Should I let my 13-year old listen to these heavy metal groups?

In My Humble Opinion
1

My son just turned 13 years old. Within the last year, he got the video games Guitar Hero 3 and Rock Band 2 (both rated “T”; we don’t let him play games rated “M.”) This has exposed him to a lot of music he’d never heard before, and he’s now obsessed with some pretty hard core rock and heavy metal music.

He likes the bands “Disturbed,” “DragonForce,” “Slayer,” and “All that Remains,” among others.

He got an iTunes gift card for his birthday, and has downloaded several songs by these groups. He also got some birthday money, and bought two albums by “Disturbed,” one by “DragonForce,” and one by Ozzy Osbourne. I haven’t let him open the CDs yet.

I’m concerned about all of this. Most of the kids who listened to this stuff when I was in high school 25 years ago were stoners.

The only criteria my wife and I have really established for our son is that he can’t buy songs on iTunes or albums labeled “Parental Advisory - Explicit Content.” The albums he wants don’t have this label, but other ones by these groups do.

My son is a good kid. He’s in Boy Scouts and gets straight “A’s.” Being smart, he’s probably perceived as being nerdy by his peers in school. When I asked him why he wants to listen to these groups, he says he just likes the sound of them. However, he also said that since he started listening to these groups, he’s gotten “more popular” in school. So he may be doing this to change his image in school.

It probably goes without saying that I don’t listen to this music. It sounds like a bunch of noise to me. That being said, I understand that teenagers want to listen to different music than their parents. (My parents were appalled when I started listening to Pink Floyd’s The Wall when I was 17.)

Should I let my 13-year old son listen to these heavy metal groups? I can remove the songs from his iPod and return the unopened CDs. However, I may just make them more attractive to him, and I’m sure he can listen to them via his friends. On the other hand, I can certainly keep him from listening to them around the house.

I’d really appreciate any guidance from other parents or anybody familiar with these groups.

2

He’s 13 and he’s listening to music his parents don’t like. How shocking!

Leave him alone and let him listen to what he wants. In time he’s not going to ask you for permission anyway. Better to let him get it out of his system now.

3

If you are intent on determining what your kid listens to, I suggest you avail yourself of the All Music Guide. They have descriptions of groups, albums and songs, and more importantly for your purposes they have parts of the songs available to listen to so you can decide for yourself.

As for his burgeoning musical tastes, they’re pretty tame by my standards so if you ask me I’ll tell you it’s no big deal. However, it’s your kid, so good luck to you.

4

I have a 13 year old son too and have dealt with exactly what you are dealing with.

Here’s how I chose to handle it…I am letting him make his own decisions when it comes to music as long as he isn’t listening to anything outright vulgar or demeaning. I hate most of the stuff he is listening too but I don’t make it a big deal.

I did give him the following scenario:

Let’s say I go to the dump every single day and I stand on a ladder in a big pile of stinking, rotting junk. I’m not standing IN it…I’m just standing on a ladder in the middle of it. It’s a hot day and the sun beats down on me all day long and the fumes rise. At the end of the day…do you think I’m going to smell like junk?

He said that I would so I said that in my opinion, him listening to just a few of these songs is like standing just above junk and sooner or later he will stink.

BUT I told him that if he feels the music he is listening to has value then I respect his decision to choose to listen to it but I want him to really ask himself what that value is and make an educated decision. For now he has chosen to listen to it and I’m allowing that to happen.

It is a phase/right of passage. I listened to stuff my mother HATED and the more she tried to censor my music the more I listened to it. Eventually, I decided some of the stuff I was listening to wasn’t for me and I tossed it on my own. My mother never said, “I told you so” and life moved on.

If his behavior/grades are where they need to be and you don’t notice him changing in negative ways then let it be. It will all shake out in the end and this isn’t a hill worth dying on. Those will come…

5

Did anyone else laugh at the fact that the OP says that the “stoner kids” liked listening to heavy metal and then mentions that he used to listen to Pink Floyd? :dubious:

In short, yes, of course you should let your child listen to “that kind of music.” Listening to Pink Floyd didn’t make you an unproductive member of society (I presume) and listening to some fairly mild metal music isn’t going to destroy your son’s impressionable little mind either. Just hope he gets over it before he discovers the really shocking music.:eek:

6

While it’s not your music and just noise to you, I’d suggest you listen at least once to the tunes your child is listening to as that small sacrifice is part of being a responsible parent. From your OP, I think you already know that and have been doing that.

