This will probably freak you out more than help, but she is not nesassarily being rude. Its possible that she is reciprocating in some other way, that she really doesn’t feel like explaining to you.
She probably doesn’t want to look “stuffy” or overly polite by offering gas money- it may be a subject she’s just uncomfortable approaching.
Maybe at the end of each quarter (if her school year runs in quarters, otherwise when they get their report cards) she should get the girl a gift card for a music store or accessory shop in your local mall. That way it’s just a “Thank you” rather then an offer of cash.
Just a thought,
Zette
I always appreciated it so much when I would drive people around and they offered money for gas, be it 1 dollar or 10. Seriously, it just thrilled me. Not because I can’t afford gas, but simply because I appreciated the thought.
With gas prices as high as they are? Pony up, Cat. Mom’s right, it’s the right thing to do.
I drove several friends in high school, and ALWAYS appreciated the $$.
–tygre
I’ve been on both sides of this issue, my oldest son didn’t have a car while attending college his first two years, and had to either ask for rides or wait hoping quietly for someone who was willing to offer one. NOW he has a car, and is quick to offer a ride, as he puts it, ‘I remember how it felt to stand around and hope for one.’
When he was offered a ride, he would usually take out a couple of dollars, or make a point during the week to take the driver out ‘for pizza’ [I SWEAR that is all they ever eat, no matter WHAT they tell you!]
However, he did mention ‘feeling embarrassed’ when someone just ‘offered money’ rather than taking it out and either handing it to him, or saying, ‘hey man, it’s on me next time.’
I go for politeness being the more important thing, especially when it isn’t an occasional ride. I wonder how ‘The Cat’ would handle it, if the carshoe were on the other foot. Have you asked her that?
Yes. Whether or not it’s the 60’s or the girl needs it is irrelevant. It’s the principle of the thing, and it’s the right thing to do.
I am not a shining pillar of morality or anything, but if someone is carting you around, on their way or no, friend of yours or no, you need to show your appreciation in some way.
And that’s that. IMHO, you need to explain this to your daughter. Sometimes, you do stuff for no other reason than it’s just the right thing to do, period. It’s part of what makes you a good person.
PS-I am sure that your daughter is already wonderful just like her parents, I am just answering your original question here, that’s all.
You know, Duck, I’m not usually the alarmist in these situations but what wolfman said is pretty much what occurred to me as well.
I mean, you pointed out that you do not know why Allison is giving Cat rides since they are not really good friends or anything. They are not in the same class. Do they attend the same school in the same location? (I ask because of Cat’s phrase, “Mom, it’s right on her way to school.”–I would think she would say, “She’s already going there anyway!” or something. Maybe it’s just me…)
Anyway, I understand the whole adolescent embarrassment thing with offering money. No teenager wants to look like she escaped from the “Donna Reed Show” by offering her “pin money” to her pal for giving her a lift. But there are more suave ways of doing it. Cat can simply toss a couple bills on the seat as she gets out of the car and say, “Here’s for gas.” Allison will take it from there.
However, I suggest you take the “alternative” theory into account. By all means, DO NOT ASK CAT WHAT’S GOING ON!! She will not tell you and then you’ll never find out. But just keep your eyes open!
Give money for gas. Or at least offer.
The legal perspective:anybody who accepts money for a ride becomes a “common carrier”, and as such is subject to certain laws-including the assumption of liability. I would urge her to see a lawyer IMMEDIATELY!
I say buy her a beer. If that’s not acceptable 
then yes, she should definetly pitch in some cash for gas. It’s only fair.
I don’t care if she was riding in the trunk and she had to jump in while the car was moving:
DON’T BE CHEAP. ALWAYS KICK IN SOME MONEY…even if the driver was going that way anyway.
One thing that amazes me is the number of people who ask whether they should tip, or whether they should reach into their pocket for anything. I’ve seen debates over whether to tip at a buffet at 10% or 20%, or whether to tip the hairstylist, etc. or kick in money for shared rides.
WHEN IN DOUBT, PONY UP SOME MONEY. It will pay off far more than the face value in the long run. You want bang for your buck? You want money to go a long way? Nothing goes farther than the few bucks you will pay out in tips and even generous tips, or being the one who offers to pay for anything, and doesn’t worry about nickels and dimes.
I used to get a lot of rides from my two best friends and they never expected any money in return, just some kind of favor or something, we helped each other out all the time with money such matters. To us, not counting favours like that is what makes us true friends.
Then again, we are the types to just pool our money together when we go abroad and come out of the vacation having no idea what each of us spent towards anything, even if one of us bought something it was paid for by the group.
I guess that’s the spirit of the sixties still alive in us kids
On non-bestfriend rides, I have little experience however. I do remember this gay guy from school offering to pick me up on his way by my house every morning. I thought “hey, cool”, I have a ride.
The first day he was talking about being gay the whole way to school and ended up saying: “And you are gay, right?”.
