah, the early days of internet dating) and he said he’d be wearing a black jacket. Yeah, him and every single other guy who walked into Borders that night.
This is, without question, my favorite reply of this thread. Bravo, even sven.
“Because you’re a woman, here’s a flower.”
I don’t mean to pick on MannyL or anybody else for their own opinions on the matter. I just had to comment, because this reply said exactly what I was thinking in very vague ideology, lacking the words to describe it.
See, this is a great example for why you should get to know her before you bring her a flower (or flowers) - while I would appreciate the gesture, I hate dyed daisies. A bouquet of them would not thrill me.
No on the flower, but a pretty combo is Japanese Iris, babiesbreath and whatever that stupid fern is that is commonly used in bouquets in the US.
Many people can have negative responses to flowers, though generally the iris is pretty safe [frex, I detest roses - the ex-fiance that was abusive used to get me roses as an apology after hitting me.] They also make very good faux irises, in case you opt for a nonliving flower in the future.
I smiled at that too.
Most women I have dated have liked getting flowers on occasion. A few hated cut flowers and would be put off by it.
If you were picking her up at home, yes. Meeting in a public place, no.
I’m a romantic old softie, and would have brought something like a single rose or orchid. And if she considered that dorky, she wouldn’t be someone I’d want a relationship with. But I do realize the impracticalities of that, and assuming the date went well, I’d send here a really gorgeous bouquet the following day.
Oh, and for future reference: just because her favorite color is purple, doesn’t mean her favorite flower is purple.
I do agree in general, but when I think about it too much it seems like overanalyzing a social custom. To me, it sounds a lot like saying
“Should I say ‘hello’ when I meet someone the first time?”
“That sounds to me like ‘I’m going to pull out all of the stops because you, as far as I know, most likely are another person.’”
Again, I think it is certainly a silly social custom that I personally don’t follow, and I’m not one for chivalry, but I think analyzing it in that way is as silly as analyzing the action of shaking hands or bringing a gift of wine when you go to a dinner party as being patronizing.
Nope, I don’t agree with you, Jragon. The point in that post is that the man is expected* to bring the woman a flower, and the woman is expected to bring … nothing.
- According to the old-timey customs. Not according to the SDMB, apparently.
You wear a fresh rose every day? Are you serious?
[Quote=MannyL]
My better judgement says to listen to the majority and ixnay the flower but if I ignore my better judgement then I will keep it in a bag with me that has things I can drink (had WLS surgery) and if things go good give it to her at the end of the date.
[/quote]
A flower in a bag all evening will not be in the best shape, and I would be more weirded out by “Here’s a present that I was saving to give you if things go well.” Bring a single flower on the second date! That would feel a lot more personal to me.
Yes, I’m serious. In the summer months they’re from my garden, the rest of the time they’re from a supermarket. A bunch of a dozen sweetheart roses go for about £5,00 and keep me going all week. Stick them in a vase at home and pluck a new one on the way out of the door every morning.
Another no vote. It’s too much for someone you’ve never met.
Ok so I’m back from the date and…I went with my gut (which is smaller) and my heart and did a purple rose.
I did it for the following reasons
- We’ve had two conversions go over three hours
- We’ve texted for four days for over three hours
- I knew she was meeting at the comedy club and would have a car near by
So she met me outside the comedy club. We hugged and chatted some more. Both of us were comfortable with each other. Then we went inside and I used the free passes that I had then I escorted her to my table where there was a single purple rose. I had purchased the rose a half hour earlier and had one of the wait-staff put the rose at my table (I have the same table every time I go)
She did appreciate the flower. She did say I didn’t need to but it was a nice thought. When we were leaving the club another patron commented and she said yes he is a keeper.
We went to our respective cars then went to a local coffee place that was packed with no room to sit so after sitting outside in the cold she suggested going to one of our cars. She chose mine because it was bigger. We talked, listened to the radio and held hands.
I felt it was a good night and she does want to see me again.
Congrats! Sounds like you guys hit it off well. Glad to hear you went with your gut. While I did vote “no,” because it’s the safe choice, if you’re the type of person who thinks a flower on a first date is a sweet gesture, you probably want to find someone who thinks so too.
Good job, Manny! The thing about advice is, you never know. You posted on this board, got entirely shot down, and went ahead with your original plan.
I have a lot of respect for that, but why did you reject a 59-22 vote? Seems like you were bound and determined. Why did you ask?