I can't stand my mom, I don't know if I should move though... ideas?

In My Humble Opinion (IMHO)
#1

I am wondering if I should move out.
I can’t stand living with my mom. Or my dad oftentimes. I feel like forced to pay attention to someone elses standards at all times when I’m outside of my room. If I spend a lot of time at the apt. and I do then that can be pretty fudged.
Furthermore, I have mental health stuff going on, and I legitimately feel worse when I come home after going out. Like I can attain some kind of mental stillness sometimes when I’m out but I feel like if I come back it messes it up, like my soul is about to be falling into a dark hole or something.
It’s not that she means bad or anything, but it just happens time and time and time again. I feel mentally unstable around her.
So that being said, being an issue of mental health I feel I need to get out of here.
I hate always having to act like I give a shit about her at all times per day when I am not in my room. Apart from that there is like nothing to do in this town apart from drugs, so my real options are to be in my room, doing nothing around town, or being out where I have to put up this act which makes me emotionally fucked up.
In any case, the options for me getting out of here: I WANT to be an architect, I THINK. That would be THE THING to do. I get free college (at least for another year) due to my dad’s military service. The alternative would be a trade, and none of the trades out there I am too keen on, plus I’m not sure if I’m going to be paid enough to live somewhere on my own. I don’t want a roommate for the same reason. I don’t want to be stuck with a big college loan that I can’t pay if architecture doesn’t pay the best (and from looking around that seems to be the case)
So I have been debating what to do for awhile. Any ideas?

PS it’s not that my mom is a bad person, or tries to fuck with me. It doesn’t mean that I don’t end up being fucked anyway. Perhaps someone has an idea of what could be a real good action. Thanks.

#2

Making the effort to give a shit about other people can be good for your mental health. And I offer this advice as an introvert myself.

#3

How are you going to support yourself if you move out? Before you can go, you have to have a solid answer to that question.

#4

Living at a trade school learning a trade, then get out with the skill under my belt. I also got a guard card so I can be a security guard. Those would be my options if I didn’t stay here to study architecture.

#5

Which can be a major stumbling block… :frowning:

#6

Have you actually tried talking to your mom about how you feel? Or do you feel she would not react well?

If you were my son, I’d want to know, and if there was any way I could change my behaviour within reason to help you I would. I’d also help you move out if you wanted.

#7

The part about your getting free college due to you dad being in the military leads me to believe that you are around 21 years old. Please correct me if I’m wrong.

If so, move out. Time to leave the nest and fly on your own. You might even want to consider the military if your mental health issues don’t stop that. Then you can build up your own college fund.

BTW: I tried to get my youngest daughter to become an architect. She’s a good artist and mechanically inclined. She became a mechanical engineer instead which was a good thing. I have a friend who is an architect and the job market during this bad economy has been horrible. About 75% of architect in this area are out of work.

#8

I have tried. She has listened. The big thing is consistently showing what I feel on the inside so I don’t feel like I need to fake myself 24/7. I don’t know how well this would go: I did this the other day . I gave her a look. She instantly asked if I was angry, and when we talked about it later she said that I looked real intense. All it was was I made eye contact and didn’t try to put on a face which said, “I’m okay.”

#9
  1. I do want to move out. That leads me to the other part of the problem though: I am pretty sure the only job I will enjoy if I move out is going to be through college. I don’t want to spend years of my life doing something I don’t want (going to the trade-school). That’s the thing, it’s like live here and get a job I want or move and maybe be stuck with a job I hate. That can’t be good for your well being either…
#10

Suck it up and get a job. Nobody gives a damn whether it is something you “will enjoy.” Your job is not you, it is just a way to get money to live. You can enjoy yourself on your days off.

#11

Move out. Why inflict your miserable presence on your mother? Perhaps she’s tired of walking on eggshells around you, too. You sound like you’ve slipped into a rut and are complaining about being there, but are not prepared to do anything to get out of it.

Living with other people, be they housemates, friends, lovers, spouses or family involves compromising yourself in the interest of maintaining harmony in the household. if you don’t want to do that, live on your own. I love, love, love having only myself at home. Other people may find living alone lonely and boring. If you’ve never tried it, you can’t know.

