In which, I get hauled into Human Resources

In My Humble Opinion
1

At my place of work, everyone pretty much gets along. We don’t directly impact the others work very much so it makes for a rather pleasant environment. However, we do get many breaks which does start the rumor mill going. Rumors spread about everything. The new uniforms, the racing season, the new TV’s, you name it. Pretty much everything is open game.

A girl I have known for the 2 years I have worked there is now pregnant. To say she is hormonally unstable is an understatement. We had, what I perceived to be a minor falling out. We spoke about it, I thought the issue was closed. However, afterwords, she would not speak to me, and went out of her way not to speak to me. I asked a mutual friend if it was related to me or other issues. Well, her baby shower came along and shockingly, she hadn’t offended everyone quite yet and it went off rather well, however, another friends feelings were hurt because the Hormonally Unstable Pregnant Girl (HUPG) never thanked her and was rather dismissive towards her afterwords. A week later, I get a very nasty voicemail from HUPG essentially telling me she wants nothing to do with me.

Okidoki. I comply. When asked, I tell folks I’m not discussing it. When told that THEY want to discuss it, I ask them not to include me, that my hands are washed of it. Yesterday, the dismissed friend had a talk with the mutual friend that I was not, and am still not privy to the discussion. I worked in a separate room from all of them. Had no interaction with them, worked my shift and went home. I did call the dismissed friend to find out what happened and she was busy and it was a bad time to talk, so I really know nothing.

Today, I get a call from HUPG who tells me that she couldn’t stop crying at work and had to fill out an incident report and that she wanted to work things out so that we could work together. I told her I was under the impression that is exactly what has been happening because I have refused to discuss it with anyone. That I don’t care what anyone says I am basing my actions in regards to her on her statements and behavior, nothing else, she is a big girl and can be friends with whoever she wants to be friends with and obviously, I am not a candidate. I have not said ANYTHING to her at work about this. I have not been anything other than professional when dealing with her, even when she has been less than professional.

I call my friend who is a supervisor if this incident is going to concern me. What she failed to mention to me is that the incident report is about ME. I was also told that I will be hauled in with the room manager or Human Resources to work this out because now it is an HR issue. WTH? He did say that me not even being there today counts in my favor.

What the hell do I do? I can’t have my job be at risk for an immature, hormonally unstable pregnant girl. This is insane. I have done what I am supposed to do. I have not even called this girl at home or attempted to have any contact with her whatsoever.

She told me she was going to try to get the incident report removed, but that kind of thing doesn’t happen.

What the heck should I do?

2

First off, I’m sorry that your job might be on the line here. But … for all that you’ve written up in your OP, there’s just not enough information to give you any sort of usable advice as to what to do.

All you say about the original set-to is that it was, in your words,

From what has transpired since then, I think we can conclude that it was a bit more than a minor falling out for the pregnant girl. IMO, the best you can do is to refrain from discussing it with anyone else – it seems to me that there’s been some talking about things already and that may be a contributing factor to the pregnant girl’s filing an “incident” report. What exactly is an incident report, btw?

If you can, please try to keep from being worried until you meet with HR. Or try talking to your boss about it. It’s hard to try to give advice, because different businesses have widely varying rules in place for situations like this. Are you unionized? If so, you might try going to the union. In some businesses, things along this line would be handled by the direct supervisor.

I realize this isn’t much help, but I do feel for you, and hope that you’re able to resolve this problem without it causing more pains.

3

If HUPG filed a report, HR is simply covering their own butts by hauling you in to “resolve” the issue. If they ignored it and HUPG was eventually terminated, her lawyer might decide to drag in a claim that the corporation (through HR) was promoting a “hostile environment.” So this whole thing might be little more than CYA. It also might be a sincere effort by HR to try to resolve any friction in the office, but they will need to hear your side of the story before they decide what to do. In the Worst Case Scenario, HUPG has a patron in management and HR is about to find a way to hang you out to dry in an effort to avoid political repercussions.

As long as you have done nothing wrong (following the initial minor tiff), and especially if you have refused to discuss the matter with any co-worker, then either a sincere desire by HR to resolve conflicts or a perfunctory CYA by HR should result in no action taken against you. If it looks like a Worst Case Scenario building up, then you may need to consider retaining your own lawyer to clobber the idiots for wrongful dismissal if it comes to that.

At any rate, you can do nothing before you meet with HR, so I would not obsess on the issue. (If there is more information that you have not told us–and you are under no obligation to do so–then there might be other things going on, but it sounds to me as though you are simply going to be stuck explaining your side of the story, then getting a lecture on how we all need to get along.)

4

Sounds like somebody has a case of the Mondays!

