Should I go to work today?

In My Humble Opinion
1

I’ve been advised by my doctor and my manager to take the rest of the week off after a little meltdown I had yesterday.

I’m 10 weeks pregnant after 2 1/2 years of trying, 1 known miscarriage, 12+ months of no ovulation and finally fertilty treatments (hormone injections) and tada! A healthy pregnancy is finally underway!!!

I was incredibly nervous and worried about the viability of this pregnancy, after trying for sooo long and all the uncertainty about whether I could get pregnant, and the hormone treatments certainly did a number on my resilience and stability too. Plus I’m 35 so my biological clock was hammering away.

Anyway I’ll certainly admit that my base stress level was pretty high, sleep patterns are crazy and all that nausea and exhaustion, but I was still keeping up with work, probably not as focussed as usual but definitely not underperforming.

I work in a large public hospital as an accountant and my job is to provide support to specific programs within the hospital, 3 months ago, I was posted to the most challenging program, because I was considered the strongest in the team.

The service director of that program has a reputation for being a nasty bitch, and many people shared their stories with me of how she had tried or was trying to force them to resign, including her PA! At the time I took this information on board and tried to be understanding without passing judgement as I really wasn’t having that many problems with her and I didn’t want to start!

She was certainly difficult, demanding and would demean me in front of other staff, which I thought was unprofessional but not unforgivable given that she was under a lot of pressure herself.

Then, she started to say that, while she was happy with my work, she needed more resources and would be approaching my managers to discuss this, which was fine. The program was significantly overspent in August (think $500K) and she arranged a meeting with my managers about my performance, highlighting supposed mistakes I’d made and tasks I hadn’t followed through with. I’m not saying I’m perfect, of course I make mistakes but every specific example was either a gross exageration or a lie! I debunked all of them, it was just rubbish.

When I met with her post this meeting she was adamant that the meeting had not been to complain about my performance, just the lack of resourcing. She said she was happy with the work I was doing and did not want to change accountants - so either she’s lying to me or my managers are. I surmised that she will say anything to get what she wants and she just dragged me through the mud to campaign for more resources.

She then upped her expectations dramatically, my workload became outrageous, I would need to work 75+ hours per week to meet them and the most I could manage was 50 (tired, nauseas etc) so I started to really fall behind. I think she had two purposes, 1 to demonstrate that she needed more resources and 2 to try to shift the blame for the overspend to me (I must have built the budget wrong etc - despite the fact we went through it together in detail and she holds ultimate responsibility.)

At first, I’d cry like once a day at work, and over the next two weeks of long hours, unrealistic performance targets, criticism and pressure this escalated to twice a day, to after work, to waking up at 3am and crying - it just kept going. I saw a counsellor, spoke to my managers every day about what was going on and did everything I could to keep it together.

On Monday, after another bitchy meeting and an email from her with 64 hours of work she wants done this week I was just obliterated, cried from 3:30 - 5:00 am on Tuesday morning, finally calling a crisis counselling line and then went to work and just kept bursting into tears - was supposed to have my performance review at 10am - after which I intended to go home, but my managers delayed it till the afternoon and I just wasn’t going to make it, so I told them I was not ok and that I would be going home. We ended up discussing it then and they were really supportive. They’re going to transfer me to a different portfolio (but not address the problem which is bullying and unrealistic expectations.)

I realise that to get to that point I must have been pretty stressed out but I really feel okay this morning and I have so much work to do I just can’t imagine not going in - should I take the advice and stay home? This is my worst case scenario, a period of extended stress leave in my mind is the worst outcome for everyone and the outcome I was trying to avoid (I know it’s only 4 days but more than 1 day is extended to me!)

Any advice?

2

Sheeeeesh, if I were you and were at all able to, I’d quit the job, have the baby, and worry about getting another job when the baby (and you) are settled, healthy, and happy. No job is worth what you just posted; given how difficult it was for you to get pregnant, I’d push everything aside and concentrate on having this baby.

Put it this way: a job is just a job. In 20 or 30 years, are you going to even remember this job? Probably not. On the other hand, in 20 or 30 years, you will definitely remember this baby, and you absolutely do not want to jeopardize your health or the baby’s health in any way. I know it’s hard to let job responsibility go (I’ve had a heck of a time doing it at times that are nowhere near as stressful as you describe), but sometimes you just have to.