When I was a teen I listened to/looked at/read some shockingly violent and sexual stuff - yet I grew up into a wholesome human being. So do most other people who listen to heavy metal. In fact, sitting here in my late 40’s, I have recently started to listen to some of it myself, including the venerable Ozzy and Black Sabbath and found that it’s not so bad as I once thought, and in fact, I even like some of it.

It sounds like he’s a well-behaved kid already - in which case it’s unlikely some heavy metal music will turn him into a raving psycho. Even the most well-adjusted, happy teen goes through crap during adolescence - don’t we all remember that? - and listening to “edgy” music my parents hated was one way I had to cope with it (except my parents professed to like everything I did, even buying their own albums of it, which made proper rebellion very difficult! What do you do with old farts who want their own copy of The Wall and seek to engage you dinner conversation about it?)

What outraged my parents wasn’t my music but some of my reading material. They informed me (at length, in detail, with footnotes…) of what they found objectionable or offensive, but at a certain point they started letting me make my own decisions on these things. You’ll have to figure out at what point your son is ready to start making those decisions, and you’ll have to live with the fact some of his choices won’t be the ones you’d make. Is he ready now? Probably not, or at least not entirely ready, but it might be time to start letting him make choices you truly don’t agree with.

7

Yeah, I can see that I’m probably coming across like an overprotective fuddy duddy. However, I’m in a bit of a transition here with my son at 13. I certainly wouldn’t him listen to this when he was five years old, and I certainly wouldn’t stop him when he’s 18. So where is the cutoff? 11? 13? 15?

Also, my concern is not the fact that I don’t like the music. My concern is the content.

Thanks very much for your perspective and input. Is there an easy way to determine if something is “outright vulgar or demeaning”? All I have to go on is the “Parental Advisory” label (or lack thereof).

8

If you don’t want to listen to the music, how about reading the lyrics?

9

Dragonforce is totally ok. Those lyrics are more like a story, kind of like Iron Maiden was. Slayer can be a bit foul mouthed. Distrubed I just don’t care for, cause they are played on the radio so much I am sick of them.

Seriously, I was quite the little metal head at that age and I graduated high school, got my bachelors, got my MBA and am doing quite well. (Well I suppose I am at risk of being laid off, but who isn’t?)

Music tastes do not make or break a person’s ability to achieve.

10

I went to a Dragonforce concert a couple of years ago, and it just seemed like fun speedy power metal. I don’t remember anything about it that would make me think it unsuitable for a 13 year old who enjoyed it. Haven’t listened to much of the others you mention though (I know I’ve heard some Slayer, but not enough to make any comment on it).

If listening to this music is part of a wider attempt at an image change, then stopping him from listening to it might not help much and wouldn’t address any issues you actually do want to avoid anyway (or would be counter-productive) - i.e. there is the possibility that a change in the music he listens to is an indicator of other changes, but if it is then it’s not necessarily the cause. On the other hand if he just likes the music as he says, then I don’t think there’s much to worry about. You say he’s a good kid, so you can probably trust him to listen to music he likes without changing his character/behaviour.

I probably started getting into metal a bit a couple of years after that, and didn’t have much any effect apart from a few extra cds on the shelf and sharing some common musical interests with a few more people. It’s not necessarily just a particular type that listens to this stuff - at my school I remember a few different people I knew were quite into metal; ranging from a couple of the ‘stoner’ types, through to a few of the more nerdy top-of-the-class types.

Let him rock on if he likes it :slight_smile:

11

What is it exactly you think is going to happen from your son listening to heavy metal? He will turn into a drug crazed sex maniac crack whore or something?

12

It sounds like your real concern is not the music, but where this music may lead him. If you are concerned about the drugs…talk about the drugs. That’s what parents are supposed to do.

Let him enjoy the music, and have a frank conversation as to what you are concerned about.

