No advice, just an observation in regards to the comments that you need more than just sex.
Relationships are wonderful, but sometimes you just need a good ol’ piece of ass.
I find myself in very much a similar situation, with the added wrinkle that a good friend of mine is a call girl. (Her take on her job? “Eh, it’s not too bad.”) That’s something else to think about. Screening your potential, uh, freelancer, is good, but what if you wind up with someone you know knocking on your door? Sure the chances are small, but sheesh! Still, the temptation is there…
As for my situation, I live in the Bay Area, where single men grotesquely outnumber single women. I hate hate hate bars and nightclubs. Both just seem like expensive ways to invest in a headache whether from booze or noise. I’m a pretty presentable fellow with a sense of humor and a pretty wide social circle, but getting a woman interested in me below the neck is a task of Sisyphean proportions. And about as frustrating.
Still, I’d like to hear what you wind up doing.
I just wanted to say thanks to all those who took the time to respond to this thread. It really has been educational for me. I haven’t made up my mind yet, but when I do I’ll try to post it here. (I may be out of the U.S. for a while soon.)
I can relate to your position, I’m 29, single for several months now (after bowing out of a two year relationship), and pretty much ready to get some again. I have no moral problem with sex for hire, and even if I did I would like to think that I wouldn’t impose my “morality” on you. That said, I have a common sense argument that I haven’t seen from anyone so far. Here goes.
In all likelihood, you’re going to find yourself in a relationship that you care about sometime in the future. At some point, your significant other is going to say something womanly to you such as “You’d never sleep with a hooker… would you?”. It will happen. At this point you’ll have two choices:
Option 1) Close your eyes, come clean, and hope that she respects your honesty. Open your eyes and hope that she’s still there. Even if she is, and even if she really genuinely wants to forget about it, you’re still screwed (or actually not). It’ll eat away at her, if not every time she sees you, at least when you’re intimate. No guarantees, but I say this with a high level of confidence.
Option 2) Lie. Tell her what she wants to hear. Rationalize this by convincing yourself that you’re doing it to protect her feelings. No matter how good of a guy you are, I will guarantee that the reason for the lie is more than 50% to protect yourself. Sleep well with that thought running through your head.
Here’s another angle, based on the assumption that your future SO finds out about it one way or another. If there was something else you could do that would give you the same amount of pleasure as sleeping with a hooker, but would cause someone you care about the same amount of hurt as finding out, would you even consider doing it? I would venture to guess probably not, but I guess that’s based only on the fact that I know I wouldn’t. Sure, the fact that the hurt part is in the future makes it tougher to worry about but it doesn’t change the overall equation or your accountability for it.
This is, of course, one man’s opinion. Regard it as such, and do as you choose. Best to ya!
Hasta.
Woo-hoo! I’m into double digit posts! Does that make me some sort of official doper?
Lowellster, I think you may be over-estimating the fragility of your average woman. And really, any woman who doesn’t repect honesty about both the good and the bad stuff in her SO’s life probably isn’t the sort of woman a long term relationship is going to be possible with. Especially if your background is even remotely spotty.
Another thing to think sabout from your example…would you ask a woman the reverse question? Being a smartass, that’s probably what I’d do. (And yet, I wonder why I don’t date more often…) The consequences are potentially as dire, but I don’t think it would upset me nearly as much as it affects your hypothetical woman in example 1. Perhpas because I know a call girl that it wouldn’t upset me. I dunno. Your mileage may vary.
>>“Stay totally away from the street whores. They are bottom feeder junkies.”
Pure poetry.
If I had a nickel for every time my mother tried to pass on this advice, I’d be a rich, rich man.
http://www.angelfire.com/indie/brainingdamage if you don’t laugh yourself unconscious, your next steak is on me
I can’t let this sit.
Several of you have commented he should just go out and meet a nice girl and get it on. Like it’s that easy. Walk up to a stranger, “Hi, you’re cute, wanna fuck?”