As far as a career path… pick something and do it. You’re only 25, lots of time to change your mind and decide to pursue another option if your first endeavor doesn’t pan out the way you want it to.

#12

Then it sounds like your choices are suck it up and stay at home for a few more years while you attend college and get a degree which will prepare you for a job you’ll enjoy, or suck it up and go to trade school and settle for a job you won’t like as much but which will allow you to leave home sooner. Some suckitude seems inevitable; it’s your call as to which path will suck less overall.

#13

I think your mom wants you to move out too. She’s tired of having to deal with your mental issues and having to take care of you.
By the way, its her house not yours. Its not your room, its hers. She is just letting you use it because she’s a kind person. Its her house and her standards you have to live up to.
You should move out, and live to your own standards. It will make everyone happy.

#14

At that age, it’s normal and healthy to feel the need to move out. Your relationship with your parents would be likely to improve dramatically, especially if you make the slightest effort to reach out to them now and then.

It’s their house, and it’s totally reasonable for them to expect you to live by their rules. It’s also reasonable for you not to want to.

But without a good solid plan to support yourself, it could be a big mistake to leave. If you’re anywhere near having a degree, I suggest you consider sticking it out and getting the degree, regardless of what the degree is in. Most people don’t actually do what they went to school for. The degree shows that you’re capable of making a plan and sticking to it, and that you’re capable enough to pass your courses. For a lot of jobs, those things are more essential than the specifics.

The next step is doing an internship at a business you think you’d like to work in. It’s difficult getting a job with no experience, and an internship is the easiest way to get your foot in the door, get the experience. Ideally, do this while you’re still in school, if possible.

Meanwhile, don’t wait to be asked to do the dishes, take out the trash, shovel the driveway, or mow the lawn, even if you feel like crap and don’t want to. Make a point to do something every day. I bet you’ll be surprised at how little effort it takes and how much better you’ll get along with your parents.

#15

Are you currently in school and trying to decide if you should finish?

If so, finish.

If you are not currently in school and don’t have a job and are 25, I’m surprised they haven’t kicked your ass out already.

#16

Said a bit harsher than I would, but this. Everything in life is a trade-off. You’re banking on getting a job you enjoy. The price of this is putting up with your mother a few years. When you do get that “dream” job, this will all seem trivial.

If you don’t want to deal with your mother any more, you will need to sacrifice your “dream”. It wouldn’t be the end of the world. You’d just need to reset your expectations and come up with another dream.

Every single one of us has faced this dilemma, in some shape or form. The Clash even wrote a song about it.

#17

Move out.

Move out, move out, move out.

Go to college if you can, get a job otherwise.

Don’t worry about not being able to stand your Mom. After you’re out and on your own for a while, you’ll be able to have a better relationship with both your parents. Do it for all three of you.

#18

Yeah I am still on the fence.
I’m not sure if I can hack it for my dream job.
Even if things don’t always go the best things still are going okay here.
Plus I only have 1 year left to go to college absolutely free, and I don’t want to throw that away.
I’m still on the fence though.
Someone on here is right though, if you are living with others you basically HAVE to compromize for it to work. So if I end up doing so it’s not like it’s a personal vendetta against me it’s sorta just a necessary evil.
Yeah, no one on here has convinced me one way or the other…
Although I don’t want to be living here while I am 30 yrs/old
Architecture = 4 years to complete, and being 25 now that will be about 29.

Does anyone have any tips for going to school while living on your own, or anything like that?

#19

You say you have mental health problems. Are you under treatment? Are you talking to a professional about how fake your mom makes you feel?

The best thing would be to finish your one more year of college, then move out. Can you get a job on campus that would help you save some money? That would be preferable to McDonalds or something in the short term. But you should be working and going to school, so that when you’re done with school you don’t have to stay home and build a nest egg.

#20

Why do you have to live at home to get free tuition (which I assume means your parents are paying for it)? Is there any way you can negotiate them continuing to pay if you move out? Is there some reason they want you living at home?