This is related to my needing friends post, so I thought I should elaborate,
So last year when I was a first year student, there was people in a club I met who tried to befriend me and I got somewhat acquinated with them. However, I was suffering from anxiety and OCD and as a result, wasn’t that social as I could have been and ther was one time they tried to include me in a gathering they had and it ended awkwardly but I did have some decent interactions with them at times. This year, I don’t see them much due to being in different departments but they are friends of a good friend of mine and I’ve decided to try and branch out and be more social. I thought one guy in this group was interested in something I like and started a convo online, but he said, “I don’t have anything interesting to say on this topic” after a bit and it ended there. I had a sort of long convo with anothe guy about shared interest. I tried to start another with this guy but no response, which was like two weeks ago. Anyway, there are two others who do actively engage with me and seem interested but they aren’t receptive to my FB messages, which I guess could be due to the site. So I was wondering, should I try and be friends with them, like ask the latter two for whatsapp as they are mutual friends to a good friend of mine or should I leave and branch out?
Frankly (and without knowing much at all about the situation), I’d say don’t bother with these guys. If you reach out to someone and after a couple of tries they don’t connect, I think it’s best to give up on them. I can think of a couple of people over the years who have wanted to be friends with me and kept asking me to do things, but I really didn’t want to. They were nice enough people, I just didn’t want to be friends with them. And also, I’VE reached out to people who just didn’t seem interested in me, so I gave up there, too. These are same-sex friends I’m talking about–not romantic interests. That’s even more fraught with peril.
As our moms say when dating someone doesn’t work out, “There are plenty of fish in the sea.” When you’re not that social and somewhat isolated (physically or just mentally) it doesn’t seem like there are plenty of fish in the sea, but there are.
And–radical idea-- in addition to connecting with people online, try going to events at school and in the community. Sometimes connecting in person can be easier because it’s not so intentionally directed…more casual.
Anyhoo, what you’re experiencing is normal, common, and happens to everyone, so just keep being friendly. Good luck.
I agree with the general idea of ThelmaLou’s post (don’t keep beating a dead horse). However, you mentioned that these other two friends do actively engage with you, just not through Facebook messenger. In my experience, some people are receptive to friendship but just don’t enjoy certain modes of communication. For example, some friends don’t like to go to group events (like parties or happy hours) but are very good at texting or Facebook messaging, while other people are precisely the opposite.
Based on my understanding of the situation, I would recommend trying to develop more of a friendship with the two people, but asking them about connecting on another app might not be the best way to go about doing it if they’re not very responsive on Facebook messenger. In what way do they actively engage with you? If it’s mainly through in-person conversations, you may be better off asking them about their interests and developing a friendship off of that (e.g., suggest going to a restaurant they’ve been meaning to try, seeing a movie they want to see, etc.). Or if it’s through some other means of communication, you may be better off sticking with that same form of communication rather than trying to move it onto Facebook or whatsapp.
BloodStalk: is that username a reference to the 1976 horror movie Blood Stalkers? Whatever. I perceive this to be the case, whether it is or not, which is why I’m posting now. Why that interests me is a long story and I won’t bore you with it.
You strike me as an introvert who is not ok with being an introvert. It seems like you reason your way into situations you believe will be “good for you” when you’d really rather just not. If I were to tell you that in 30 years you might know exactly 3 people whom you could count on to help you, without question or judgment, to dispose of a body, and that you would be able to take or leave just about everyone else–neighbors, coworkers, family members–in your life; would you find that just a little sad, or would you consider yourself extraordinarily lucky?
Because I’m 50, I have 3 such friends (one of whom I ended up married to), and I can take or leave pretty much everyone else in my life. I only really knew happiness when I realized the devotion of a handful of people was worth more than having 300 contacts in my phone to maybe or maybe not come out and play with me. All this to say: it has been my experience that if you try to make friends with someone, you will have to try to maintain that friendship and that will exhaust you. It is easier for you, and more fair to others, if you spend your efforts making friends with YOU. That way anyone who finds you interesting will find YOU interesting in your own right. You can’t let them down because they will know what to expect of you, and they won’t let you down because they’ve found you interesting enough to place into their lives in the first place. You won’t surround yourself with your own personal army this way, but you will have some quality people you can count on when life gets tough (and it will).