Should I say something?

Background:

I had been with my now ex-girlfriend for 3 1/2 years, living together while in college, all that jazz. Last May, she broke up with me for the typical “different goals in life/not going to work” reasons. Since neither of us can really afford to move out in this town of high real estate prices and we wanted to “still be friends”, I just switched rooms with our roomate (who is one of the ex’s girlfriends [not lesbian, for those who will inevitably ask]). This summer, she (ex) started seeing a guy who she met while working a summer job, who happens to live here in town, and has been seeing him since, with it being relatively serious, from what I gather. I have no problem with this.
Present Day:
Two days ago, I came home and the ex and this guy (not the boyfriend) were in the living room watching TV. “X, this is Gabe, Gabe, this is my friend X”. “Hi, how are you”. Didn’t think anything more of it, as I was on my way to play some Half Life 2 in my room. The next day, she knocks on my door and says “Can I ask you something?” “Sure.”

She told me that the night before, she had been out drinking with her friends, and had kissed a guy. I replied “A guy who is not Y (the boyfriend)?”. The answer was in the affirmative. She wanted to know if I thought she should tell the boyfriend. I asked her if it was serious and she said maybe. I told her that myself being her ex-boyfriend, the question made me uncomfortable on a number of levels, and that she would have to decide whether being honest with the boyfriend was better than keeping it a secret.

That afternoon, the boyfriend came over and picked her up, and she spent the night at his place (frequent occurance, I don’t have a problem with it, just giving the narrative). She came home about an hour ago, and told me she was going to play raquetball. I hear a knock on the door, some chatter, and then she leaves. Seeing as how my computer is situated next to the window, I notice that she is leaving with X (the first guy).

The plot thickens.

I am not jealous or anything, just kind of feeling bad for the boyfriend. I plan on observing in silence for awhile to see what she does. If she continues to two-time the BF, should I say something to her? Something like “hey, in case you had not noticed, other people have feelings too!” Or maybe something more diplomatic, live “how are things with you and Y?”

It’s not your business. I say stay out of it.

I started to get confused with all the Xs and Ys floating around, like a particularly confusing algebra problem. :dubious: And I have a minor in mathematics. :o

So, to sum up your story, your ex-girlfriend, whom we’ll call, mmm, lambda, is (presumably) sleeping with Y and “seeing” X. You (we’ll call you delta) have been solicited for advice, but wisely, considering the particularly nasty calculus of the problem, declined to differentiate. Now you’re wondering if you should sum the function from X to theta and take the limit as it approaches Y.

My advice: I think this tensor already has too many dimensions as it is. I don’t think you need to integrate yourself into it. Besides, many complex functions in the natural world have a way of collapsing into trivial solutions once all the parameters are discovered. Why complicate the topology with needless convolutions? As every set theory geek knows, you can’t create a Venn diagram with four circular domains.

Don’t even get me started on strange attractors. Some things in life are just too messy for Boolean logic. :frowning:

Stranger

My head hurts.

I gave up on boolean logic a long time ago. This is more “fuzzy math” territory.

I’d say stay out of it, unless doing so will drive you insane.

Was sleeping around one of those “different goals” that she broke up with you over?

This should be included over in the
geek couples thread… If you laughed at this and then sent it to your SO, you’re a geek couple.

I sure hope not. :frowning:
/kicks self

In the past. doesnt matter.

In the past. doesnt matter.

In the past. doesnt matter.

In the past. doesnt matter.

If your roommate was just some guy, and was dating a couple of girls, would you say anything to the girls? I’m guessing not. You’ve decided that you’re just going to be a roommate. Keep it that way.

Sounds to me like she likes drama (and if she doesn’t, she will have her fill soon enough!).

Stay out of it-too much aggravation…

Not only should you stay out of it, you should probably move out too.

Would if I could afford it. But I’m graduating in June, so not that much longer to stay.

I think I love you. I hope you stick around for a long, long time.

And regarding the OP, I’m pretty much with everyone else: stay out of it. Your heart is in the right place, intentions are good, etc, but you’ll feel better not hearing these cliches after you’ve meddled. Let the ex lie in the bed she made and learn from her mistakes, and X and Y from theirs, too. If, indeed, any of them have made any mistakes - there may be suspicions, but can you be 100% sure that she and this new fellow are not strictly good buddies? One kiss doesn’t always lead to more, and it doesn’t always ruin a good friendship. I’m not saying I’m not suspicious, myself, just from what you posted, but is there any real evidence that suggests they are more than friends?

If she comes to you for advice, offer advice* if you feel you must* (ie: the situation is getting dangerous, unhealthy, etc), but don’t force it on her, tell her what to do (pay close, close attention to your wording, this could come back to bite you) or even be surprised or take it personal if she doesn’t necessarily heed it. Sometimes people just want to be reassured their wrongdoings are okay. Stick to facts only and let her make her own decisions. Keep emotion out of it as much as you can - getting too involved just sucks you into the tangled web someone else has weaved: you just try to stay Mr. Innocent Guy Who Just Wants To Play Half Life :smiley:

If you can’t keep the emotion out of it, be careful. I strongly recommend staying out of it altogether, even if she comes to you, if you can stand it. You don’t want to be pulled into some fight because she says “Well, Gabe told me this, so I just did what he told me to do!” It might not be true, but that’s all it takes, and you’re in the game. Much hassle. :frowning:

Update:

First a little more background I should have mentioned. I am 23 yrs old. The ex is 21. The ex’s new boyfriend (“Y”) is 38. When I heard this (several months ago), I became highly skeptical of Y’s motives/mental state, for reasons that should be obvious.

Today, the ex informed me (without prompting from me) that Y is looking into buying a home, and really wants her to move in with him.

[sarcasm]
Gee, I totally did not see this coming.
[/sarcasm]

I plan to remain uninvolved for now. I forsee a strong possibility of the ex attempting to break off relations with Y. I also suspect Y of being a potential abuser. From what I know, this fits the pattern of falling passionately in love very quickly, wanting to become more serious (marriage/living together) quickly. I shall observe, and see if the situation warrants further involvement on my part.

Wait. What?

Based on that statement alone, I would say MYOB. Screaming, “But he’s TOO OLD for you!!!111111one” is just… no. As far as the “potential abuser” and all that, just let me reiterate: What? Why?

the “potential abuser” bit comes from how rapidly the relationship had progressed, bf not wanting to meet family, etc. along with the things i already mentioned and some other observations I won’t share here. Many of these are “warning signs” of a potentially abusive situation as I understand the current standard to be.

And I am minding my own business, I just also happen to have an opinion at the same time. At no point have I mentioned any of my opinions to persons involved.