Should I make my feelings clear to my teacher?

[Don_t_Panic]

@Mijin

Maybe a lot of people have been posting “NOOOO!!!” because your odds of success here are not good.

Jeez, if the kid was asking about some girl in his class, we’d be cheering him on. Did you miss the part about her being his teacher?

[Mijin]

@Martian Bigfoot

Jeez, if the kid was asking about some girl in his class, we’d be cheering him on. Did you miss the part about her being his teacher?

And? They’re both adults.

I dated my (previous) Mandarin teacher for 6 months. I think it was the best time of my life.

She changed jobs long before we broke up, but if she hadn’t, I would simply have changed teachers when the relationship went sour (as the OP can do, as it’s not a university course or anything).

[gallows_fodder]

Everyone who has been saying “Go for it, dude,” in this thread is a guy. They’re probably not thinking about how fucking awkward this fucking awkward dude is going to make his teacher feel when he tells her he’s in love with her because she smiles at him and compliments his hobbies.

EDITED TO ADD: This would be different if he were a socially graceful guy who felt a spark between him and his teacher, as the case may have been for those of you who have had a similar relationship.

[Scumpup]

I said no because I hoped to spare the tutor from an awkward scene. The OP’s humiliation is neither here nor there.

[handsomeharry]

@Alley_Dweller

Perhaps it was meant to apply to high schools, but the way the legislature worded it, it applies to colleges, too.

I didn’t see universities or colleges listed in the statute. Did I miss it?

[Stringbean]

My ex-gf told me about an English professor she had a huge crush on. She wanted to write him an email after the semester was over (so she was no longer technically his student), and basically ask him out.

I told her to do it, and she did. She never heard back from him.

[handsomeharry]

Under any circumstances, teacher, professor, or hooker, you don’t go spilling your guts about how you feel!!! You don’t even know her.
If she likes you, and you start crying about how much you love her, she will begin to detest you. Chicks don’t dig a wuss.

Disclaimer: If you look like Brad Pitt or some uber-stud, or rich, the usual rules go right out the window; do what you want. If, however, you are only mid-range handsome or less, grow up.

[Mr.Nylock]

@handsomeharry

Under any circumstances, teacher, professor, or hooker, you don’t go spilling your guts about how you feel!!!

Definitely not with a hooker, you might end up being overcharged. Business 101.

[Siam_Sam]

I don’t know why so many people are assuming the teacher is herself German. My experience is that it’s mostly Americans who teach the lower-level classes.

[Sunspace]

Whatever you do, do not say, “Das Mädchen ist einem Ungerheuer.” That’s one of the few things I remember from high-school German, and it means, “The girl is a monster.”

[Lucky_13]

NEIN! I always wanted to use the big font.

I wouldn’t do it if I were you, on account of you may be initiating a conflict of interest if she says yes, or setting yourself up for humiliation, or at least an awkward rest of the course, if she says no.

[kaylasdad99]

@Lucky_13

NEIN! I always wanted to use the big font.

But why did you use size 7 instead of, well, you know?

[MaverocK]

Firstly, I came to the realization that I did not provide enough info: Yes, it was a course in a private school in Germany. It is not a university course. FYI, (as you may have already realized) I am not from a country where English is spoken as a first language.

Yesterday was the last day of my course. I waited for the class to end. After it ended, I asked her whether she could provide me with private lectures. She said that she was 100% busy because she would be working in the private course.
Then I asked whether she could come to watch the soccer match between German and USA (although I knew she was not interested in soccer, because a couple of weeks ago she said that she was not interested in it)) She said no and she was not interested in it. I got the message. I thought she was not interested in me. Then she suddenly said she will be working in the private course for the whole year and I could come to the course again. I was confused, what did she mention that?

I learnt that she was at least 30 years old. While considered I am 21, the age difference is huge, I believe.

@Lonnie

" She looks at me with a smile, and for example, a week ago she said to me “you have nice hobbies” when I was talking with some other students."

This is why you think she likes you? Teachers smile at everyone. And make encouraging comments.

You don’t need to tell her. She already knows you have a crush on her. I did and thought it was amusing and flattering, but made sure to not lead him on but also to not hurt his young feelings at the same time. A tight rope to walk, especially when you are a young teacher.

But you are twenty one so listen to your last statement of self analysis.

Nice. Thanks for the answer but:

@Lonnie

You don’t need to tell her. She already knows you have a crush on her. I did and thought it was amusing and flattering, but made sure to not lead him on but also to not hurt his young feelings at the same time. A tight rope to walk, especially when you are a young teacher.

Wow wow wow. Hang on there. How do you know that she knows I had a crush on her? Are you her?

@AClockworkMelon

I’m gonna go against the grain and say that yes, you should tell her. You only live once, and you won’t have lost anything by trying - you only stand to lose if you don’t! Look, if a woman is being overly nice, smiling a lot, giving you attention, it could very well mean she’s interested. She’s probably fighting these feelings because of the professional relationship she has with you, so you might have to keep trying.

Good luck and keep us updated!

Ahaha thanks for the encouragement. You are right. I tried but failed. Just like some wise guy said: “Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.”

@Alley_Dweller

The OP doesn’t say where he is from,

I am from Turkey :embarrassed smiley here:

So, below there are some good advices and information for me

@stui_magpie

You most likely are the kind of guy who falls for any girl who’s nice to you and yes having recognised that trait you should stop it.

When the girl at the supermarket checkout smiles and asks how you are when you go to pay for your groceries, she’s not flirting. When the girl at the drive through asks if you want fries with that, she’s not chatting you up and it’s not a euphemism

She’s doing her job and is being nice at the same time. leave it at that, don’t embarrass her and yourself.

