What do I say? (talking about past relationships)

I’m currently single and haven’t been dating or even looking for over 3 years. The reason why will be made clear shortly.

However, I’m going to be going back to school for my 2nd bachelors, this one in radiologic science and seeing as the male/female population is 40%to 60% and in my program I am going to be one of 3 other guys, it is likely that I will be in the prescence of some nubile female persons, and I may even talk to some of these women, and perhaps, things may even reach the stage which is called a relationship.

That’s fine, in fact I would love nothing more then for that to happen.

However, at some point in every relationship, (even your very first one) the topic of past relationships come up and that is where the sticking point is.

To say that my last relationship ended badly is like saying that the Columbia shuttle disaster was a “minor mishap.” The end of my last relationship involved/included: arrests (mine) criminal counts being rendered, one count of stalking (against me) restraining orders: 2 (against me) a serious car accident (me again) and serious psychological fucking over and being messed with and messing with (me.)

Now, I took responsibility for what happened, not all of the responsibility, but I didn’t dodge and weave and try and get out of it.

But what do I say when my Sweet Baboo asks about my previous relationship? My thought is that if I tell the truth, I will no longer have a Sweet Baboo, but if I lie/skirt the issue/hedge the truth I will end up Sweet Babooless.

So, advice, thoughts, smart ass remarks?

What’s wrong with “I’d rather not talk about it”?

I can think of a couple of things:

  1. It makes you look/sound like you have something bad/hideous/awful to hide.

  2. saying that can be the set up for an arguement which while it may start out low key, could escalate into a knock down, drag out screamfest, which I wouldn’t want.

I should add that at the time of the ending of my last relationship, my mental state was confused, to put it nicely. My emotions had given my logic and rational thought process parts of my brain $5000 and tickets to Vegas, so my decison making skills were lousy at best.

When asked, say that it was a painful break-up (it was) and the whole thing ended badly (it did). Say that you two are no longer friends (I don’t think you are), and boy, aren’t you glad you learned from it and can move on to healthier relationships (it sounds like you did). No need to share the gorey details. I hope you aren’t still a stalker-type.

There is nothing wrong with “white lies” you know. And keep it vauge. I think most do this in relationships anyway. And no stalking this time. :slight_smile: Good luck.

  1. You do.

  2. Just what kind of women are you attracted, too, anyhow? The knock down drag out screamfest is how one ENDS, not begins, a relationship.

Do not lie. Say, “It was a disaster.” Then shut up. (After over 10 years I am STILL finding out things about my spouse’s former marriage that would have prevented our first date, never mind our marriage. But we’re still together.)

Whatever you do, do NOT say the ex was crazy; any woman with half a brain will hear, ‘I drove her crazy.’

check out this thread

You’re going to be one of three other guys? How are you going to choose which one to be? I recommend picking one who doesn’t stalk his girlfriends, get arrested, and crash cars. Then you won’t have to tell potential girlfriends about your past mistakes.

How old were you when all this happened? Youth can explain a great deal of behavoir, or at least make it more believable that it was past behavoir, not an indicator of the future.

Two, remember that you won’t wake up one day and have to esplain this to some strange woman. You’ll haveto explain it to Suzie, or Betty, or Mae–some specific person who you’ve spent some time with. Py attention to that person and decide what would work best with them. No generic solution is going to work here.

There’s always the classic “It just didn’t work out”, or “We wern’t right for each other”