Some of us guys are not able to pick up women at the drop of a hat. Some of us guys go years between dates, much less sex. I’ve tried lots of things. Bars and clubs don’t work for me. Two big turnoffs - smoking and drinking. A woman falling down drunk does not get me horny. I’ve had that opportunity. Getting puked on generally kills the mood. I’ve tried getting set up - NOBODY even tries, except my sister, and her efforts have been less than stellar. I got one date, and she wasn’t interested in me. Now all her friends are married, so that doesn’t help. (I’d hate to think what my mother would think is a good match. ::shudder:
I’ve even joined a dating service. One of those expensive video dating things. In three years I’ve gotten exactly one date, another woman call on the phone once, and once been picked by someone whom I was not compatible with.
I’m not ugly, I’m not fat. My pic is now even available here. I’m not mean, I’m not rude. I’m generally happy, friendly, and nice. I don’t do drugs. I bath regularly. I have lots of old married women tell me I’m wonderful. And I can’t get a date to save my life.
I’ve tried to “do what interests you” route. Let’s see, I’m an engineer for work (lots of single women there, right?), I’ve joined a secular humanist organization (is there anyone else there under 50?), I take karate (ooh, I don’t want to break a nail). Recently joined a science fiction book club.
Somebody want to tell me where are all these nice women that I’m supposed to be able to meet and get to go out with me? Because I sure can’t find them.
Baloo said:
Gee, $50 sure goes a long way toward finding Ms. Right. :rolleyes:
dragonlady said:
Any volunteers to “do a friend a favor”? Female applicants only. I know, I could get laid in a snap if I were gay. Sucks to be straight.
handy said:
If you want to see a naked girl for a few hours, go to a strip club. The problem is I don’t just want to see them, I want to hold them and touch them and kiss them and smell them and taste them and…
Icerigger said:
Just my opinion, but how can anyone be turned on by picking up a drunk woman in a bar. She will have sex with you because she’s out of control of her decision making, maybe not even conscious. She had a dozen before you and will have a dozen after you. AND SHE MIGHT PUKE ON YOU. How can any man want this? I don’t under any circumstances. - To each his own, huh. (Note: that says nothing about all the male sluts out there. Just turning the tables on the given opinion.)
Diane said:
Is that a volunteer? Actually, it’s not the sex, it’s the physical intimacy. I can get off any time. But I can’t substitute for touching and holding.
Note: I’m not advising Lizard either way on this. Other people have made some really good comments on why not vs. why so. I’m not saying I’d ever do it. But I really get worked up when people just causally advise others to go meet someone, like it’s a simple thing like going to the grocery store. No, it’s not. Anybody who thinks otherwise can go … this isn’t the pit. Try being me for a week. Then tell me it’s easy.
Damn, now I’m all worked up. And lonely.
Just posting to stress this point. It is 100% accurate, wearing 2 condoms virtually garuntees breakage. Atta Girl skugs.
Reading your post, Irish, I can’t but help notice that you seem a little bitter. I understand how you feel, since I too am in one of those dry spells. The difference for me is that it is imposed by my life circumstances right now. I have known several people who tried all the things you’ve tried and felt as you do. In every case the problem was internal. By that I mean that these guys had basic things in their life that they had not confronted and/or resolved. Sometimes they just needed to grow as a person, or develop some self-esteem. Even smart people who are really good at their jobs may have low self-esteem or hidden issues that need resolved. I’ve known a lot of engineers (I used to be an engineering student) and I can attest firsthand that they are also not known for their social agressiveness. I don’t know you, so I can’t say exactly what might be holding you back. The good part of all this for you is that it can all be overcome. You just can’t give up or let yourself get too bitter. I know what got those other guys I knew out of their ruts were one of two things: a-reaching outside themselves and their “comfort zone” for new experiences. And I mean radically new. One guy volunteered to work with poor people in Brazil for several months. Another hiked the Appalachian trail alone. Another started racing motorcycles.
b- Learn to be comfortable in your own skin. I had to do this myself. This means, simply, learn to be okay with being alone. From the tone of your post, you sound like you very much wish you weren’t alone. This is a sign of desperation, and that is never attractive. Look at yourself in the mirror and say “by myself or in a crowd, I am an okay person. I may not have a woman in my life, but that doesn’t make my life any worse than anyone elses’.” When you can get to the point where you truly believe this, you will find your life subtly changing. Women will start to treat you differently, because you have other things on your mind besides trying to get into a relationship. You’ll stop getting upset if you get turned down for a date, and just move on to the next prospect. Trust me, I know.