So, in other words, don’t go to work today. Stay home, think happy thoughts about the baby, plan the baby’s room, think about how cute your lil’ guy or girl is gonna be, put your feet up, and stop stressing!

3

Don’t quit. Get fired. Make sure to document all the harassment from the bitch. You’ll at least get unemployment. IANA lawyer, but it sounds like you would have a lawsuit going if they fired you. You should be eligible for maternity leave soon, so if they fire you before then you can sue them for trying bypass maternity provisions. If they fire you during your maternity leave they still have to continue any benefits you would have received, and you should be able to sue them for attempting another end around.

But the big thing to remember is this: This is a trivial problem compared to the ones you are about to face.

4

ADvice? You can find this in IMHO, where opinions reign. Not so in GQ. MOved.

samclem Moderator

5

Since your doctor and your manager are recommending you take the day off, take it. Then go back and talk to your manager. Explain that the harassment is causing stress that is not good for your pregnancy and ask to be reassigned immediately.

Your manager will likely take up the hint (harassment+health=lawsuit) and you’ll probably find yourself in a new position PDQ. Involve HR if you need to.

It may or may not brand you as a troublemaker, it depends on how much your manager has your back. But that isn’t the important thing right now.

6

How important is this job? Do you have a working spouse or a significant amount of savings? If so I’d walk out and never look back. If you are the only breadwinner in your family right now or you are in massive debt and you need the income I would then take the stress leave and use that time to put together what you are going to say to management about being reassigned or reworking your schedule to no more than 40-45 hours.

It sounds like you’ve invested a ton of time and money into this pregnancy because you really, really want a child. Don’t screw up your body or otherwise put your child in danger because you want to prove something to the office bitch or you will never forgive yourself.

7

Thanks for all your advice, I’m kind of worried about my reputation (health is a pretty tight industry where I live) but I figure that as long as I prove myself in my next portfolio and after taking 6 months off for mat leave people should pretty much forget this little fracas (big deal for me, but probably pretty insignificant to everyone else.)

I have really great rapport and support from a lot of other people in the hospital, who are really impressed with the work I’ve done with them so I sincerely doubt that I’ll have the same issues in the future.

I am the equal breadwinner but I probably could take the time off (we have enough saved to survive a couple of years with neither of us working and both my partner and I are both on good incomes) and I’m sure I could pick up contract work in the interim but the truth is that I’m a professional and I would prefer to continue to work in some capacity - I’m secretly dreading mat leave and have already signed up for daycare :slight_smile:

My managers were really supportive once I explained to them how much distress I was in, sending me home and telling me to take the rest of the week off. I think it’s really up to me now and I don’t want them thinking that I’m “giving up”.

I’m taking today off to think it all through. Thanks again for your advice, it gives me a lot to think about and I really appreciate it!

8

I’d say take the time off, but get your doctor to give you a note saying that he or she recommended it for the health of your unborn child.

Edit note: Guess I’m late to the thread, but I’m glad your managers were understanding.

9

I don’t have any advice better then you’ve received, but just wanted to say congratulations. We’re in our third year of TTC with three losses (last was an ectopic so I lost my left tube), three failed IUI’s, and now we’re doing IVF this winter. I can imagine the stress you must be under with this pregnancy and wish you all the best. Take care of yourself and your babe first and foremost.

10

You’re pregnant. That makes you “disabled” and your employer must make reasonable accommodation to meet your “disability.”

See Facts About Pregnancy Discrimination | U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission

Talk to an EEO counselor now.

11

Is there any way you can go back to your old program? It sounds like you were doing well there, but I have no idea how that kind of thing works.

12

OMG - disabled! LOL

Thanks for the link - it was interesting to see the aspects around the reasonable accommodation - I guess that includes a reduced capacity to handle unreasonable working conditions.

Good luck EmAnJ, IVF is a real challenge, I’m really glad I didn’t have to go through it but it has really good outcomes so my fingers are crossed for you!

I’m still not sure exactly what they’re going to do, we’re pretty short staffed (constantly) and it’s very disruptive to shuffle portfolios so it may be a couple of months till I can be transferred, but I do feel much better after talking to my managers and knowing that we’re moving toward a solution as really nothing changed for those two weeks and that was also freaking me out.

I’m going completely spare at home so am definitely going to work tomorrow!

