I am wondering if I should move out.
I can’t stand living with my mom. Or my dad oftentimes. I feel like forced to pay attention to someone elses standards at all times when I’m outside of my room. If I spend a lot of time at the apt. and I do then that can be pretty fudged.
Furthermore, I have mental health stuff going on, and I legitimately feel worse when I come home after going out. Like I can attain some kind of mental stillness sometimes when I’m out but I feel like if I come back it messes it up, like my soul is about to be falling into a dark hole or something.
It’s not that she means bad or anything, but it just happens time and time and time again. I feel mentally unstable around her.
So that being said, being an issue of mental health I feel I need to get out of here.
I hate always having to act like I give a shit about her at all times per day when I am not in my room. Apart from that there is like nothing to do in this town apart from drugs, so my real options are to be in my room, doing nothing around town, or being out where I have to put up this act which makes me emotionally fucked up.
In any case, the options for me getting out of here: I WANT to be an architect, I THINK. That would be THE THING to do. I get free college (at least for another year) due to my dad’s military service. The alternative would be a trade, and none of the trades out there I am too keen on, plus I’m not sure if I’m going to be paid enough to live somewhere on my own. I don’t want a roommate for the same reason. I don’t want to be stuck with a big college loan that I can’t pay if architecture doesn’t pay the best (and from looking around that seems to be the case)
So I have been debating what to do for awhile. Any ideas?
PS it’s not that my mom is a bad person, or tries to fuck with me. It doesn’t mean that I don’t end up being fucked anyway. Perhaps someone has an idea of what could be a real good action. Thanks.