I’m a 20 yr old college student with no job. My parents are going through a divorce and neither of them want me here. They told me I’m a lzy leech and I should get my butt out there and work. My problem is that I’m a full-time college student. They don’t seem to understand this because they went to a semester of college and both dropped out to find jobs. They probably don’t see the need with college, but I do! They pay all my bills, car ins, gas, clothes, food, spending money, medical ins. , and it’s getting expensive and I guess they’re tired of paying for it. My mom is having an affair wit ha guy and home life hasn’t been the same. She stopped being a “mom”. She refuses to make dinners, wash clothes, or clean the house. She sleeps on the couch and yells at me. She calls me fat and lazy. I’ve hated this small house for the past 3 yrs and I want to escape. My mother has refused to apy the bills, i.e. the phone bill. She tore up the phone bill, electric bill and said she’s goin to let us suffer. I can’t take living here in the mess any longer! If I move out I know it will be hell and I’ll be depressed living alone. I don’t think a job can support all my bills for tution and car ins. I live in Los Angeles and the rent is very expensive around here. Some friends suggested to apply to a University and live on campus and get a job there at school. I’m not into the whole living with a starnger i na dorm thing. I want to live alone, but that won’t happen at a college unless I get an off campus apt. I’m just so confused now. My parents are going crazy and acting so childish. They cut me off and refuse to give me money. I’ve been wearing the same clothes for the past 3 yrs! I’ve had 5 interviews this year with no luck. My main expertise is pharmacy. I went to pharmacy tech school so I tried getting jobs at Sav-on, Walgreens, and Rite-Aid with no luck. I guess I’ll look again! ::Sigh::
It would appear your choices are:
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Live with a woman dealing with an affair, a divorce and psychological problems (rational people don’t tear up bills and say she’s going to let you suffer) in a filthy house with no phone, electricity or clean clothes; or
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Live with a stranger at a university for a semester while you get your shit together.
Strikes me as a no-brainer. Make like a shepherd and get the flock out.
Talk to your school’s finance department. Check to see if they have a work study program and look at getting school loans. I got financial aid that allowed me to have extra money to pay for my living expenses. Of course, I have those loans to pay back now, but it is worth it.
Move out. Can’t say it enough. I moved out of my parents home when I was a couple of years younger than you, and heck yes it was hard. I worked a ft and a pt job when I went to college for the first time, and I don’t recall ever getting to sleep. But if you are 20 years old, and your parents don’t want you at home, it is time for you to go. You will be happier for it.
You know, it’s funny. I get along with my parents great, never any of those sorts of problems … and I couldn’t WAIT to get out of the house and off to college! And while they wanted to help financially, they really couldn’t; they had all the problems they needed themselves at the time – our family restaurant went out of business while I went off at college. I never thought twice about getting the student loans and even managed to qualify for a few grants. Sure, the loans are a pain and take years to pay off, but IT IS WORTH IT!!
MOVE OUT! MOVE OUT NOW! With any luck, maybe you’ve got some folks you know and can move in with quickly, you know? Back in those days, I wouldn’t have hesitated to let a friend in …
You know, it’s funny. I get along with my parents great, never any of those sorts of problems … and I couldn’t WAIT to get out of the house and off to college! And while they wanted to help financially, they really couldn’t; they had all the problems they needed themselves at the time – our family restaurant went out of business while I went off at college. I never thought twice about getting the student loans and even managed to qualify for a few grants. Sure, the loans are a pain and take years to pay off, but IT IS WORTH IT!! Oh, and yes, I also worked part-time …
MOVE OUT! MOVE OUT NOW! With any luck, maybe you’ve got some folks you know and can move in with quickly, you know? Back in those days, I wouldn’t have hesitated to let a friend in …
I don’t mean to sound harsh, but you’re 20 years old, living at home for free, knowing that your mom is going through a lot of stress (divorce is stressful), and you still expect her to clean house, do your laundry, and cook dinner?
Sounds to me like she’s probably very frustrated. I know I would be. Yes, school is important, but even people who go to school full-time have other responsibilities. What I’m saying is that even if you can’t get a job, you should at the very least do your own laundry, clean up after yourself, and offer to cook a few nights a week. Life might be easier for you then, certainly easier than working two jobs, going to school, AND doing your own laundry/cooking/cleaning would be.