13

Yeah, not sure about the others, but at least as far as Dragonforce goes: power metal (being a pretty large sub-genre of metal) is typically full of cheesy fantasy-based lyrics. Often just quite goofy and fun rather than having any content to be concerned about. And also usually very melodic - so might be a bit easier on your ears if he gets into power metal than other metal (or plenty of other music in general)

edit:

This.

14

Disturbed isn’t that bad content-wise. There’s some “scary” stuff like “oo, turning into a demon, rawr” and obsessive love and all that, but it’s not really portrayed as being “real” or good. Oh, there is swearing. I’m sure he’s heard more than that from his friends.

One of their music videos is a pretty graphic one about suicide but it starts with the lead singer doing a PSA about depression and suicide and IIRC a number to call if you’re having a tough time. They even have a good sense of humor, doing covers of songs like Tears for Fears’ “Shout” and Genesis’ “Land of Confusion.”

Basically, he could do a whole lot worse.

I didn’t listen to metal as a teen but did later on. These days I’m in my late 30s, work in medical research, love metal (along with other genres), and am not a druggie. I’m also female, FWIW.

15

Masters-degree-wielding former-metalhead. Wife of a highly skilled nerdy IT professional, still a metalhead.

My mom took a hands-off approach, after yelling at me once for listening to music that objectified women and had a lot of cussing (Guns-n-Roses, iirc.) My defense? I was a non-swearing, environmentalist, religious, non-drugging, virgin. I just have a love for music with men with big voices and big screaming guitars. Still do, but I have much more of an appreciation for quiter music.

Just ask him to think about what he’s listening to and if it’s in line with his values. He might still like something that’s not very “positive”, but it won’t remain his favorite forever, and if you stay cool, he won’t listen to it just to piss you off ; )

16

Excellent idea. I looked up a couple of songs so far, and they seem pretty tame, actually.

The album artwork on Disturbed’s Ten Thousand Fists is…disturbing, though. :dubious:

Thanks for relating this.

Thanks.

Yes. :wink: Actually, my first instinct was to listen to whatever he wants to (except for the stuff labeled “Parental Advisory”), but after seeing the Ten Thousand Fists album on the kitchen table, my wife expressed concern. I told her I’d do some research to see if it was OK and appropriate for a 13-year old. And here we are.

I appreciate everyone’s input.

17

Excellent suggestion. We have talked to him about illegal drugs over the years.

Good point.

18

The way I determine it is I randomly will google the song and read the lyrics or I’ll ask my son what he thinks certain phrases mean or what he thinks about it. Or I’ll ask him what specifically does he like about the song.

It is just a hard transition time for them at 13. They aren’t little guys any more but they aren’t quite ready to be treated as an adult.

Trust me, I go back to the not a hill worth dying on line of thinking 100 times a day. Pick your battles. Music probably isn’t a big one to dig your heels in on.

I used to read absolutely everything and my mother never censored it but she gave me the freedom to decide for myself what I thought was worth my time. I’m sure some of the stuff I read she would have had a stroke over but I turned out okay.

19

The hooded scary dude up front is their mascot. The album has a lot of political themes, including the title track (uprising, unity), and “Deify” (clips from GW Bush speeches, lyrics decrying him), plus various anti-war commentary throughout.

Do check lyrics sites - some of them tend to be dodgy, so you can always Google band name, song title, then click the “cached” link on the Google result to only get Google’s cache, which should be devoid of trojans and pop-ups.

20

Well, there goes rock n’ roll. :frowning:

I don’t know about the groups mentioned in the OP specifically (I’d be a lot more worried if my kid was into Elton John), but I strongly suspect that attempting to ban access to them will make them powerfully attractive. If they’re objectionable to you, try grooving to them around the house - that’ll be a major buzz-kill for your teenager.

As far as Itunes “explicit” labeling goes, I can’t figure how they come up with this. I’ve bought songs that came with this label that were absolutely tame (i.e. mildly cheeky '60s stuff from the Bonzo Dog Band), while other material that could be viewed as really nasty had no label. Maybe they run the lyrics through some type of clueless computer software.