I agree with this. I also think some people couldn’t afford the $4,000 mentioned in that post to begin with (where’s the ‘raising my hand’ icon?).
So, it looks like we are not going. The GF told everyone that we couldn’t make it (not sure exactly what she said, but something to do with work/money/time).
Now we’ll see if any drama comes from this or not.
We both agreed, that what the couple should have done was get married in a justice of the peace thing, if it was important for them to do so before the child is born, then schedule a reception next spring after the baby is a couple of months old and everyone has a chance to plan, save, etc.
Good for you, Fat Chance. It sounds like you and your old lady* have sat down and chewed through this, and your decision is the right one for you. If anyone gives you a hard time over it, all you need to say (as often as required) is, “We’ve made the best decision for us.” Hopefully anyone questioning you will understand the undercurrent of, “It’s none of YOUR goddamn business.”
*How’s that for an alternative to “girlfriend?” 
I’ll try that out on her tonight, and let you know how it goes. May be a couple of days until I am released from the hospital though…
Another stopper, which I think I read in Miss Manners: when someone asks a nosy question, reply: “Why do you ask?”
Well you know you can’t really worry about what the couple should have done. They made the decision that is best for them given the circumstances, and you have to respect that. Just like they have to respect your decision that sending regrets and a card is best for the two of you.
Thank you sugar and spice for expressing what I was thinking better than my attempts had.
Oh, I know that. We were just chatting, and thinking that it would have been the way we would have handled it, just to make it easier on everyone. Not really judging them, just thinking ways we thought this whole thing could have worked better, thats all.
Originally posted by Fat Chance:
My intent was not “an unplanned pregnancy is like a funeral” and I’m not sure why my comment would be taken to mean that, but perhaps I was unclear. What I did mean was that I sensed that you feel extremely put upon because you believe that an unreasonable request has been made of you.
My point is just that in the great scheme of life, it doesn’t sound to me like what you were being asked to do was THAT onerous. If you can’t afford it, then don’t go. But what would you prefer … that they don’t even invite you because they’d say “oh, Fat Chance and his girlfriend won’t have the money, so let’s not extend an invitation, it would just piss them off?” Of course not.
Also, I sensed (and perhaps I’m wrong in this) a certain amount of judgment against the couple because of the unplanned pregnancy. Let’s say they had moved the wedding up for a different reason, such as one of them was in the army and was being sent to Iraq. That wouldn’t be their “fault” in the same way, and I wonder if you would have written the OP in the same tone.
The vibe I got about that was, that it was inconsiderate to pick a date only 4 weeks away. It’s difficult to rearrange your life for such a trip on only 4 weeks’ notice. That was the onerous part, IMO.
I think the couple set the tone for this when they ‘had’ to move the wedding. A pregnant bride is not unheard of. I myself was about 4 months pregnant at the time of my first wedding.
I’ll tell you what I felt upon reading the OP - that the moving of the date was for the bride’s convenience. Shes’ got 5 months between now and the original wedding date. What’s wrong with a day, say, 8 weeks from now? Or 10 weeks? She may have worries about fitting into the dress - well then, she could wait until the baby’s birth and then have the wedding. There are all kinds of compromises - I think the option the bride chose was a bit selfish. YMMV.
Well, maybe. But what if this date works well for the bride’s parents and siblings and grandparents, and the groom’s parents and siblings and grandparents and a later date this summer does not? Failure to give Fat Chance more than four weeks notice may be selfish, but to weight his needs more heavily than the needs of more immediate family would be silly. Now maybe the bride didn’t consult any family members at all, but I’m guessing she consulted the ones that mattered the most, and Fat Chance quite reasonably didn’t make the cut.
Besides, if you squint just right, this is actually a considerate option, only four weeks notice makes it perfectly reasonable for someone to be unable to make it do to work/vacation/financial issues.
How can a wedding be selfish? The OP has made it clear that the bride and groom have put no pressure on anyone to make the rescheduled date–other family members have, which is crappy, but the principals haven’t. If they decided getting married well before the baby was born was more important than having all of their distant relatives in attendance–I think that’s a reasonable choice.
I keep thinking, while reading this thread, “Lack of (family) planning on your part doesn’t constitute an emergency on my part.” I think that’s something like what *Fat Chance ** and his ball and chain used to make their decision.
*No?
Not the wedding. The option she chose. And I say “a bit”. Not entirely. I’m only somewhat bothered by it, not extremely. See?
Do you think people that elope are a bit selfish? It just seems to me that a wedding is about the people getting married, and as long as they aren’t expecting anything from other people, it’s not reasonable to expect anything from them.
No, I don’t think people who elope are selfish at all. I agree that the wedding is about the people who are getting married. What I am trying to say is that my perception was that the bride expected people to be able to make a four-week reschedule. That part is what I said seemed ‘a bit selfish’.
I’m not trying to make some grand judment over this young lady - merely an observation of the vibe I got from reading the OP.
As has already been noted, nobody reading this thread has all the facts and background to the story; even Fat Chance and his gf don’t; it’s not up to me to decide whether or not the bride has made some egregious faux pas; etc. etc.
Is that more clear? 
Just thought I’d give a follow up, since the wedding was a couple of weeeks ago.
We didn’t end up going, but my gf’s mother (aunt of the groom) went, so we got all the dirt and stories:
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She got totally screwed by the whole paying for the house thing - she got a small bed in a room with 2 other family members, and paid the same amount of those who got private rooms and bathrooms in the house. She argued with her nephew who arranged it but never got anywhere.
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Found out the groom told everyone in the family that the reason his bride got pregnant was “Because the condom broke” Yeah right. And who actually has these conversations with your family (parents, siblings, aunts, uncles)?
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34 year old bride was a virgin before she met him. No word on if the “breaking condom” situation was actually thier first time, but it was implied. They have been dating for about 2 years or so. This also was told to the entire family by the groom.
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The bride was a giant bitch the entire time. Won’t let her husband do anything, no drinking, constant put downs, ridicule, is making them move to Florida after the wedding.
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Grooms father actually told his son, he could still say no > the night before the wedding. This is usually the quietest, polite man ever
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Father of the bride is totally conrolled by his wife, and at one point cornered the sister of the groom and told her that his daughter is the spawn of the devil and he hates his wife.
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Bride’s brother’s toast in its entirety: “Chris (the groom), good luck”
There is more I can’t remember right now, but needless to say she is a bitch, the groom is miserable, and we are sure as hell glad we didn’t go to this wedding!!!
Sounds like you dodged a hail of bullets there, Fat Chance.
:eek: That’s classy, all right.
Damn. That beats the wedding of a friend’s cousin, where the minister felt the need to point out that even though the man is the head of the household and makes their decisions, he shouldn’t actually beat her to enforce that.
(Edit: Pun not intended…)
Wow, and I thought my S.C. relatives and friends were classless. I’m sure you and your girlfriend are glad you didn’t spend the time, money, and energy trying to make it down.