It suddenly dawned on me that small change was not what he was after in return for the gas!
Turns out he had mistaken me for my opposing candidate for a position in the student administration, who was openly gay. We did stay in touch for a while and joke about it, but he didn’t stop to give me any more rides 
— G. Raven
Truer words were never spoken.
If all you worry about is nickels and dimes, that’s all you’ll ever have.
She should pay. Maybe not always with money, but perhaps with something she made i.e. brownies, etc.
on the other hand, Its not really that for for the girl to bring her, so perhaps Cash might look a little silly. Make the Cat get her something for Christmas.
note: If The Cat does make brownies, and the girl dosen’t want them, feel free to fed ex the whole tray over to me.
I love Brownies.
Wow, 31 responses! Thanks loads to all the nice people who stopped by to give their opinions. I’m going to let the thread run for a while, and when I see that it’s finally run out of steam, I’ll print it out and put it on her bed, without comment. Then she can decide for herself.
I should make it clear, she gets $20 a week allowance, from which she’s supposed to pay for all her clothes, shoes, books, CDs, etc., and she also makes $15 a week babysitting. So I, personally, don’t see that an occasional two bucks is a big deal.
But I would REALLY like to thank the folks who pointed out the interpersonal relations aspect of all this, like Wolfman and Evilbeth and Zette. Frankly, that hadn’t even occurred to me; I was just seeing it as a “money” issue.
Plus, she makes excellent brownies, so that’s a good suggestion.
Add my vote to the “pay” column. I was always the pedestrian in high school, and my best friend had a car - a piece of crap, but a car nonetheless. And I gave her gas money from time to time, just as I put gas in the family car when I used it.
Now, at this stage of my life, I don’t expect gas money from my daughter or her friends when I cart them around, but it would be delightful to be offered. It’ll be interested to see how the kid handles it when SHE’S having to shell out for gas…
Looks like the consensus is with you, Goose, and I’m not gonna buck the trend.
I didn’t have a car when I was in my early 20’s – I was in the Navy at the time and living in a crummy studio apartment in Middleton, RI. I couldn’t afford both the apartment AND a car, so I chose a place close enough to base for me to walk to work. I was also on a bus line. I occasionally caught a ride during those years – especially when working second shift. Third shift wasn’t a problem – I could catch the last bus going to base @ 10:00. However, 2nd shift WAS a problem – that last bus left base about an hour too early to take me home. I worked with a lot of older, civil service guys and they didn’t like me out walking at 11 PM. I never asked for a ride, in fact I would try to avoid it – I was being independant and, like most 20 year olds, thought I was invincible. My co-worker’s didn’t agree and, one of them almost always caught me on my way out and insisted on giving me a ride. I didn’t offer to pay for gas in these circumstances because it was all so random – I worked second shift no more than 2 weeks out of every 6 and would rarely get more than 1 ride from any particular person in that period. However (and this is more in keeping with Cat’s situation), eventually I went to permanent day shift and my boss (who lived in my building) offered me a permanent ride to and from work. Then, although my boss made a LOT more money than I did, and wasn’t going at all out of her way, I felt like I had to pitch in for gas – it was just The Right Thing To DO. I managed it like Robin mentioned. Every two weeks (payday!), I slipped 4 or 5 bucks into the ash tray and said, “For gas.” The first time, Chief Teadt said, “Oh you don’t need to – keep your money.” And, I said, “No, I’d feel better about it.” And, she said, “Thank you.” And, after that, she always just said, “Thank you.”
I agree with giving her money. Of course, I’m in my 20’s, and obviously too old to be in touch with todays youth.
I appreciate gas money here and there. It’s not the money that’s the real point of the matter. It’s the idea that the person that I’m giving a ride to has thought about the trouble and expense and responsibility of giving someone a ride. Damnit, they care about the gas going into my car. They care that I’m paying for it. I feel appreciated a little more when people offer to help pay for gas.
Teenagers are notorious for believing that the rules of society don’t apply to them or their generation. It generally doesn’t take very long for them to figure out that thoughtfulness is never outdated. Hopefully she learns that lesson now, rather than after she’s offended people. People will eventually start avoiding someone that they perceive as a mooch, even at her age.
When I was in high school I drove my best friend, her little sister, and her sis’s friend to school and from the school we went to for the first two hours to the second school every day. I would ask for gas money when I didn’t have the cash to get us to school. I love them all dearly still…BUT
I would have been a much, much happier camper for a couple of bucks now and then. Or if they were ready on time regularly. Yea, I woudl have been going pretty much that way anyway, but I made sure we were on time, and got myself out the door early to do so.
By all means she should toss her driver a few bucks. or a CD. (I would have prefered cash, but I’m a bitch like that.) And I’m a horribly uncool sophomore in college. (old geezers here at U of Pitt.) Tell her to shove her indignation and donate some cash.