You are right. Thanks for the answer.

@sandra_nz

Neither of these things are indicative of her flirting with you.

I’m suspecting you weren’t particularly well treated by the girls you went to school with, and are therefore a bit overexcited now that a woman is being nice to you.

But “being nice to you” does not mean “wants to date you”.

This is also very true. Perhaps because I was not particularly well treated by the girls, I am a bit overexcited now that a woman is being nice to you. Also I am therefore sort of insecure.

@Isilder

She mentioned your hobbies ? She was pointing out you act as an introvert… She was explaining to you that she why she was being nice to you. … She has detected your introverted nature and is just being supportive.

This is a very good interpretation. Thanks a lot for the answer

@gallows_fodder

And she is not “too nice” to you. She is your teacher. She is trying to help you learn. She is not in love with you.

As someone else already mentioned, she realized my introverted nature and was being supportive. You are right

@Siam_Sam

This situation sounds very familiar. No kidding, but back in Texas, as an undergraduate, I took a lot of German classes. The first and second years were mostly taught by teaching assistants, and some were pretty cute. I was slightly older than most of the class, about the same age or even older than the TAs. And I swear this one was coming onto me. I never pursued it due to being just too busy … and she ended up marrying another student in the class! Really.

If this happened to me, I would be unimaginably, extremely sad.

@Beware_of_Doug

I have never actually studied German, but I have a bit of the language and have known folks from that part of the world, so I like to think I’ve a bit of a handle on the social mannerisms of Teutonic peoples. (I’m assuming the lady in question is German.)

It seems to me that in that culture, one naturally tends to be more formal and reserved than we do over here in such things as teacher/student relationships. Yet they also have a reputation for directness and frankness, and less anxiety about matters sexual.

In that context - and I don’t want to lead OP on one bit here - I would suspect that if a German woman wished to express her attraction, it would be fairly obvious.

Ah, stupid me. I thought her smiling etc. was sign of an attraction of her to me. (see my first post)

@Novelty_Bobble

Hang on, he’s 21! it is a private lesson, he’s not a kid and it isn’t primary school. Apparently the age difference isn’t huge so I don’t see this as anything other than two adults who may or may not be attracted to each other and would recommend treating it as such.

Ignore the apocalyptic predictions of others in this thread.

Don’t rush it, check out the lie of the land a bit and it’ll become apparent whether feelings are reciprocated. Treat her with respect and be prepared for disappointment should it lead nowhere but there’s no reason why the world should end.

Thanks for the encouragement. Due to your encouragement, I tried, at least. I did not say that I had a crush on her but I at least asked her whether we could see each other again. (See above, I asked to watch the soccer game)

@VinylTurnip

“Nice hobbies”? Dude. She wants your Knackwurst. Blitzkrieg that shit.

You funny guy

@gallows_fodder

Everyone who has been saying “Go for it, dude,” in this thread is a guy. They’re probably not thinking about how fucking awkward this fucking awkward dude is going to make his teacher feel when he tells her he’s in love with her because she smiles at him and compliments his hobbies.

EDITED TO ADD: This would be different if he were a socially graceful guy who felt a spark between him and his teacher, as the case may have been for those of you who have had a similar relationship.

Well well well. I do not know what the word “awkward” really means. I guess you meant “embarrassed”. I think making someone feel awkward is not against the law. If you would like to think in terms of morals, making someone feel awkward by telling her you love her is pretty nice thing so it also should not be an immoral act. I may accept it is awkward What is wrong with that awkward situations? This is only life.

[Frank]

@MaverocK

Then I asked whether she could come to watch the soccer match between German and USA (although I knew she was not interested in soccer, …

Heh. Set yourself up for a “no” there, didn’t you?

[MaverocK]

@Frank

Heh. Set yourself up for a “no” there, didn’t you?

Well, sir, seriously curious, what else could I have asked (or said)?

[Mijin]

@MaverocK

Well, sir, seriously curious, what else could I have asked (or said)?

I said upthread: interesting and/or cool.
Football wouldn’t be bad if you didn’t already know she has no interest in it…

Just throw out: kayaking / thai cookery class / watch some performance only in town for this weekend, something like that.
It’s really easy in a language class, because in any half-decent class you should be getting prompted to construct novel sentences all the time. So you’ll have plenty of opportunity to just happen to mention your plans for this weekend (or indeed the cool stuff you did last weekend).

If you mention something cool enough, and she finds you not entirely objectionable (so not necessarily hot for you…) there’s a good chance she’ll want to join this or the next time.

And…it doesn’t need to be 1 on 1. Though most people imagine a first date like that, if you can be sociable, and relaxed, you can make a great impression at a group event. If things are going super well you can always suggest you move on to somewhere else.

<Really I want to go back in time and tell 21-year old Mijin all this stuff. :mad:>

[Stringbean]

I think inviting her to watch the USA Germany game is perfect because there is a reason outside of simply expressing interest in her to suggest it. She is teaching you German.

The fact that she declined tells me she’s not gonna bite.

[Lonnie]

Thanks for the update. Interesting.

People read body and facial language and understand far more than you think. I forget the percentages but I think we understand more from body language and facial expressions than we do from the spoken word. And women pick up on that stuff very well.

I vaguely recall an experiment where they tested how accurate first impressions in the first second or two were and I was amazed at how accurately and quickly humans can judge other people.

Why don’t you just ask her to have a coffee?

[Nema98]

Go for it, but once the course is finished and you have received your grade. Ask her out and she what happens. If she declines, you lose nothing but will feel good about asking her out and giving it a shot. But if she says yes, then you can gain something, a relationship or better yet hot sex!

[Nema98]

Why embarrassed by the fact that you are Turkish?