6

I think that the best thing for you to do is act like you have forgot,(not blown it off-actually forgot) the past riff. Say something like “What? I thought that by my doing/saying X it was all resolved. I am at a loss for what more to do.” Don’t say any more about issue, and do not acknowledge that anybody else tried to intervene. Play dumb. CLAM UP BIGTIME. Anything you say will be forced into the HR perspective, and when that happens, even your boss will take their side.

If they ask you why do you think that somebody did something, say that you have no idea why they did it. Suggest misuse of therapeutic drugs, which may very well be the case, and hopefully, that will throw the onus back onto HR and get them off of your back.

If your friend is cracking up, HR will probably have noticed and is doing the CYA thing. Just let them have their fun, and go through their preset spiel. They love that so!
Sorry I can’t be of more help.

best wishes,
hh

7

Back when he worked as the Procurement Manager for a hospital, as Dad was going by the office of the HR manager, she called him in to see if he could help her with a problem. There was a doctor there, whose temp contract would be over in a week; HR had to give her a statement for earnings and a letter stating “since your contract is over blahblah MM-DD last day blahblah”, the doctor had to sign a receipt. You have to be given that statement and letter in any case; signing the receipt does not mean that you agree with the financial estimate or reason for firing, only that you got both items. Knowing that Dad had been a HR manager elsewhere for 10 years, the HR manager thought maybe the Doc (for whom this was the first job and who didn’t know a word about the legalities involved) would believe him; she certainly wasn’t believing her. The doctor signed and took the papers.

A couple weeks later, Dad got a letter to go to court re. a “Preliminary View” on a case of harassment involving human resources at the hospital and this doctor. He went, the judge asked him what had happened in such and such date, Dad explained it. The judge then asked to see the letter Dad had gotten, harrumped and proceeded to explain that the person who’d been sued was Dad (something the court secretary had not thought to write down), but given the perfectly open statement Dad had just given and that the doctor’s Labro History (obtainable from Social Security and handed in as part of her suit) showed it to be her first job, he was dismissing the case. Dad’s eyebrows were still hanging somewhere over the top of his head by the time he got home…

HR needs to run an investigation, but so long as they keep in mind that “being charged” is not the same as “being guilty”, and so long as you stay cool, nothing bad should come out of it. Just explain what you explained here, that the reason you didn’t want to talk with third parties was to keep from murkying the waters and that you’d be perfectly happy to be in better terms with this woman.

8

Remain calm and rational at all costs. As was said before, HR is obligated to follow up any personnel complaints, however spurious. It protects the company. In a normal world, your story as related here should be the end of it and HR will tell HUPG her complaint has no merit. If you are union, have your steward there with you as a witness. If your steward is an idiot, have your B.A. there with you.

9

I was pulled into our managers office today. Basically, I told him I haven’t had any contact with her since aug. 14th and that I have made it clear it is not a topic for discussion.

He told me that he was going to investigate it further and if he finds out I’ve said anything, that he would fire me.

So now my livlihood is dependant on a HUPG. I told him that it made me very uncomfortable to have my fate resting on someone who, IMHO, is very unstable. (which should be evidenced by her complete breakdown at work)

I was not given anything in writing. I’m unsure whether I should go to HR and file a formal complaint about her, or if the calls continue, to file a restraining order against her (I’m not sure how those work at work).

I have a friend calling an attorney to find out if they have the right to limit what I say on my own time. This company is maniacal about paperwork and they absolutely did not give me/show me anything. Our verbal warnings are in writing. This makes me think that it is an issue they can’t address formally, but they can scare the heck out of me informally. Either way, I’m not gonna play chicken.

I don’t know at this point if I would be better served going to HR and filing my own report or just waiting it out and hopes she pops soon.

Right now, I’m probably going to hang tight, find out if I have a legal leg to stand on and see what happens. If I get hauled into HR or fired, I’ll fight back more, but right now, I’m just too afraid for my job.

No, we are not union. It is also a rather rare job. So losing this job would mean I would basically get out of the business.

I don’t work again until Friday.

10

I don’t know about reporting her, but I would definitely talk to HR about your manager. He is making verbal, undocumented threats based on the words of a loon.

(Don’t accuse him of any wrongdoing, simply lay out what had happened and what he said and ask what the company policy regarding such events might be.
His willingness to go for your throat suggests (to me) some sort of background relationship that is not being made clear. I am not suggesting that anything improper has occurred between Mgr and HUPG, but his actions seem odd.)

As for HUPG’s private calls to you, simply tell her to stop the next time she calls. (If you have Caller-ID, use it to ignore her calls, but note the times so that you can relay the times and frequency to HR. If her calls persist, you can report her to the phone company rather than the police. This might be enough to get her off your back without your having to lodge a formal complaint against her.)

11

I haven’t noticed anyone saying this, but start writing everything down, now! Both what your manager said, and a record of all calls by HUPG.