Again, let me say I know where your coming from. I was there. Even though I can’t get laid right now, I managed to escape the emotional trap you are in. If I can do it, you can too. Good luck.
Yup. Want to start a support group? It’s been . . . well, it’s been a while. The digits in my age last time I had a date were prime.
Now I feel like a pet dog. At least I’m not a professional cum catcher. That’d suck. Even though I’d like the idea of possibly getting off every night.
-The Shadowed One-
My roommate once wrote a story about this situation. Not that it has any real bearing on this, but I just thought I’d share…
Rather than looking in the paper or yellow pages for an escort, I would suggest a visit to http://www.thebigdoggie.net
I say this only because I was surprised to read a discussion about such individuals, and NOT see this link - which has listings, links etc. broken down by region and urban center.
Nothing better thaqn posting a bad link.
What I meant, of course, was http://www.bigdoggie.net
I don’t know about you but I never seem to have a problem hooking up with people. It seems even the oldest ugliest men that I know don’t have a problem either. Keeping the ones I liked in the past was the problem.
Lizard, if you want a quick get off of some kind join a JO group. I am sure there is one in your area. It is cheaper than a hooker (with no hooker stigma attached) and readily available in most towns and cities if you do some looking. Granted it will be predominantly guys (if it is in a straight environment…all guys in a gay environment) but it will get you off. Also since there is no oral or genital to genital contact the chances for you getting an STD are extremely slim. It is just hand to genital with whoever is there and willing.
I had a few friends who were prostitutes at one time. My crazy friend, John, was a prostitute for about 3 years. His other personality made him do it. He worked at an escort service and made good money. That is beside the point. According to him, it was a pretty demeaning job for both him and his clients. He had the countless guys who couldn’t get hard, get off, cried, or told them that they weren’t fags and if their wives found out what they were doing that they would come back and kill him, etc. The few guys who threatened him were summarily injured by the pimp or the pimps croneys. Hookers stick up for eachother. This would be a waste of your money if you weren’t able to at least get off and possibly it would be a waste if you got beat up if you irritate the woman. Don’t hire a prostitute. Sex is easy enough to come by even if you are dead broke and can’t go out to singles bars. Everyone has dry spells at some time or another.
HUGS!
Sqrl
I see nothing wrong with doing it but I would not do it where it is not legal because it would not be worth getting into trouble.
We all have dry spells and masturbation is a good exercise. My friend explains: “When I feel like I would pay money to a hooker, I take a $50 bill, fold it in 4 and put it on the floor, under my foot. Then I masturbate and when I’m finished I move my foot and say to myself ‘I just found $50’”
In my experience it is the need for conversation and company rather than sex. During thise lonely periods my need for sex seems to increase.
There are different ways of finding company and making friends of the opposite sex but it does require some time. Online is one of them.
This just might become my new sig…
so lizard, have you decided yet?
if go for it, will you tell us?
AHEM
"dry spell" was mentioned in this thread FIVE times!
Would you all PLEASE STOP referring to it as a “DRY spell”?!?!
If I read “dry spell” in this fucking thread one more time…
(Get it? “Fucking” thread! Hahahaha…Whaddya mean, stick to Shakespeare?)
Anyway, I’m obviously very defensive about the fact that it’s called a “DRY spell”.
Sheesh.
Thanks Lizard for your kind words. I’m pretty much aware of what you said already. Knowing and making a change are different things.
I’m not generally bitter about it, but when people go off on how easy it is to hook up, it frustrates me to no end.