Like I said, I’m not trying to be mean. I’ve basically been where you are now. If you don’t want to move out–and it sounds like you don’t–then look at how your own behaviors are contributing to the situation and change them.
i don’t want this to sound harsh, but it sounds like you want things to go back to the way they were. It doesn’t sound like that’s feasible with your mother pursuing another relationship.
I think you should move. Here’s why:
[ul]
[li]You’re old enough to face life without a safety net.[/li][li]As long as you’re there, any financial aid for college will be dependent on your parents’ status. If you are on your own, you may get more financial aid.[/li][li]It sounds like there is too much tension at your home, and if the bills are not going to be paid what will you do when the utilities are shut off?[/li][li]You want out. Follow your heart.[/li][/ul]
You mention that you don’t want a roommate but you don’t want to be alone. You should decide which is more important to you, and act on it.
Find a job- any job for now. You’re in La-La Land, there has to be something. You can afford to be picky later.
The hardest part- you have effectively been given your walking papers. Your parents have no further obligation to you legally; you are free to do what you please as far as living arrangements. It’s childish to expect further money from them- they have already spent thousands raising you, the free ride is over. At least that’s the message you said they gave you.
BTW who is “us”? Are there minors in the house? If your mother refuses to take care of those under 18 then the child protecive services can be called in. Cal them if any of your younger siblings, if you have any, are being abused.
Funny simulpost, Steelerphan.
I’m leaning towards moving out, but I’d like to finish this fall semester at my community college. I need to work a few months and then I can move out. My mother has never cooked in her life for us. and she doesn’t wash my clothes. I wash my own!I am the only child so when I say “us”. I mean my dad. I’m the only child. He is pretty much clueless about how to operate the washing machine or vacuum. My mother isn’t leaving the house. I told my father to kick her out for not acting sane and not paying bills and he says he can’t because she owns 1/3 of the house.I couldn’t get on the internet right now because she disconnected some wires in the back. She’s going crazy. She’s blaming me for problems she has. She disconnected the battery in my car so I was late for school today. I don’t know what’s going on. She tore up the phone bill because her boyfriend’s number was on there and she knew she got caught! She threw away the internet bill, electricity, phone, and whatever bill that’s coming to our house. I hate her!!! I fear that if I move out I will never talk to her again. She’s made me so angry that I don’t want a relationship with her. I think she has a chemical imbalance. She’s tried to kill herself 6 years ago when her mother died.
Call your college’s financail aid office. When you get a chance, fill out a FAFSA. There is tons of financial aid just there for the taking. I personally didn’t have to pay anything up front for school- even my living expenses were taken care of. If you can work, go for it. If you can’t work (and there are some situations where working isn’t worth it in school- you are spending thousands to go there and the pittance you earn from a job won’t come near to making up for failed classes) get loans.
Unfortunately, the job market sucks right now. My advice is take what you can get and keep looking.
You can get single rooms in the dorms easy, although it might be cheaper to live in a rented room in town. Even if you are anti-social, living on campus can be fun. It certainly makes you more likely to be a serious student and stick with your studies. Check out www.craigslist.com for good leads on rooms (it’s also a good place to meet new people). If not, ask your college and keep your eye out at laundrymats and other places with public builitan boards for a room.
You need to get out of there. I know plenty of kids who were raised by less-than-effective parents. I can count the number of home-cooked meals I had as a kid on my fingers. But by age 20 I was cooking up my own gourmet feasts in my own house bought with my own (well, the state’s) money. You can’t blame your parents for how they act at this point. Just get the heck out and visit your parents on holidays and the occasional weekend. I bet you’ll be surprised at how good your relationship can be.
Hmm, ILikeMadonna, after reading your last post, I have to reconsider my initial advice; I didn’t understand the situation very well at first. However stressed your mother might be, sabotaging your car to make you late to school was a bit over the top. Maybe she’s trying to put the focus on you rather than her. Regardless, I am now in agreement with most everyone else here: get out.
I recommend getting a roommate for financial reasons. Plus, if you can find someone with whom you get along, the company is nice. (You said you didn’t want to live with strangers, but you also said you’d be depressed living alone, so you have to decide which would work for you.) Alternatively, as some have suggested, living on campus might be an even better solution for you. As a first step toward independence, definitely fill out your FAFSA and look into any other grants, etc. Living on your own, you should definitely qualify for at least a Pell grant.
Also, as even sven said, you will probably be surprised at how your relationship with your parents—your dad, at least—improves when you’re not living with them.