Good luck.

12

So just what is it that you are supposed to have said?

13

Your manager sounds right out of order.

That is not a verbal warning, it is ‘conditional firing’

  • nothing about future conduct

Unfortunately a friend of mine is a very experienced HR director, and he has repeatedly told me that, provided you stick to the rules religiously, it is very easy to fire someone.

As Voyager said, keep a written record, but don’t let anyone know, especially your manager.

HR will probably talk to you, but it rather sounds to me as if your manager could, and would, ride rough shod over them.

I would be inclined to keep a low profile, HUPG will deliver and be off for a bit, and until then you can stay out of her way.

Incidentally, I have a suspicion that she regards you as some sort of ‘superior/senior/authority’ figure which would explain the telephone calls.

14

It’s even easier in the US. No rules to stick to. You can fire anyone for no reason at all if you’re so inclined.

15

Who hires and fires? I guess I’d be inclined to go to HR ASAP and tell them that you and the gal had a tiff that you had all but forgotten about, and now you’ve just received a termination threat because if it. Even if it’s your day off, go chat w/ 'em and see what they say.

You’ve been selected, hired, trained, and have experience; you’re a valuable investment and, provided your picture is accurate, this sounds about a sensible as buying a new bit of machinery and then smashing it for no reason at all. Replacing you will cost plenty of money in lost production, and search and training costs.

That’s just me, however, so caveat lector. I tend to be in the generally-finds-people-trustworthy-and-honest camp, so I’d be inclined to go to HR if someone was threatening me and usurping their territory.

Best wishes!

16

Fired if you’ve “said anything?”

Since we don’t have the whole picture, I’m not really sure what it is you could have said that would justify firing you at this point. Color me confused.

17

Yeah. I can’t imagine what someone could say in one altercation that would lead to firing without any previous warnings.

Well, I take that back. I can think of something. If you’ve called her “hormonally unstable pregnant girl” or made comments about pregnancy affecting her moods to her face (or if you’ve said it at the office at it got back to her), I suppose you could be in some serious trouble. That’s a big no no.

18

Time to update and post your resume on the better sites. :frowning:

19

I’m getting the kinda-sorta feeling there’s more to this than Auntbeast has revealed so far. For a manager to threaten firing for having “said something” re an interpersonal comment to loon girl is just a bit too over the top unless there’s some personal relationship between the manager and complainant or Auntbeast has a history of stirring shit up and this is the last straw. The manager sounds seriously pissed at Auntbeast about something beyond a run of the mill female hurt feelings squabble that offices have to deal with all the time and is using this oppy to whack her

20

The girl was crying so hysterically the manager on shift could not get her to talk for a long time. To protect the company, an incident report was written up. The manager that handled it told me what happened. He seemed genuinely freaked out. When she called me, she was being very irrational. Trust me, it was wierd. This was not your run of the mill, “She doesn’t like me.” stuff.

She is holding me responsible for things that I am not responsible for. She has been talked to several times through her pregnancy by her friends that she needs to chill out because she was being very mean and aggressive with people. I was not one of those people, btw. Her behavior has become more and more over the top as time progresses. She is now feeling the effects of that behavior from more people than me. It isn’t me that has done this, she has. Heck, I’ve even defended her to people many times. I have been on her side, even when things started going wonky, I still was trying to salvage our friendship. I let a lot of things slide hoping things would shape up for her.

Bear in mind, I just had a baby myself. She had I have had the same jobs. I know how hard the job can be when pregnant. Heck, turns out when I stopped dealing and allowed me to be a cashier, that wasn’t something they were supposed to do and they had to allow her to do it because they had allowed it for me. I was the first pregnant employee the department ever had. I took my responsibility pretty seriously. I knew I was going to set the tone for all future pregnancies. I never used my pregnancy as an e

21

Sorry, daughter hit enter.

I never used my pregnancy as an excuse for anything. I called in sick once during my pregnancy and actually worked the day I gave birth. I was most likely in labor at work. I didn’t call in sick, I didn’t plead for less work, I didn’t take extended breaks. I did my job. I also did it while maintaining a 46 hour work week and supporting my husband. It wasn’t easy, and I hope I never have to be in that situation again. I know how hard it is. Emotionally, financially, physically. Did I mention I had a high risk pregnancy?

Up until she involved Management, I have been very sympathetic to her and willing to wait out her anger to be friends once again. I am a pretty forgiving person. Ok, I am a very forgiving person. I’m also pretty darned understanding. I haven’t been mad at her over any of this, I’ve been hurt. I also feel horrible about it.

Like I’ve said, I was hoping that a resolution would come of this that would allow us to be friends again. I think the line has been crossed once you get management into your personal crap.