should I stay or should I go now?

In My Humble Opinion
1

A few years back, a good friend asked me to help him in creating a poetry board online. I had a good reputation and we worked well together.

A month or so went by and we both wanted to bring in another friend. We did.

As time passed, that other friend turned into (in my opinion) a liability on the board. I found myself growing farther and farther away from the direction the board was taking. I told First Friend that a number of times, and First Friend always begged me to stay. So I did, but I was spending less and less time there, growing more and more uncomfortable with the atmosphere.

I finally stopped going at all, until this week. I went back. Second Friend is stilling pulling his crap. First Friend is silent. My name is still on everything.

So, what should I do? I can attempt to use what remaining power I might have to try to push Second Friend out. I can attempt to use diplomacy and change the atmosphere by diligent effort.

Or I can say, “Take my name off this site because I don’t want to be associated with this anymore.”

The situation saddens me. What would you do?

Julie

2

I can’t advise, but I can report. In a similar situation, I just left. Not too long later things just ground to a halt. Now it’s just an archive for anybody to go back to if they wish. No longer an active thing.

In the advice column, I guess it would help to know your own feelings of how much the thing is worth to you.

3

I hate to feel like a quitter, or like I’m abandoning a lot of really good people. So, in that respect, it’s worth a lot to me. And the board was once good and could be good again.

But I don’t know if I’m up to a long, bitter fight over it. So, I have good intentions, but I’m lazy.

The site will continue to grow, but I hate how other boards are filled with refugees from my old site who left because of this guy.

Julie

4

Care to elaborate on what “this guy” was doing? I’m just curious in what way he was ruining the atmosphere.

5

If I go there will be trouble
An’ if I stay it will be double

I have nothing more to add, except that it’s obvious that the OP reminded me of a Clash song!

6

Dammit, Janie Jones beat me to it! :wink: And I, too, have nothing else to add.

7

Okay, I’ll give an example:

First, the workshop part of the board is split into different levels, for different levels of expertise in writing and critiquing.

There’s a discussion right now about reading poetry: how many different levels of reading there might be, what kinds of readers there are, how the way we read gets translated into critique, etc. The thread is twenty or thirty posts long, filled with interesting observations and insights. It’s a good thread.

So one guy comments that negative critiques in the workshop tend to be very detailed, but that in the higher level workshops, the positive critiques tend not to have any detail, and he mentions that that seems counterproductive for those higher workshops.

Second Friend: " **This is kind of a moot point for you personally David, since you shouldn’t be posting poems or comments to the higher critical forums in the first place, eh?
But, thanks for sharing your thoughts on the subject, and do feel free to continue doing so."
Or when a member asked why Second Friend deleted one of Second Friend’s own poems (plus accompanying critique) when the board rules forbid it and the member was hoping to reread the poem:

"**It’s gone; deal with it.

If you urgently require more information, PM me.

Otherwise, carry on, participate more, whine less."
If anyone questions anything, he bans them. If he dislikes them, he baits them until they get angry, then he bans them. He goes into the beginning-level workshops and ridicules people for writing beginning-level stuff.

In short, he’s being a dictatorial jerk, and he’s driving away people who don’t want a cup of attitude with their teaspoon of good advice.
As for the title of the OP, I was definitely thinking the Clash! Couldn’t get the damned song outta my head all day. :smiley:

Julie

8

Simple question: do you have the authority to ban “second friend”? If so, do it. Be at peace.

9

can’t be at peace … with that song … in my head!

10

Julie,

I would think it’s very, very important to preserve the peace of the board. No one is better than the board; no one is more important than it. It seems to me, based only on what you’ve posted, that Friend 2 there is not heeding this.

Does Friend 1 really not agree with you that Friend 2 is being so poisonous to the board as a whole? If Friend 1 is blinded to this, then there’s not much you can do. There’s no need for you to suffer needlessly, though; so if this is the case and I were in your shoes, I’d leave.

However, if Friend 1 agrees (even if grudgingly) that Friend 2 is a negative influence, then the two of you should have the power and/or authority to get rid of Friend 2, shouldn’t you?

11

What **dantheman **said.

There was a wonderful political forum that I no longer visit because it has descended to the level of finger pointing and trolling, when it started out with wonderful discussions and intelligent debates. The mods allowed it to fall into disrepair, and I was frustrated so much of the time I stopped going there. If you still have any pull with friend 1, use it. Try to correct the damage. There are so few good sites out there, especially dedicated to the arts, that you should at least give it one good try to fix it. I wish you luck.

12

This indecision’s bugging me
Esta indecision me molesta
If you don’t want me, set me free
Si no me quieres, librame
And there you have your answer!!

13

I don’t have the authority to ban Second Friend, though I still have some pull with First Friend (how much I don’t know any longer).

First Friend will say that SF has “gone too far” at times, or that the atmosphere on the board doesn’t make him “happy.” But he doesn’t act. He knows it’s why I left, but I didn’t push the issue or issue any ultimatums. I do not know which way an ultimatum might fall.

Is a board worth this angst?

In the admin forum, Second Friend started a thread to mock the guy I mentioned above who was talking about the crits in the upper workshops. I entered that thread to say that SF was being a jerk, and his reply was simply that he didn’t appreciate “being attacked in the Admin forum” and that if everyone ignored me would I go away?

Bah. I undoubtedly should go away, but it disturbs me mightily to see a good board and good people taken down by a jerky moderator.

Julie

14

Sounds like a real ass, Julie. If First Friend doesn’t want to do anything about it, though, your hands are tied. If it were me, I’d go start another board, post about it on the old one, and then leave the old one. :slight_smile:

Okay, that’s a little unfair to First Friend.

15

Well, it looks as if I’m at least going to go out with a bang!

If anyone here didn’t know it yet, I have a really big mouth. :smiley:

Julie

16

Same situation on a site of mine. I left abruptly, leaving it all in JerkGuy’s hands. It slowed and ground to a halt and then the site disappeared completely.

I took a break from all the stress and hassle and then started another site.

Frankly, if you can’t get First Friend behind you, I’d do the same. Maybe even post in their forums “Hey, it’s Me, my new site’ll be at http…”.