13

If your doctor says you cannot work, you. cannot. work. They will make do without you. Follow doctor’s orders–he’s a freakin’ doctor, he knows better than you what health consequences overwork could have for your pregnancy. Truthfully, you *should *get a doctor’s note putting you on a strict 40-hour schedule for the remainder of your pregnancy (although I doubt you will).

It sounds like you have put a lot of your self-image into your job, but how will you feel if the stress drives you to a miscarriage? All those stress hormones are not good for the little bun in your oven, capiche? You are not just working and living for yourself anymore. Your baby is more important than this job.

Nobody is irreplaceable. Not you, not even the president of the hospital. You have it on good faith from the personal assistant to this bitch that she does this to everybody. So stop taking it personally, continue demonstrating your added value to the people who will listen, and do what you need to do for you. Which is mostly to chillax. Do you have any hobbies outside your job? You sound like an ultra-perfectionist Type A who just can’t stop moving for anything. There are outlets for this kind of attitude other than work.

Sorry if I sound condescending. But I think you already know what you NEED to do. You just refuse to do it because you have so much of yourself wrapped up in this job, and that’s frustrating from an onlooker’s perspective.

14

I can imagine that you’re a driven professional who has up to now always pushed yourself to do your very best at the job you have. The situation has now fundamentally changed. Your body is working hard at being pregnant and your hormonal balance is seriously screwy compared to what you’ve been used to. You need to take it easy for the sake of your mental health, your developing baby, and your changing body.

The service director is taking advantage of your professional instincts. She’s not playing straight with you – if you’re right that she’s using you as a way to play politics with her budget and resources, it’s in her interest to overwhelm you and break you. It’s up to you to calmly decide what effort and time you’re willing to provide, and then to firmly hold to those boundaries. If she wants more than you can realistically give, she can suck an egg.

If your doctor put you on bedrest for the remainder of your pregnancy starting tomorrow, what would they do about your job responsibilities? Maybe they should do that now anyway, and you do work that won’t put you in an impossible, Machiavellian situation.

It sounds like your professional reputation is strong, and hers is guarded. Don’t let her set you up for a fall that would damage you down the line.

Now put your feet up, breathe deeply, and look forward to the sensation of that little one swimming around inside you!

15

I’m a Chemical Engineer by training. One of the things which was heavily emphasized by my school was Safety; one of the things we were told as part of safety training was

“You’ve got a problem: you’re all serious, responsible, conscientious workers. While that’s a good thing, it means that you’re going to have a hard time learning when not to go to work. If the walls are moving, if you’ve got a fever, if your back hurts so much you want to rip your own spine out, you are in no condition to drive, much less to do your job.”

That bitch you’re working for is not worth your health and the health of your child.

16

I agree that you should put your physical and mental health first. You need to keep yourself sane and healthy and in good shape for this baby. Absolutely take your doctor’s advice and stay home and rest, emphasis on the REST.

If your employer is covered under FMLA (in the US, over 50 employees, etc) I believe the rules are that have to accommodate this kind of thing.

17

Nope. FMLA applies for taking leave because of pregnancy. The OP just wants her stressed reduced at work while pregnant. That’s where the Pregnancy Discrimination Act kicks in.

18

Update and thanks:

Ok so I took Wednesday off and then went in on Thursday, after a bit of haggling my manager convinced me to go home and to take today (Friday) off as well, so I can return on Monday well rested.

Firstly, I think big props go to my manager for being incredibly supportive and considerate - I am absolutely blown away - secondly have come to the conclusion that the Service Director is a psychopath and I need to stay as far away from her as possible!

Why is she a psychopath:
Glibness/superficial charm
Grandiose sense of self-worth
Pathological lying
Cunning/manipulative
Lack of remorse or guilt
Shallow affect (genuine emotion is short-lived and egocentric)
Callousness; lack of empathy
Failure to accept responsibility for own actions

Tick tick and tick!

The fact that so many people at work feel the same way that I do about her - including her own PA - is pretty telling.

I think she honestly believed that she could bad mouth me to my managers and then lie to my face and have me buy into it - and I also think that, while my pregnancy hormones are probably enhancing my emotional response the response itself is still valid and my instincts are saying RUN!

I wanted to update so I could say thank you to everyone who took the time to give me advice - getting all of your different opinions and perspectives was really helpful and I’m in a much better place now than I would have been without it - so THANK YOU!!!

19

Always nice to hear a happy ending. And you’re very lucky that your boss is so great. I mean, you could always have the psychopath for a boss, and then you’d be truly fucked! x_x