Today’s story is about Geoff, about whom there are three important things to know. The third-most important is that he’s the general manager of a dealership in Memphis, and that his best friend, Stephen, is general sales manager. The second-most important is that Geoff is absolutely gorgeous, with the sort of beauty that makes straight women and gay men stare (and occasionally prompts gay women and straight men to question their sexuality). But the MOST important thing is that he’s head-over-heels in love with his wife, Donna, who by most people’s standards is outright ugly: pear-shaped, flat-chested, and horse-faced. But to Geoff none of that matters. To him, Donna is the incarnation of beauty and goodness, and sexy to boot. He feels sorry for people who don’t see how smart, witty, kind, and overall awesome she is.
As our story passes from exposition to narration, it’s Saturday evening, and Geoff and Donna are attending a wedding at a swanky hotel. Two of his employees happen to be there as well. One is LeMoyne, the top salesman on the new car side; he’s been tops in units out the door for 11 out of the last 12 months, maintains the highest profit margins of anyone in the dealership, and has an extensive and valuable client list. The other is Patrice, who works on the used car side and is, at best, adequate.
During the reception, Geoff decides to indulge in the one cigarette he allows himself a week. Stepping outside to do so, he’s just lit up when he hears two tipsy revellers talking around the corner.
“Oh my god, did you see Geoff’s wife?” the first person says. “Does that man not realize how good-looking he is? He could do so, so much better–”
“Maybe it’s charity work,” the second person replies. “Cause I wouldn’t let my dog fuck her. Unless I was about to put him down anyway.”
The first person laughs. “You are so bad, LeMoyne. Anyway, she must be great in bed. Bet she swallows–”
“I couldn’t get drunk enough to let that fugly face near my junk, Patrice. But they can’t be fucking anyway. Not unless he blindfolds himself–”
The conversation gets uglier from there; LeMoyne does most of the talking, while Patrice mostly laughs. Geoff lets the insults go on for the duration of his cigarette, then walks around the corner. As soon as they see him, the salespeople pale and try to apologize, but Geoff is too busy fighting the urge to beat the crap out of LeMoyne to listen. He tells them he’ll talk to them at work.
First thing Monday, Geoff calls Stephen into his office. He tells his old friend what happened and says he wants both LeMoyne and Patrice fired; he refuses to employ people who would humiliate his wife that way. Stephen listens to the story, then says, “Look, I’ll do whatever you want. But let me ask you this question: Does Donna know what happened?”
“Hell no,” Geoff says. “No reason to. It breaks her heart when idiots say things like that about her, and I refuse to make her unhappy for even half a second.”
“Okay,” Stephen replies. “So consider this. Donna hasn’t actually been hurt yet. She won’t be unless you do something you obviously don’t plan to do. So here’s what I’m thinking–”
I’ll stop there. In Stephen’s place, would you try to talk Geoff out of firing LeMoyne and Patrice? If yes, why? If not, what would you suggest instead?
