I never told my Mom. Somehow, she knew. We have talked about it since. She does worry about my soul and I have asked her to stop praying for me. It feels kind of creepy for me to think of someone offering prayer to something I don’t feel a part of.
I can see your situation. I would agree with what others have said here. If you don’t have to lie, there is no great need to tell him. If you feel that you are violating your own values by not telling him, or by allowing him to be mislead, you must tell him. He may not be immediately accepting, but he will understand and I would hope, respect your beliefs.
As far as I can judge from your post you don’t seem to be comfortable with “keeping up appearances”. So do you you want to pretend and keep your dad innocent of your convictions, or do you want to tell him what you really think and risk hurting his feelings/sensibilities? Unless you’ve got strong reasons not to that you haven’t mentioned, I would suggest you tell him.
What’s interesting is that my parents are fully aware that I’m an atheist, and they’re fine with it. And my mom is a deaconess at their church. My father is actually glad that I am, because while he’s a church-going Christian, he questions just about every belief that he has. I’m the only person he can talk to about it. Mention atheism in his neighborhood, and you’ll get branded as a Satanist. (Or worse, a librul.)
I remember when I thought it a good idea to “come out” to my RC parents. I was in the back seat of the car on the last ever family trip I took with them. Not only was I too old to be going on long driving trips with my parents, but I was young and stupid enough to realize that we had at least 2 more long days of driving before we got home. :smack:
In my case, religion would have come up at some time after that, when I got married (not by a priest) and had kids (not baptized). But you are older than I was then, and if you don’t have family events such as marriages and births that make it an unescapable issue, I’d say let that dog continue to sleep.
>Let’s turn it around. If your family was atheist and you were Baptist, would you pretend to be atheist to appease them?
Let’s turn it around again. If I just used the bathroom, would I pretend I didn’t to appease everybody else? Odd question, but, no, I don’t think so. But what does that have to do with pointing it out?
I see my parents maybe once every 3 months or so. They don’t know most of my friends, what classes I am taking, or what I do in my free time. I see no reason they should be told my religious standing over the others.
It sounds to me like his reaction will be a lot like the gay son who everyone knows is gay coming out and thinking it’ll be a big shocker even though it’s not.
However it depends on your parent. If he is deeply convinced that atheists go to Hell, for example, I would be diplomatic. After all, you might have a religious conversion someday…
I was fortunate. Although my parents took me to church regularly, they accepted my decision aged 15 that there was no evidence for God and I would not believe until there was some. Indeed, they stopped going to church soon afterwards!
Are you required to state your preferences to him? It is clear from your post that you don’t want to increase the level of stress or antagonism on the subject.
You can agree with him that he is more religious than you are. As long as he isn’t trying to force you into a behavior that is against your principles, his desire to see you as more religious is frankly harmless.
I would soften the whole issue by looking at it this way - have you ever had a parent or grandparent give you a gift that you didn’t really want/need/expect? Something like socks or underwear, etc. They get pleasure from the giving. Polite people learn to let them have that pleasure. This can be looked at as him trying to give you a gift that he considers valuable, but that you have no real use for. The polite thing to do is thank him for the gift, it will give him pleasure and cost you nothing.
Strikes me as a pretty inconsiderate and self indulgent position.
What is the reason to tell, if you anticipate that it might cause someone distress? Especially if they are someone to whom you do not especially bear ill will?
I think it is a pretty good rule of thumb - as well as desireable social behavior - for people to try to avoid unnecessarily hurting others when possible. So yeah, I see that as a reason not to tell.
>Being an atheist is nothing to be embarrassed about…
>Strikes me as a pretty inconsiderate and self indulgent position…
Is it inconsiderate and self indulgent if Christians wear crosses or allow themselves to be spotted entering or leaving Churches? How about Jews wearing yarmulkes or being in Synagog?
Not sure if you are just trying to be silly Napier or intentionally being disingenuous.
I never suggested that there was any reason to be embarrassed about atheism. Thought it was pretty clear that the aspect of FtP’s post I took issue with was that he saw “no reason not to tell.”
And surely you can see the distinction between wearing one’s articles of faith as one enters or exits their place of worship, as opposed to making a special effort to inform a family member who hasn’t asked of a personal position that you have reason to expect will distress them.
Using your example, tho, I would hope most reasonable people would at least consider the possibility that their religious garb might cause offense when they went to a particular setting. And if they intentionally display their objects of belief with the knowledge that they would upset a viewer - yeah, I can imagine situations in which I would use terms stronger than inconsiderate and self indulgent to describe such behavior.
Because, in the long run, it may lead to a more honest and healthier relationship based on mutual respect.
Nobody should be “distressed” by hearing that another person is an atheist. If they are, there is an opportunity to educate them to a more enlightened and respectful point of view.
Unfortunately, the reality is that some people are in fact distressed by hearing that another person is an atheist, and some of these people are quite resistant to being educated to a more enlightened and respectful point of view.
>Not sure if you are just trying to be silly Napier or intentionally being disingenuous.
Gee. I am almost speechless. I am actually being sincere, though that may seem impossible.
Incredibly, I actually think that it is neither inconsiderate nor self-indulgent to be an athiest without being embarrassed, and to think that if somebody else feels hurt about that it’s their problem, and that there isn’t a reason not to tell them (though more to the OP’s point there may not be a reason to tell them, either).
In fact, it’s even worse than that. I myself actually AM an athiest, and in spite of the fact that over the years I have many times been disparaged for my views, I’m not embarrassed. Moreover, as an athiest, I of course think that believers of every religion are wrong in points of fact. I mean, I really think this. I think it in the same way I think water runs downhill. I think there is an underlying truth about every religion, and all its adherents are incorrect, incorrect, incorrect. I feel some embarrassment for them, if the truth be known.
So, what were the choices again? Silly or disingenuous? I’m still deciding.
