Should I Let My Son Pay For This?

In My Humble Opinion
1

Since, my husband died about 6 years ago, I have had a cleaning woman come in three times a week. She does the “heavy work,” the “deep cleaning” and so forth. When she first came my son and one of my daughters was at home. (the daughter has moved out, having finished her education)

Of course those two were like “Yeah a maid, we don’t have to clean our rooms.” I said, “No way, you both have to clean your rooms.”

I left her instructions, to simply close the doors to those rooms and I would see to it, they each cleaned their own rooms.

And that was that. But since last summer my son has been working a job on weekends and a few days after school. He’s going away to college this fall.

So my son, went to the cleaning woman and wanted to know how much she’d charge to clean his room. She, of course, asked me first.

I don’t know, on one hand, I don’t like how he asked her first. But then again, if he’s willing to pay her, I was thinking, why shouldn’t she earn a bit more if she can.

He pays for his own cell phone, the extra cost of having U-Verse in his room, he puts gas in the car, he buys his luxury clothes and such.

I’m not worried about him not paying her, and she’s a nice lady, so I’ll see to it, she doesn’t undercharge him.

I guess I feel kids should clean their own room. But then again, I’m not cleaning my home, well not the heavy deep cleaning anyway. I use the excuse, well I work. And so does he. He puts in about 25 hours a week. His grades are fine and he’s a real good kid in every other way.

Something about it though says, “no let him clean his own room.”

So what do you all think?

2

If he wants to pay for it, I don’t see why not. I also don’t see why it’s a problem that he asked her first - he wants to know what it costs, so he can see whether it’s something he wants to pay for. I think it’s great that he’s being responsible about it.

3

Let the kid make a choice. He can have cash or time, same as any grown-up. He’s going to need practice at making these decisions when he goes away to school, so I think you should let him start now.

4

Seems like a pretty grown-up and independent thing for him to do. I can’t imagine why you wouldn’t want to encourage that sort of thing.

5

If your motivation for wanting him to clean his own room is for him to learn responsibility, this way he’s still learning responsibility. He’s learning that he can do it himself or pay for it to be done, but under no circumstances is anyone else going to pick up after him just because. It’s still a good lesson to learn. And even though I don’t buy this argument about smoking or drinking, because you do have to be of age to do those things, the fact that you do it really weakens your argument that he shouldn’t do it.

6

Let’s see…

A kid who is 16 or 17ish, works on weekends, some days after school, manages his money well enough for (luxury) clothes, cable tv and cell phone.

Yeah, it’s very aparent to me that your kid lacks an unsderstanding of responsibility. By all means, make that lazy kid clean his own room.

FWIW, you seem like a good Mom, I’m just hoping my snark helps you see your OP for what it is.

7

Another voice for: you done a great job with this kid so far. What most impressed me was that he WANTS his room to be clean. Most kids are happy to live in a pigsty, but apparently you taught him standards.

Now it is up to him to treat the cleaning lady with respect, and there are plenty of lessons yet to learn in that. Respect for the cleaner means:
-Tidy up so she can clean,
-No porn or filthy underwear or pizza crusts or other TMI or private stuff lying about.
-He should get his own clean bed linen and put it on his bed if he wants her to change his sheets.

8

Totally agree, it’s very mature. I also think that going to the cleaning lady first was absolutely the right thing to do. In business, you don’t put a proposal on the table to the boss until you’ve done your research. Sounds like a good kid, and he’ll learn a little more about the value of what he earns.

9

I think it’s a great idea. I wish I had thought of it back then.

10

It seems to me that paying the cleaning lady with his own money IS cleaning his room.

11

OK you all see to have a point, I’ll inform him, his request is granted.

Thanks for the input. :slight_smile:

12

I completely agree that your son is a responsible kid and should be allowed to pay for the service.

But I have to ask: Heavy, deep, cleaning three times a week? I feel good if I clean the tub/shower/toilets twice a month.

13

I think you did the wrong thing at first if the adding of the cleaning of your children’s room is negligible to you in terms of money - it seems unnecessarily mean and using a power play over them for no apparent reason. You made your children bypass you, not communicate their intentions to you and go right to the cleaning person in-your-own-home.

You have set the example that it’s OK to pay for cleaning services and not clean up yourself, yet denied it to your children.

You have set up that if you deny him the ability to buy the services as you do you are seen as making their life intentionally hard for no reason.

Unless your plan is to drive them out to live on their own.

14

That’s unnecessarily harsh and not correct. When I had a cleaning lady, I did the same thing- kids did their own rooms. The idea is that I have already learned how to be clean, how to organize my stuff and how to take care of my environment. My children had not yet learned it, so they needed to. It is responsible to teach them those skills, for times in their life they can’t afford to have a cleaning lady and to be independent.

When those skills have been acquired, then it’s a choice whether to use them or not, as your personal preference is and what you can afford.

15

Looking at it from the other side, I can tell you that forcing a young man to clean his room does not mean that he will continue to do so once he leaves home. I couldn’t wait to get to a place where I could keep my own room the way I wanted. It doesn’t teach responsibility if you define responsibility as doing things your way.

He sounds like a very responsible kid. He should be able to do what he wants in his own room, even if that includes throwing things on the floor.

16

I agree with the general consensus, but want to add that his room will probably be cleaner now. Don’t you clean for the cleaning lady? When we had a service, we had to clean up all the clutter before they came, because who wants them to put stuff in random places in order to get at a surface to dust it.

17

Same here, it’s his money, and some guys (myself most certainly included) would rather pay than clean.

18

It may be an hour at a time – Monday the kitchen, Wednesday one bathroom, and Friday the other bathroom, plus the other work like vacuuming, dusting, windows. A good bathroom cleaning once a week doesn’t seem excessive.

19

I see it as a skill set. If they learn to be organized, how to keep things up, do laundry, vacuum, whatever,they have those skills. If they choose not to use them later, that’s their choice, but at least they a choice not just by default of never having learned how to do it.

20

Yes, I agree when it is presented like that. It’s a compromise. They should be taught and they should show that they know how but they shouldn’t be forced to do it exactly the way mom and/or dad says just because mom and/or dad wants the house to look the way they like.

When I left home I could polish a hardwood floor until it shone and I knew that dropping clothing on the floor would get me in trouble but I didn’t know how to work a washing machine. My kids know how to wash clothes but they’ve never had to polish a hardwood floor and I don’t care if they drop cloths on the floor, so I might have rebelled too far the other way.